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Permalink Reply by kristi on May 26, 2009 at 12:03pm

mary that is so neat of you to do for your 2 sons,that was a good article,i tried to write something in there and it wouldnt let me it said closed to further comments.it was nice to see the pictures and stuff to.but yes what you said in there i was up for 37 hours no one left my side at all for a week,my dad and mom called me everyday to see how i was doing and it finally let down after a week or two.i know they care but it got over welming.and to this day it has been almost 3 years and still people want to cry when i talk about my son i said you are suppose to talk about him,and now that graduation is near and they put a memorial page in the year book now they are talking about him and the year book and they are saddened but i just keep my head up and say it is alright cry if you want i said i will have mine on sunday.i get a little tears in my eyes but they do the crying for me as i do it at home not at work.thanks for listening and thank you for sharing that with me.i did adopt highway sign for my son.

mary said:

I can relate to this Kristi, however the very same people who are telling you this have no clue what it feels like to lose a child or what to say! They are trying in their own lame way just to motivate you, they care, they do, but they dont know what to say.

Keep your son close to your heart....that is where he is. Don't worry about what other people think you should do. There is no right or wrong dealing with this. Everyone deals with it differently. I know all to well the feeling that you are going through having lost my 2 sons who drowned on July 15, 2008. I wake up every day thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them and have cried every single day. I, along with our community are building a skatepark in their honor. http://www.pitcherpark.com and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-pitcher/pitcher-park-in-honor-of...
I dove into this out of sheer nervousness. Things are rolling a long well, as if I have a higher power watching out over me. It is such a wonderful feeling and yet.... I feel so alone!
It was such a shocking tragedy, that my two older sons are having their own difficulty dealing with the pain. They find it very hard to be around me and at first I was upset and angry but then I find it hard to see them as well. We were ALWAYS TOGETHER... four sons and myself! Now half my family is gone. Their little brothers are GONE! But through my sons Vincent and Stephen's strength...i AM TRYING WITH ALL MY MIGHT TO CARRY ON IN THEIR HONOR!
It is very hard Kristi, but think about what your son would want for you! Carry on with pride knowing that he knows how much you loved him and you know how much he loved you! With boys, sometimes they are shy with words...but you know in your heart Kristi...OUR SONS WOULD WANT US TO LIVE ON IN THEIR HONOR and WE WILL MEET AGAIN SOON...and personally, I dont want them being upset with the way I acted when they went on their way to HEAVEN! :D

I am praying that God grants us all peace and warmth in our hearts and that we may be with our children again together in Heaven.

kristi said:

you know in this thing you wrote you said something about moving on,well i have been dealing with grief for 2 and a half years and all my coworkers say to move on.well you know them are words.i cant move on,i think about my son everyday that he has been gone,now graduation is this sunday and all the kids want me there.there is a purpose for that,that

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Permalink Reply by Susan on May 26, 2009 at 12:25pm

Hi Kristi and Mary,
I agree with you. Yesterday was a bad day for me, because everytime we cook out I think of the last time Daniel, John and Jasmine grill . I see him out their too. But, how can you move on as they say when you are empty. when your arm ach for that touch you once hail, that kiss that bush against your face, When he was going out the door, that he will never come back through.How do you move on when you look at the phone and expect that call to be your son.I will never forget that little baby boy became a man. And his man hood cut short because of another person and choice that they made.Wake up the next day without him is as far as move on I'm going to do. As long as I live he will live. Everyone will know about Daniel, because he will live on through the picture and the joy he brought me and his brother and sister. And the love that he had for family.The good times and bad is what I have and I will keep them safe forever and share every chance I get. Kristi, I hope you go Sunday to Everette graduation he may not be sitting their but he will be through you. Food for thought. Thank for listening. Susan (Daniel's Mom).








