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Permalink Reply by Julianne on May 31, 2008 at 10:59pm

I lost my mom a little over two months ago to septicemia. She went into the hospital with what she thought was simply walking pneumonia, and was dead less than 48 hrs later. The shock of this is still wearing off, but the longer her absence, the more real it all feels. I have two younger siblings, and an older sister who is physically disabled. My dad has been the one keeping us all going. I have no idea what we would do without him.

There are moments, hours, and even days, where I feel like I can't go on. But you do, because you have no other choice. At times I feel like I can't even remember my mom clearly, everything just seems like a fog. And I hate that more than anyhting, because I just want to picture her and be able to imagine her voice.

It's so difficult not having anyone outside of your family who can relate. Friends don't know what to say or do. And unfortunately my family is new to the area, so my nearest friends are a mere 2 hrs away. I definitely find it helpful reading forums such as these, and hopefully some people will add to this particular section.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica on June 1, 2008 at 8:17am

Julianne, I'm sorry for your loss. What a horrible tragedy for you and your family. I can't imagine your anguish, but I do believe that you will not always feel exactly the way you do now. Of course, you feel like you're in a fog now. You are in the immediate aftermath of losing your mom, such a terrible experience. I believe there will be moments when the fog lifts and you are able to see and hear your mom so clearly, and know that she's watching over you.

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Permalink Reply by Melinda on June 1, 2008 at 1:42pm

Julianne, I am so sorry for your losses. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I so understand your feelings. Know that i am here to chat with you anytime. Everyone's story is different, but it seems that the end result is all the same. Looking for some comfort and peace within our selves.

My family tragity started a little over a year ago. My nephew of 19 was killed within a block of his home on the way to a class in college when a drunk driver ran a stop sign, hit and killed him in April of 2007. He was a promising kid with a great future ahead of him. He had great stride for the future. 12 days later my father-in-law whom i was very close to (May 2007) unexpectedly died. Everyone has that fear of in-laws, but i can say i had the best father-in-law. My father whom i adored and cherished, died a month later in June 2007. My father was my hero, someone i looked up to and called several times a day. He was my best friend. I not only lost my father, but my best friend a person could every have. In August of 2007, my father-in-laws brother, died unexpectedly on a cruise. On Friday, I was told that my cousin died of lung cancer. It just seems to keep going.

The feeling of holding your breath, gasping for the next breath. There is no one to talk to, but you know that everyone feels the same way. Holidays we sat and looked at each other, knowing that we all did not know what to say and if we said something we always think twice so we do not hurt anyones feelings. I can honistly say it is coming up on a year since my own fathers death and it hurts the same as if i lost him today. I am still stuck in the same place i was a year ago. I just am able to hide my feelings better, so i do no upset my two children who are 8 & 10. My mom is in the same boat as me. And i thank god everyday for my mom. She is my world, as my father was.

I am sorry to go on and on.
God Bless.

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Permalink Reply by Julianne on June 4, 2008 at 8:22pm

Melinda, I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. I think all of us just learn that life isn't fair, and our loved ones can be taken from us at any given moment without any warning. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm sure your two children are what keep you going and help you with keeping it together. I have two young siblings who I'm extremely close to, and feel at times I'm more like their mom now than sister. But they are what keep me going from day to day. I feel like most of the time I can't even be sad in front of them, but it can be difficult trying to always be the one whose okay. Thank you so much for your support and for writing again. Julianne.

