Missing Mom
Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.
Tags: children, coping with loss, mother, parent
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tracy Shiffer on -
I lost my mom on Christmas Eve 2008. She had gone in for an operation on 12/2 and we were visiting. Everything was fine and we left on the 7th. By the 17th she was back in the hospital and on the 23rd we left to go see her - by the time we got there she was on life support - I had to make the gut wrenching decision to disconnect her. My dad was inconsolable. I stayed for another week, came home for a couple of days and went back for another week. I am an only child so he was relying on me heavily. I found him a place to buy here in Illinois, set up the moving company, got everything arranged and got him moved. When he got to Illinois I was in the middle of moving due to a divorce and wasn't able to help out all the much - there was other family helping though. Within 1 week of moving here I had been disowned and told not to come back. So within 4 months time I had lost my mother, my husband and my dad. Also 4 years ago I lost my best friend to cancer - it was a long 4 year struggle.
Can anyone tell me how I am supposed to cope with all this loss? I have lost all my support and don't know where to turn or who to talk to.
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Permalink Reply by sue on -
You mean your dad disowned you? I don't understand? Remember he is grieving and part of that is anger and maybe he feels like you made the wrong decision. He is thinking of himself and not how much you were dealing with. Someone once told me to just say, I'm sorry I hurt you, please forgive me" even if you don't feel you were at fault but just do it for love and you don't want to give up your dad. He may have cooled off by now and is too stubborn to call you since he must know he hurt you. Might be worth a try. It is hard to disown your child and pride and control has to be the problem in my mind. Ask the lord to go before you and give you the words to heal this relationship. Time is too short.
Once when I was upset with my Mom and holding out and wouldn't talk to her (years ago), she just showed up at my door and I can still remember her getting out of the car with that determined mom look on her face. When she saw me she said, "I came here to talk to you and you might not welcome me but I am going to talk anyway". My heart melted and that was the end of that. I guess her showing up and taking the challenge and reminding me that I was loved and she was loved, melted my angry heart. Just a thought.
My beautiful mother passed 4/15/07 and I miss her so much. The first mother's day was so hard. Everywhere there were signs saying "don't forget your mother", as if I could. The mother is the root of the tree and when she passes it just feels like the tree struggles terribly until the roots start to form again. My mom was so wise. I still talk to her. She is with me since she is just such a part of who I have become. Good luck. Suep
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Permalink Reply by Dana on -
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
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Permalink Reply by Lori Sue Bowser on -
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
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Permalink Reply by Yvonne on -
Tracy,
I am so sorry to learn of your multiple losses. Its possible that the move happened too soon for your father, who is also mourning your mother. I lost my mother at the end of January, so I can relate to the depths of your grief. However one bit of advice I received as I continue to adjust to the shock of it all was "Make no major decisions for at least a year - for everything will be clouded by your grief." This would apply to the move your father made...however this is now done and may not be easily reversed. There is also something I have observed when friends have had to make a decision to move their parents into other senior's accommodations...it seems that for at least about 6 weeks the parents resent the person who made that decision for them. After all, our parents will always want to be the ones who make the decisions and they must find it very difficult to have someone acting on their behalf. It is important tho' that you try to mend this rift with your father if only by showing up and telling him that you still love him, he will always be your father and you still want him in your life. Do not let this fester. You need each other and the stress of the loss, etc could take a toll on his health too.
My dear mother passed when I was not ready to let her go; although she did her best to warn me with comments such as "At my age you have to expect anything" and "what will be will be". I think she knew how hard it would be for me to lose her but I had somehow expected there might be a period of palliative care, a warning of some sort. Instead her heart simply stopped in her sleep so there was no chance to say goodbye. However, with every visit and every phone call we always concluded our time together by saying "I love you".
My problem is that as I try to cope with this loss, a man I had believed to be my closest friend, simply abandoned me when I needed his support. In fact in the depths of my grief he chose to end our friendship so I am essentially mourning the loss of too important people. I have never known such pain.