kristi said:

thank you for your words,yes but it haunts me sometimes because when he died everyone came and told us that if i dont make it tell my mom and dad i love them it haunts me all the time,my younger son does that to me,when icall to wake him up for school and he changed voices he is 13 and he sounds like my son everette that passes away.its nice but it is scary.he doesnt go anywere thinking something is going to happen to us,we have kids over all weekend from friday to sunday i dont mind it but it gets rough i just say cant you go to your friends one day out of the weekend.thanks for listening.it just gets hard when people use them words you will never forget especially when my son got shot by his friend and his friend is graduating sunday to,it will be hard seeing him live his life.but he has broken up with his girlfriend he has gotten depressed his mom said he doesnt do anything but sit in his room.thank for listening i will be here anytime to talk ok.and now that swimming and stuff comes it will be hard for you,but we will keep our chins up right?thanks kristi

mary said:

I can relate to this Kristi, however the very same people who are telling you this have no clue what it feels like to lose a child or what to say! They are trying in their own lame way just to motivate you, they care, they do, but they dont know what to say.

Keep your son close to your heart....that is where he is. Don't worry about what other people think you should do. There is no right or wrong dealing with this. Everyone deals with it differently. I know all to well the feeling that you are going through having lost my 2 sons who drowned on July 15, 2008. I wake up every day thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them and have cried every single day. I, along with our community are building a skatepark in their honor. http://www.pitcherpark.com and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-pitcher/pitcher-park-in-honor-of...
I dove into this out of sheer nervousness. Things are rolling a long well, as if I have a higher power watching out over me. It is such a wonderful feeling and yet.... I feel so alone!
It was such a shocking tragedy, that my two older sons are having their own difficulty dealing with the pain. They find it very hard to be around me and at first I was upset and angry but then I find it hard to see them as well. We were ALWAYS TOGETHER... four sons and myself! Now half my family is gone. Their little brothers are GONE! But through my sons Vincent and Stephen's strength...i AM TRYING WITH ALL MY MIGHT TO CARRY ON IN THEIR HONOR!
It is very hard Kristi, but think about what your son would want for you! Carry on with pride knowing that he knows how much you loved him and you know how much he loved you! With boys, sometimes they are shy with words...but you know in your heart Kristi...OUR SONS WOULD WANT US TO LIVE ON IN THEIR HONOR and WE WILL MEET AGAIN SOON...and personally, I dont want them being upset with the way I acted when they went on their way to HEAVEN! :D

I am praying that God grants us all peace and warmth in our hearts and that we may be with our children again together in Heaven.

kristi said:

you know in this thing you wrote you said something about moving on,well i have been dealing with grief for 2 and a half years and all my coworkers say to move on.well you know them are words.i cant move on,i think about my son everyday that he has been gone,now graduation is this sunday and all t

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Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on May 26, 2009 at 9:34pm

In all your getting, (angry, emotional, victimized,) get some understanding. Those were quotation marks. One can choose to live in fear and hurt, But as for me, (maybe it was the heart arrythmias, or the anxiety attacks) I will remember in love. Not fear, anger, or any other emotion that takes away from the beauty of my son's life. I would not have made it another month carrying the burden in my heart, let alone years. My life certainly is not my own to take, therefore, I am charged to look forward. I do not take for granted that it has become apparent to me how fleeting life is, therefore, I am not going to spend whatever I have left of it shut up in turmoil. If that is how anyone else chooses to live, well, to each their own soul salvation. I cursed the sun the day my son died. I will never curse the earth again. From the earth we come, to the earth we shall return. It is the circle of life. We are not all going to live to be a hundred. I am not going to sit in fear of my number because I had to say good bye to my son. I will be going to a reunion soon, and there I will see all the friends that I have not seen in years, people I said goodbye to long ago and never expected to see again, now we are going to be reunited. I know that it will be the same jubilation when I finish my journey, and see my son again. And am reunited with his soul. Who knows how many times we have known one another in our lives, and said hello and goodbye again. I see the temporal passing. I am not subject to this place, this earth. My body will return there, my soul is the Lord's. As was my son's, and the Lord did with it what he saw fit. Will I now curse the Lord for my own retribution? No. So I rejoice that he has reclaimed that which was his, for it is his power to do so. Faith. Call it what you want. Maybe it is my feeble minds coping mechanism. But it is mine. As is any other's way theirs. None of us will pass away from the universe, although most of us will pass from the earth. This is how the Lord manages his kingdom. I take it as a compliment that he thought my son was ready to enter into. I leave the vengeance to him. This idea or belief frees me to live my own life, not a revolving despair of my son's passing. I have peace. Now, I dont worry about people hurting when I speak his name, because I'm not hurting anymore. So everyone is free to love. Love yourself enough to move forward. Not over, through. God bless you forum.

