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Permalink Reply by Lori on November 11, 2009 at 11:46pm

I lost my mom on November 1st. She had a whole group of family and friends around her. It is so hard I'm at home and taking care of my dad. He is at a loss. He is an emotional wrek and he is not in the best physical health. He is being so strong. It is so hard to see him like this. If it weren't for my boyfriend/rock I don't know how I would have gotten through the funeral service and the shiva. He is the best thing that has happened to me. He also knows what this is like because he lost both parents. I'm 36 and he is 41. Does this get any better?

Lori

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Permalink Reply by (white dove) on November 13, 2009 at 2:31pm

Good question. I lost my mom 7 months ago, and then my father took ill. He sure seemed to look as if he were going home.. but slowly came back to all. Nov 1 our beloved friend passed from Leukemia. His Memorial is tomorrow. I felt as if i was coming around to a sort of normalcy then boom boom boom.. with each loved one, i feel much grief. Our best buddy, is a huge loss to us. For me, my healing has been stopped over and over again! For with each loved one passing so close to each other, brings back the severe heartache felt when my mom passed. Again, i will try my best to heal, but i am so very tired..... with my losses ... and all my tears shed. Praying for it to "get better" here too sooner than later. God's Blessings to all.

Lori said:

I lost my mom on November 1st. She had a whole group of family and friends around her. It is so hard I'm at home and taking care of my dad. He is at a loss. He is an emotional wrek and he is not in the best physical health. He is being so strong. It is so hard to see him like this. If it weren't for my boyfriend/rock I don't know how I would have gotten through the funeral service and the shiva. He is the best thing that has happened to me. He also knows what this is like because he lost both parents. I'm 36 and he is 41. Does this get any better?

Lori

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Permalink Reply by Versena Green on November 18, 2009 at 10:28am

I need help on coping with the recent death of my loving mother. My mom died on November 16,2009 My mom Birthday was on Nov.4 she had a heart attack on Nov.5 She had a triple bypass open heart surgery on Nov.9 .She was released from the hospital on Nov.16 at 2:45pm she came home and relaxed by doctors orders enjoyed her 6 grandchildren talked to her 3 grown kids even played with the dog ate her food drank some coffee and water went to her bedroom to lay down and had another heart attack by 8:45pm and was talking after her pain eased kept saying she was thirsty hot and needed oxygen to us and the emergency crew all the while holding on to me and my brother by the time the crew with the assistance of my brother got her in the chair she was no longer talking or responding the e.m.t began to perform c.p.r. on her in the ambulance from the time they got her in to the time they got to the hospital but she was in full cardiac arrest.November is beginning to be the worst month for me my mom b day was on the 4th she had a h.a.on the 5th o.h.s. on the 9th aunt b bay on 12th uncle died on the 14th 2008 his b day on the 15th mom died on the 16th another uncle died on the 21st 2005. How do you cope with that?

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Permalink Reply by (white dove) on November 18, 2009 at 7:01pm

It is very hard to cope! I don't understand it myself. Have you ever heard death comes in threes? And old wives tale i was told many times.... Well, i also lost my mom, then my estranged father decided he wanted to leave too.. but came back, then my best buddy passed. All i would like is time to heal! and the sad part is: i know there is one more coming soon. My father is end stages Parkinsons. All i can think is, we get knocked down and we just have to get back up again! However each time it seems to be harder. My health has suffered through all the stress and i keep wishing now i must care for myself.. then another blow comes... So each day, i pick myself back up and try all over again. All we can do. I personally try to get "back to life" because i KNOW this is what my beloveds want me to do. Faith helps much, in knowing i will see everyone once again, in much better circumstances:) until that day, i must try to make them proud.. but still its very hard. Big Blessings to u and keep the faith, it will get better with time. Or so they say.

Versena Green said:

I need help on coping with the recent death of my loving mother. My mom died on November 16,2009 My mom Birthday was on Nov.4 she had a heart attack on Nov.5 She had a triple bypass open heart surgery on Nov.9 .She was released from the hospital on Nov.16 at 2:45pm she came home and relaxed by doctors orders enjoyed her 6 grandchildren talked to her 3 grown kids even played with the dog ate her food drank some coffee and water went to her bedroom to lay down and had another heart attack by 8:45pm and was talking after her pain eased kept saying she was thirsty hot and needed oxygen to us and the emergency crew all the while holding on to me and my brother by the time the crew with the assistance of my brother got her in the chair she was no longer talking or responding the e.m.t began to perform c.p.r. on her in the ambulance from the time they got her in to the time they got to the hospital but she was in full cardiac arrest.November is beginning to be the worst month for me my mom b day was on the 4th she had a h.a.on the 5th o.h.s. on the 9th aunt b bay on 12th uncle died on the 14th 2008 his b day on the 15th mom died on the 16th another uncle died on the 21st 2005. How do you cope with that?