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Permalink Reply by brownladylove on -
I lost my Mom on 9/26/2008,she died of cancer in the gall badder,small intestine and lung. She never smoked or had a drink. She didn't allow smoking around her. It's hard on me and my brothers and sisters. My older brother and next to the youngest sister. Won't visit the website that I dedicated in her memory. I was very close to my mom, we talked all hours on the day. I mean from 4 in the morning until late at night everyday. My job works me all hours of the day and night. My mom was the one that kept me going. I cry everyday for my mom. My boyfriend don't understand his mom is still here. And my mom isn't I have an empty place in my heart for my mom.I smelled her scarf and broke down and cried. My boyfriend she's in a better place and she wouldn't want me to cry and be depressed like I am. But he don't understand I losted someone very dear to my heart. The one person I could tell anything to, and get the best advice. I still don't understand why she's gone, my heart can't accept the lost and pain. Everyone she's in time it will get easlier. I can't she how that is possible, and now Mother's Day in approaching. Thanksgiving and Christmas was very hard. Me and my sister's messed up both dinners. How do we cope with the lost of our mother without feeling the pain and hurt of knowing that we can't see and talk to her again. The house is so cold and plain that we don't even go by there anymore. She was our mother and father we losted both when we losted her.
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ethelmcdaniel/homepage.aspx
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Permalink Reply by sue on
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You made me consider my own children's pain when I pass over some day. I too was both mother and father and we are so close. I know how much pain my own mother's passing 4/15/07 caused me and I can't stand to think of putting my children there when I go. Maybe that helps me to also understand my own mother's passing. I know she would want me to go on and find happiness but life will never be the same without Mom. My youngest niece is getting married today and I think of Mother. I can see that beautiful smile and I know she will be there in spirit. She loved her children so much that I know she has to come back for a visit at times like these. Heaven couldn't be heaven without being able to see the faces of her children at times like this. I get a sweet loving feeling just thinking how she would say, "now, that is a beautiful bride". Momma, you are the best!!! Suep
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Permalink Reply by mommasgirl on -
I lost my mom on September 19, 2008. She was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer that had spread to other organs six weeks before she died. I have four sisters who live all over the U.S. so we took turns traveling to where she lived, spending a week at a time caring for her and saying goodbye. She was 73 years young and had already buried her only son 17 years ago. She was the funniest and most fun person I have ever known in my life. She raised six children by herself after my dad died, working two, sometimes three jobs. She made sure we were all educated, instilled a strong work ethic and taught us to be independent.
Each of my sisters and I had a different relationship with her and we are all grieving in our own way. This first Mother's Day without her was extremely difficult. I have a 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter and they have been very loving and supportive. They miss their grandmother and realized that if my mother could die, so could theirs. They lost their dad seven years ago so I am their only parent left. Sometimes the responsibility seems overwhelming. I miss being able to talk to my mom. Every conversation ended with me saying "I love you" and her saying "I love you more."
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Permalink Reply by Natasha on -
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2002 and struggled with all the bumps in the road along the way. I was optimistic that things would be okay that she would be better and things would be "normal" again one day. She continued fighting even when the doctors said the end was near. At 4am on March 31, 2009 (my father's birthday) my aunt called me to let me know that her health was really bad and it was time to come home. My mother was non responsive, but I was able to tell her "I love you" and I let her know it was okay for her to go that I would be okay, 2 hours later she passed. That first day I let my 11 yr old son go to school without telling him until after he was home. He and my mother were very close almost like best friends. He was her only reason for continuing her battle against the cancer. I have lost both of my grandfathers, but I was so young when I lost the first that I have no memories of him. My maternal grandfather and I were really close, but I was 16 when he passed and had experienced many losses and understood death. I don't know how to help my son while I'm still grieving myself. In the past few weeks I've had to deal with celebrating my nieces birthday, my birthday, and mother's day without her. I am grateful that I had the last 2 (of the 7) years to start coping with her loss, but I still miss my mom.
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Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on -
I lost my mother in August of 2008. This was the first Mother's Day without her and I had a very hard time. I cried all day and when I went to the cemetary to take her flowers it just broke my heart. I also put a note on a balloon and released it at the graveside. Now June is coming up and Father's Day. I lost my dad 43 days after my mom. I just pray that this time of year will be easier to cope with as time passes. I just wanted to see her and talk to her and hug her and tell her how much I love and miss her. That is what I did in my note that I sent up with the balloon. I don't think I have ever felt such heartache and grief. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this. I know life has to go on but it hurts so much. I am going to grief counseling and it is helping some but there are just days that it is almost unbearable. There is no love like a mother's love and when that is gone it really does have an effect on everything in your life. I pray for God to give me the peace in my heart that I can go on with my life.. I have my children and grandchildren and it breaks my heart to know that one day they will have to suffer this pain. Please pray for me that I can grow to accept this loss and maybe if I can help someone else who has lost their mom or dad, that would help me deal with my loss.
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Permalink Reply by michelle on -
Lori Sue Bowser said:I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
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Permalink Reply by michelle on
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michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).Lori Sue Bowser said:I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
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