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Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on May 27, 2009 at 8:00am

Tiffany, Your words are very touching and well put. You truly are an inspiration, and I thank you for writing this. You are also an angel!

tiffany wheatley said:

In all your getting, (angry, emotional, victimized,) get some understanding. Those were quotation marks. One can choose to live in fear and hurt, But as for me, (maybe it was the heart arrythmias, or the anxiety attacks) I will remember in love. Not fear, anger, or any other emotion that takes away from the beauty of my son's life. I would not have made it another month carrying the burden in my heart, let alone years. My life certainly is not my own to take, therefore, I am charged to look forward. I do not take for granted that it has become apparent to me how fleeting life is, therefore, I am not going to spend whatever I have left of it shut up in turmoil. If that is how anyone else chooses to live, well, to each their own soul salvation. I cursed the sun the day my son died. I will never curse the earth again. From the earth we come, to the earth we shall return. It is the circle of life. We are not all going to live to be a hundred. I am not going to sit in fear of my number because I had to say good bye to my son. I will be going to a reunion soon, and there I will see all the friends that I have not seen in years, people I said goodbye to long ago and never expected to see again, now we are going to be reunited. I know that it will be the same jubilation when I finish my journey, and see my son again. And am reunited with his soul. Who knows how many times we have known one another in our lives, and said hello and goodbye again. I see the temporal passing. I am not subject to this place, this earth. My body will return there, my soul is the Lord's. As was my son's, and the Lord did with it what he saw fit. Will I now curse the Lord for my own retribution? No. So I rejoice that he has reclaimed that which was his, for it is his power to do so. Faith. Call it what you want. Maybe it is my feeble minds coping mechanism. But it is mine. As is any other's way theirs. None of us will pass away from the universe, although most of us will pass from the earth. This is how the Lord manages his kingdom. I take it as a compliment that he thought my son was ready to enter into. I leave the vengeance to him. This idea or belief frees me to live my own life, not a revolving despair of my son's passing. I have peace. Now, I dont worry about people hurting when I speak his name, because I'm not hurting anymore. So everyone is free to love. Love yourself enough to move forward. Not over, through. God bless you forum.

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Permalink Reply by sue on May 28, 2009 at 10:42am

Tiffany, bless you. I have some of the same feelings about my husband but I couldn't express it with the beautiful verbage you did. Thank you. Suep

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Permalink Reply by richard mom on May 31, 2009 at 7:49pm

I AM SO VERY VERY VERY SORRY .THERE ARE SO MANY WAY WE COULD LOSE OUR SONS. BUT TO KNOW THAT ANOTHERS HAND DID IT. I'M SURE WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN EMOTIONS FOR WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE.BUT THE ANGER YOU MUST FEEL.I'M SURE IT'S UNBEARABLE. I HAVE DAYS WERE IT HURTS TO BREATH AND FEEL LIKE I'VE AGED A THOUSAND YEARS.THE ONE THING THAT HELPED ME THE MOST WAS WRITING TO HIM EVERY THING I FELT, EVERY THING I WISH I'D SAID OR DONE.EVERY THING I'D THOUGHT ABOUT HIS LIFE SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN. EVERY THING I'D WANTED FOR HIM IN THE YEARS TO COME.NEEDLESS TO SAY I'M ON MY 3RD BOOK.IT KEEPS IT FROM JUST GOING ON AND ON IN MY MIND.I HAD SO MUCH TO LEARN THERE WAS NO WHEELING OR DEALING THAT WAS GOING TO CHANGE THIS.ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I READ WAS YOU CAN'T GO OVER IT,UNDER IT OR AROUND IT AND THERE IS NO RUNNING AWAY FROM IT. YOU HAVE TO GO THREW IT.KNOWING YOU ARE DOING WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU.

kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING

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Permalink Reply by mary on May 31, 2009 at 8:32pm

Hi Kristi... don't get me wrong...every day , every single day.. I think of them and start to cry. I think it's ok to do. Anything we do is ok. I feel down a lot. I feel like I have aged 10 years in less than one year. I get overwhelming feelings at times...like it's not real! AT times I feel they are with me. At times I feel totally alone. My Father passed away and then my Mother. I have one brother, two sons, one 90 year old uncle and four cousins...that's it! I am divorced. I have no one but my dog with me at home. I am not dating... I dont even care about dating. What do I say when I feel so down to someone who asks well, what's been happening in your life?
I am not strong. I never claimed to be. I've tried to remain strong for them. I know what they would want me to do. This skatepark is really a form of healing not only for me but for the community. It was bad for all of us not just me. We got approval to go ahead with the plans of the park but I wonder, when it's built...and the activity stops, how am I going to feel? Maybe by then I will have accepted everything more... and maybe seeing people enjoying a park built in their honor...will give me a sense of peace, but... right now...whatever I feel...whatever I say...however I act...it's all ok! No one knows but us what it feels like inside because as Mother's we have special bonds with our children..that even a Father cant feel.
I can honestly tell you I dont think I will ever be the same again, but I do believe in God and I know with all my heart and soul that they are with Him. Again, it doesn't ease our pain...because we are here and they aren't...and as a Mother...you can never stop worrying.... but we have to place our faith and our worry in God's hands now. As hard as it may still seem... we do.

kristi said:

mary that is so neat of you to do for your 2 sons,that was a good article,i tried to write something in there and it wouldnt let me it said closed to further comments.it was nice to see the pictures and stuff to.but yes what you said in there i was up for 37 hours no one left my side at all for a week,my dad and mom called me everyday to see how i was doing and it finally let down after a week or two.i know they care but it got over welming.and to this day it has been almost 3 years and still people want to cry when i talk about my son i said you are suppose to talk about him,and now that graduation is near and they put a memorial page in the year book now they are talking about him and the year book and they are saddened but i just keep my head up and say it is alright cry if you want i said i will have mine on sunday.i get a little tears in my eyes but they do the crying for me as i do it at home not at work.thanks for listening and thank you for sharing that with me.i did adopt highway sign for my son.

mary said:

I can relate to this Kristi, however the very same people who are telling you this have no clue what it feels like to lose a child or what to say! They are trying in their own lame way just to motivate you, they care, they do, but they dont know what to say.

Keep your son close to your heart....that is where he is. Don't worry about what other people think you should do. There is no right or wrong dealing with this. Everyone deals with it differently. I know all to well the feeling that you are going through having lost my 2 sons who drowned on July 15, 2008. I wake up every day thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them and have cried every single day. I, along with our community are building a skatepark in their honor. http://www.pitcherpark.com and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-pitcher/pitcher-park-in-honor-of...
I dove into this out of sheer nervousness. Things are rolling a long well, as if I have a higher power watching out over me. It is such a wonderful feeling and yet.... I feel so alone!
It was such a shocking tragedy, that my two older sons are having their own difficulty dealing with the pain. They find it very hard to be around me and at first I was upset and angry but then I find it hard to see them as well. We were ALWAYS TOGETHER... four sons and myself! Now half my family is gone. Their little brothers are GONE! But through my sons Vincent and Stephen's strength...i AM TRYING WITH ALL MY MIGHT TO CARRY ON IN THEIR HONOR!
It is very hard Kristi, but think about what your son would want for you! Carry on with pride knowing that he knows how much you loved him and you know how much he loved you! With boys, sometimes they are shy with words...but you know in your heart Kristi...OUR SONS WOULD WANT US TO LIVE ON IN THEIR HONOR and WE WILL MEET AGAIN SOON...and personally, I dont want them being upset with the way I acted when they went on their way to HEAVEN! :D

I am praying that God grants us all peace and warmth in our hearts and that we may be with our children again together in Heaven.

kristi said:

you know in this thing you wrote you said something about moving on,well i have been dealing with grief for 2 and a half years and all my coworkers say to move on.well you know them are words.i cant move on,i think about my son everyday that he has been gone,now graduation is this sunday and all the kids want me there.there is a purpose for that,that