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Permalink Reply by CDJBlue on November 22, 2009 at 8:34pm

Versena Green said:

I need help on coping with the recent death of my loving mother. My mom died on November 16,2009 My mom Birthday was on Nov.4 she had a heart attack on Nov.5 She had a triple bypass open heart surgery on Nov.9 .She was released from the hospital on Nov.16 at 2:45pm she came home and relaxed by doctors orders enjoyed her 6 grandchildren talked to her 3 grown kids even played with the dog ate her food drank some coffee and water went to her bedroom to lay down and had another heart attack by 8:45pm and was talking after her pain eased kept saying she was thirsty hot and needed oxygen to us and the emergency crew all the while holding on to me and my brother by the time the crew with the assistance of my brother got her in the chair she was no longer talking or responding the e.m.t began to perform c.p.r. on her in the ambulance from the time they got her in to the time they got to the hospital but she was in full cardiac arrest.November is beginning to be the worst month for me my mom b day was on the 4th she had a h.a.on the 5th o.h.s. on the 9th aunt b bay on 12th uncle died on the 14th 2008 his b day on the 15th mom died on the 16th another uncle died on the 21st 2005. How do you cope with that?

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Permalink Reply by CDJBlue on November 22, 2009 at 8:37pm

I wish I knew how to cope. My mother died on April 25, 2006, my granny on Oct. 21st, and my aunt on Oct. 31st. I have moments of feeling absolutely crazy, ya know. This morning was really hard, but this afternoon I made a concious decision to do only me today. I did what I like to do (cook and play games on internet) and I do feel a little better. By the way...my bd is Nov. 5th. I hope you had a peaceful day. Take care.

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Permalink Reply by Lori on November 24, 2009 at 12:07pm

Hi Everyone,

Like I mentioned before my mom passed away 23 days ago. I'm still trying to cope with that. I'm living at home because I resigned from work to take care of her. As I check my emails on the computer I see that my dad has signed up for jdate and match. He tells me that he misses her and is so upset. He also told me that my ma told him to not be alone. I can here her telling him that. I know he is terribly lonely. We have a great support system of friends who continually check in and ask what we are doing for the holidays etc. What I don't understand is why is he looking for someone so quickly. On December 2nd they would have been married for 42 years and would have known each other for 47. I know I have to come to terms with the fact that there will be another companion and I'm ok with that, however, seeing this and it being so soon is really upsetting to me. What should I do?
Lori

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Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on November 25, 2009 at 6:04pm

I lost my Mom 35 months ago today and Christmas day will be 3 years. I miss her more than I can bear sometimes. I have no one else since my siblings and my Life-Partner’s family stopped speaking to me over a year ago. I miss Robert more than my words could ever express. Robert and my Mom were all I had. I can’t seem to find much to be thankful for this holiday. Barry

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Permalink Reply by (white dove) on November 25, 2009 at 8:53pm

Dear Lori, I am very sorry for your loss of your mama~ I felt compelled to write to you regarding your dad trying to date so soon. I met my ex 5 months after he lost his wife... and i can tell you this, there is always someone that will feel empathy, compassion.. and unfortunately there can also be a co-dependency and enabling situation that will come along. I know this from my own experience. I never had my ex's heart. As i look back, he just wanted background noise. Anything to fill the empty void in his Heart. He never saw me for who i was. And it was a disaster. He never sought any type of grievence help. 12 years later, he is still foundering horribly. Without me. I will never date another who lost their partner so soon or without therapy of some sort. So, if you can relay this to your dad, it may help anothers Heart from being broken. For your dad is in no shape or form ready to date till he deals with and heals his own grief. I understand your feelings on this subject also. Hopefully someone can talk some sense into him.
I hope you find just a tiny bit of peace during this Holiday season. This is my first also, without my mom and good friend. Nothing will be the same this year.... nothing.