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Permalink Reply by Julianne on June 4, 2008 at 8:27pm

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate your words. Julianne

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Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on June 30, 2008 at 2:13pm

Hello there, Its so much more different when , for the lack of a better phrase, a planned or expected illness occurs to a parent. But when you had no idea just how traumatic this was going to turn out, I mean my god,........ how can this mis- diagnosis have happened?..............I sincerely feel for you and your family. Just after I moved to california in 2002, my dad was forgetting alot more than usual, he, started seeing children running through the house on motorcycles and sitting on his bed wanting to talk to him, developed stage 4 alzheimers, and then parkinsons disease all within 6 months after I left. I often still blame myself to this day for leaving him, that somehow I was responsible for all this so fast right after I left. I had no plane fare to get back to chicago to see him until 2004. I saw him in the hospital and I truly thought he was going to kick the hell out of these illnesses. I flew back to california to go back to work and right away got another call that was tubed and in a coma. I drove as fast as I could back to chicago for I maxed out all the credit cards to make the first plane trip. He woke up after we walked in the room to mumble, "hi my son". I stayed at his bedside in intensive care for 4 straight days and had to leave again. He passed shortly thereafter from septicemia. Always know that others are as close as your keyboard, phone, email or snail mail. My prayers are for your mom, dad, and all of who are trying to cope. Stay strong and let me know if you need anything at all anytime day or night. Carl

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Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on July 23, 2008 at 9:02pm

Hi everyone, hope all are well. Its july 23, 2004 all over again for me today. Its exactly 4 years ago to the minute that I got the call from chicago that septicemia and alzheimers took my dad to be with the lord. I created a webpage for him at Legacy.com. If you would like to see his site go there and view, Memorial Websites and type in his name, Carlo Cacioppo. Its been only 4 years but it seems like yesterday. What in the world is taking me so long to get through this grieving process. I wish I had some type of audio recording of his voice from the past years that I could listen to and laugh with as well as cry with. Its not that I have forgotten the sound of his voice or anything like that, but even sitting quietly and trying to pull his voice from my memory is getting harder and harder and I feel ashamed of myself sometimes. All in all this is what is commonly called around here as,......me having a...... Dad Day! Thank you all for putting up with me. Carl

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Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on July 24, 2008 at 8:37am

Carl its good you try and keep the good memories. It is also comforting to know that God has your dad in his memory as well, down to the greatest detail and 'even the hairs of his head are numbered.' So, you have the hope of seeing him again and hearing his voice again for there will be a resurecction (Acts 24:15).

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Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 25, 2008 at 7:48am

Well Julianne i do to know what it means to lose someone so so close too...You are so right that as time goes on the stronger the feelings are,nevertheless we have to be strong for ourselves as well as for our family..No doubt the family is counting on you...One thing you have going for you is your dad, he seems like he;s the glue holding it all together,and that's is what you need ....So thanks goes out to him.....But one last thing i want to say is "Prayer" Helps so so much....and pretty soon we will see our loved one's soon through our hope of a Ressurection ...That soon will be upon us....and how joyous that will be...........

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Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 26, 2008 at 7:12am

Hey Carlo ....I do understand what you're going thorugh.....My brother died a while back and he is still on my mind....Nevertheless everyone grieve differently ....Some take 1 year in grieving and some take as long as a "Life Time" in grieving......So Carlo its normality....You and i and Melinda and Jessica has to keep strong and at the same time keep those memories of are loved one's close to our heart..........and Happy Dad Day....................................

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Permalink Reply by TCS913 on August 5, 2008 at 10:08pm

Ive had a really rough time over the past 7 years. Not that everyone else hasnt too. I lost my mother from cancer when I was 17, october 21, of 01. To this day that day still bothers me every year. The incident only lasted 17 days from when we found out she had cancer which traumatized me in ways that bother me to this day. My dad took this so hard but i tried to be strong for him. Two years later in 2003 my grandpa died of colon cancer, which again rocked my family because my grandpa was like my best friend. That was in august of 03 and and in January of 04 my brother fell off a roof and landed on the back of his head and died one day later. So needless to say ive been through a lot. I never thought i could be happy again until I met the most amazing girl in the world and Im lucky enough to be marrying her in a little over a year. She has helped me through so much, I cant wait spend my life with her, she means the world to me and is my life!! I thank god for her every single day!!

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Permalink Reply by kim on August 10, 2008 at 4:21pm

my mom died i am only 17 and i am in boystown what do i do i am struggleing

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