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Permalink Reply by kristi on May 31, 2009 at 11:13pm

HI,JUST TO LET EVERYONE KNOW I WENT TO MY SONS GRADUATION,I MADE IT THROU IT MAYBE BECAUSE I HAD SO MUCH SUPPORT FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE.THEY DONATED MONEY TO GET A YEARBOOK FOR OUR FAMILY AND THEY CALLED ME UP TO GIVE IT TO ME.I TRIED TO SAY THANK YOU BUT IT WOULDNT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH I THINK THEY KNEW THAT I THANKED THEM.I WENT TO THE CEMETARY FIRST AND PUT BALLOONS UP IN THE AIR IT LOOKED LIKE A RAINBOW,AND YOU KNOW IT WAS RAINING OUT SO THAT WAS COOL.I HOPE MY DAUGHTER CAN CHEER UP,SHE TOLD ME TODAY THAT SHE CRIED LAST NIGHT BECAUSE THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE FOR MY SON TO HAVE HIS GRADUATION PARTY NOT JUST PEOPLE COMING UP TO HELP SUPPORT US WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST.I TOLD HER CRYING IS THE BEST.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL MY KIDS WHEN THEY WANT TO CRY,BUT I SAY THAT IS THE BEST MEDICINE.THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT ON HERE I COULDNT OF DID IT WITHOUT YOU ALL TO.KRISTI

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Permalink Reply by Susan on June 1, 2009 at 5:55am

Kristi, I m glad you went. And that was nice of them to get you a yearbook. Susan

kristi said:

HI,JUST TO LET EVERYONE KNOW I WENT TO MY SONS GRADUATION,I MADE IT THROU IT MAYBE BECAUSE I HAD SO MUCH SUPPORT FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE.THEY DONATED MONEY TO GET A YEARBOOK FOR OUR FAMILY AND THEY CALLED ME UP TO GIVE IT TO ME.I TRIED TO SAY THANK YOU BUT IT WOULDNT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH I THINK THEY KNEW THAT I THANKED THEM.I WENT TO THE CEMETARY FIRST AND PUT BALLOONS UP IN THE AIR IT LOOKED LIKE A RAINBOW,AND YOU KNOW IT WAS RAINING OUT SO THAT WAS COOL.I HOPE MY DAUGHTER CAN CHEER UP,SHE TOLD ME TODAY THAT SHE CRIED LAST NIGHT BECAUSE THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE FOR MY SON TO HAVE HIS GRADUATION PARTY NOT JUST PEOPLE COMING UP TO HELP SUPPORT US WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST.I TOLD HER CRYING IS THE BEST.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL MY KIDS WHEN THEY WANT TO CRY,BUT I SAY THAT IS THE BEST MEDICINE.THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT ON HERE I COULDNT OF DID IT WITHOUT YOU ALL TO.KRISTI

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 1, 2009 at 7:00am

Hi Kristie,I knew you could do it. I know you were sad but also proud. Tell your daughter its OK to cry. Because Kris two sons they are still crying. The youngest son was two when Kris was killed in his fatal car accident just cried on last Sunday because was still waiting for his dad to return home from work. So you know I am still going through it. His son Kory is five . He knows that he won't see his Dad again,not at home returning from work, Kory cried so hard to be told that his dad won't be returning home from work. Kristie I am so glad you decided to attened the graduation. I know it was very emotional,but somewhere there should have been some joy. Just knowing that it was his class that graduated. Than I know the Pain fell in when he could not be seen walking down the isle or across the stage to recieve his diploma. What a day that would have been. Kristie I still miss Kris so much. I heve been bringing flowers lately with baloons. It still feels like a big piece missing from my heart. I just miss that kiss and big hug everytime we would see each other. Well Kristie its been since 2006,three years yet it still hurts. So just keep praying for me,which I know God would put no more on me than I can bare. Keep up the good work Kristie and to be strong and hang in there because we will be talking about them for the rest of our lives. I don't know about you but it makes me feel good to say Kris. When I says or speak his name it makes me feel like his presence is with me. So he is my talk everyday. I love and miss him so much. There is NO going on with Kris for me. He will always be a part of my life like if he were here with me. It brings me joy just to mention his name. So Kristie congradulation on the graduation. Keep pressing on and God will take care you,me and all the others that carry the pain or heartache with the death of a child. May God be with all of us. Elaine