Lori said:

Hi Everyone,

Like I mentioned before my mom passed away 23 days ago. I'm still trying to cope with that. I'm living at home because I resigned from work to take care of her. As I check my emails on the computer I see that my dad has signed up for jdate and match. He tells me that he misses her and is so upset. He also told me that my ma told him to not be alone. I can here her telling him that. I know he is terribly lonely. We have a great support system of friends who continually check in and ask what we are doing for the holidays etc. What I don't understand is why is he looking for someone so quickly. On December 2nd they would have been married for 42 years and would have known each other for 47. I know I have to come to terms with the fact that there will be another companion and I'm ok with that, however, seeing this and it being so soon is really upsetting to me. What should I do?
Lori

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Permalink Reply by Lori on November 26, 2009 at 1:40am

Thanks White Dove,
I understand what you are saying. He has been in therapy for 5 years and is still going to talk to him with the recent passing of ma. I see the same person he sees. I will talk to therapist about this on Wednesday. I agree with what you said. I know it will get better for us but it won't be the same.
Lori

(white dove) said:

Dear Lori, I am very sorry for your loss of your mama~ I felt compelled to write to you regarding your dad trying to date so soon. I met my ex 5 months after he lost his wife... and i can tell you this, there is always someone that will feel empathy, compassion.. and unfortunately there can also be a co-dependency and enabling situation that will come along. I know this from my own experience. I never had my ex's heart. As i look back, he just wanted background noise. Anything to fill the empty void in his Heart. He never saw me for who i was. And it was a disaster. He never sought any type of grievence help. 12 years later, he is still foundering horribly. Without me. I will never date another who lost their partner so soon or without therapy of some sort. So, if you can relay this to your dad, it may help anothers Heart from being broken. For your dad is in no shape or form ready to date till he deals with and heals his own grief. I understand your feelings on this subject also. Hopefully someone can talk some sense into him.
I hope you find just a tiny bit of peace during this Holiday season. This is my first also, without my mom and good friend. Nothing will be the same this year.... nothing.

Lori said:

Hi Everyone,

Like I mentioned before my mom passed away 23 days ago. I'm still trying to cope with that. I'm living at home because I resigned from work to take care of her. As I check my emails on the computer I see that my dad has signed up for jdate and match. He tells me that he misses her and is so upset. He also told me that my ma told him to not be alone. I can here her telling him that. I know he is terribly lonely. We have a great support system of friends who continually check in and ask what we are doing for the holidays etc. What I don't understand is why is he looking for someone so quickly. On December 2nd they would have been married for 42 years and would have known each other for 47. I know I have to come to terms with the fact that there will be another companion and I'm ok with that, however, seeing this and it being so soon is really upsetting to me. What should I do?
Lori

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Permalink Reply by (white dove) 10 hours ago

I don't know how to add on a reply without clicking onto anothers... But here we are, 3 days past Thanksgiving, and for me, it was very hard. The "first" in everything, i have found to be quite difficult. We went to our newly widowed friends house, and quite frankly, anywhere to NOT be alone in our grief~~ This ended up to be a not so good choice. 3 of her family members were sick with the lower GI flu!!!!!!! We should have ran right out the door! Well, my daughter caught it, and im holding it at bay for now. I'ts hell to feel orphaned! Missing my mom terribly. She was a huge part of every Holiday with us. Her absence is not to ever be filled..... My prayers go out to all on this site.

Lori said:

Thanks White Dove,
I understand what you are saying. He has been in therapy for 5 years and is still going to talk to him with the recent passing of ma. I see the same person he sees. I will talk to therapist about this on Wednesday. I agree with what you said. I know it will get better for us but it won't be the same.
Lori

(white dove) said:

Dear Lori, I am very sorry for your loss of your mama~ I felt compelled to write to you regarding your dad trying to date so soon. I met my ex 5 months after he lost his wife... and i can tell you this, there is always someone that will feel empathy, compassion.. and unfortunately there can also be a co-dependency and enabling situation that will come along. I know this from my own experience. I never had my ex's heart. As i look back, he just wanted background noise. Anything to fill the empty void in his Heart. He never saw me for who i was. And it was a disaster. He never sought any type of grievence help. 12 years later, he is still foundering horribly. Without me. I will never date another who lost their partner so soon or without therapy of some sort. So, if you can relay this to your dad, it may help anothers Heart from being broken. For your dad is in no shape or form ready to date till he deals with and heals his own grief. I understand your feelings on this subject also. Hopefully someone can talk some sense into him.
I hope you find just a tiny bit of peace during this Holiday season. This is my first also, without my mom and good friend. Nothing will be the same this year.... nothing.

Lori said:

Hi Everyone,

Like I mentioned before my mom passed away 23 days ago. I'm still trying to cope with that. I'm living at home because I resigned from work to take care of her. As I check my emails on the computer I see that my dad has signed up for jdate and match. He tells me that he misses her and is so upset. He also told me that my ma told him to not be alone. I can here her telling him that. I know he is terribly lonely. We have a great support system of friends who continually check in and ask what we are doing for the holidays etc. What I don't understand is why is he looking for someone so quickly. On December 2nd they would have been married for 42 years and would have known each other for 47. I know I have to come to terms with the fact that there will be another companion and I'm ok with that, however, seeing this and it being so soon is really upsetting to me. What should I do?
Lori

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