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Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on June 8, 2009 at 2:25pm

There has been something that has stuck with me every since I came to know the paraphrase. "The loss of my assumptive world." That is a very powerful idea. Everyday our brains are constantly making decisions, jumping to conclusions, passing judgements, developing preconceived notions, and just overall constantly creating scenarios of life. Our brains are our writers. They are the taskmasters of our free will, and generally for most of us, we spend too much of our time writing futility on our free will. I have been considering all that my son's passing is inspiring me to do. Sadly, however, I am moved with regret that the best days of his life were not spent watching his mother delve into the heart of humanity, or leading a new consciousness of awareness, but rather existing. Now at the most eminent junction of our lives, I am pressed, agitated and quickened in my spirit to do so much more than I have ever imagined, persued, or cared. This is why I miss him. I did not show him the best that life had to offer, and I feel cheated that there is no hope that I will ever have that chance again. A friend of mine was comforting me on the matter, and he said to me, " do you really think Elijah cares right now what you never got to show him?" "He's somewhere running on the stars and dancing on the seas, do you really think he cares that you never showed him how to ride a horse?" Well I am sure that is all very true. I have no qualms about the freedom of Elijah's spirit. But, I also know that someone will be held accountable for the days of his life, and those that are responsible will also be held accountable for the day of his death. But sometimes it still hurts. It hurts now and presently. Immensely and consumably, it aches and losing him pains me down to my very soul. I think of all the things that we pursue as parents. More stuff. It is such a stigma being a single parent because we as a society are always persuing something. We wrap up our identity in our pursuits. Meanwhile, the children are at home longing for us to walk through the door, so ecstatic that we are returned from our persuits for them to be graced by us once again. Yet still we forsake them, for rest. More rest to chase our pursuits. John lennon said that life is what happens when you're making other plans. I never planned to lose my son. I never planned to hurt so deeply. I never plan to have ths experience again. I plan to look up, and look forward. I plan to press. I plan to let the chips fall where they may. I plan to reside in peace, to surround myself with love. I plan to live. I plan to take it one day at a time. I plan to swallow my pride, and eschew ignorance, hate, and evil. I plan to heal, see, and worship. I plan for this to be the focus of my life. Whatever happens that deviates from this plan, I cannot control. It is not that I am assuming that this is the appropriate path to take, it is the best that I know to do. Even as a mother, I know in love that I have done the best that I knew to do. It was my hope that my best would be enough, it still is. I know that his grace is sufficient for ME, despite my losses and my failures. Everything in the universe comes from God, and it dies to return to him. His grace is sufficient to death. Until our last breath, everyday of our lives, every hair on our heads, his grace is sufficient for us all, and his mercy endureth from everlasting to everlasting. So as long as I don't have to assume that my soul has been saved by whatever sufficiency that he has stored up for me, life as I know it is merely a glimmer. The passing of a star across the night sky, dust in the wind. So whatever happens I am covered. Whatever assumptions loss, I am restored.
Praise the Lord!

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Permalink Reply by sue on June 8, 2009 at 3:45pm

Wow Tiffany, you said it sister. I feel that need to seek my path more urgently than ever before and to not waste a moment with regret but to press on knowing that my life is now. Thanks for your words of encouragment. God Bless you and yours. I too was a single parent, divorced, but even though I did my best I always felt they deserved more. I am so grateful that they have forgotten or never knew so much. I have at times reflected and remembered so much work to just survive and to keep them safe. It is a hard call to know where to spread your energy and love but just doing the best you can at the time and loving is all you can do. My son told me once that I taught him everything he knows about being a good father? He said "you stayed, you never gave up on me" and you loved me even when I wasn't lovable." He said, "I always knew you would never leave me no matter what". I am so sorry about your child, no words can express that deep loss. suep

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