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Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on June 26, 2009 at 10:47pm

Your only son. I don't even like writing it. I can't even do this right know. God bless the souls of those that have gone on before us. Selah forum. Goodnight. This has been the best place for me since losing my son. Thank You those of this precarious rite. May God have mercy upon our grieving hearts.


Heather said:

My heart goes out 2 U~ I just lost my Only Son in Febuary. I believe that the pain Never goes away but we just get used 2 living with the pain & it is a pain we do not want to live with but we have no choice in this matter. A parent should never have 2 suffer the loss of a child & the pain some time I know just takes your breath away but it is OK. Grief is A Journey that No 2 People do the Same. Grief is work that Never Ends. Remember that Tears cleanse your soul & warm your cheeks...Cry it is OK...I have cryed enough tears to proble fill my own river...always remember memories in the heart are Never forgotten...unless you forget to visit them...You Never completely solve grief, it just keeps changing...keep saying there name it is OK...share there memories that you cherish so much...Always remember whenever death happens, wheather anticipated or not, we are Never ready...Time, Courage,Life help to ease the pain, But it Never goes away...Songs, dates,times, and places & people may all trigger tears but remember tears warm your cheeks...say there Name...it is OK...Also remember this.. there is No Right way No Wrong way To Grieve....No 2 People do it the Same...There is ONLY YOUR WAY & IT IS OK....Your Grief Will Take More Energy Than U Ever Imagined...Be Patient with yourself, Don't Expect to much...Say there Name it is OK....You May Ask, "Why Me"? But remember Everyone in life must experience death & loss someday...Grief is like ripples in the water, one small ripple leads to a larger and then a larger ripple...it is OK...Say There Name...

Take care, one day at a time,
Still Broken Hearted,
Heather

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Permalink Reply by Brenda on June 27, 2009 at 4:37pm

I lost my son Michael March,16 2007.My oldest daughter came to my home banging on my door shouting Mama Michaels been in a car wreck.Me,myhusband and my then 13 yr old got up and got dressed.We drove the 20 miles to the scean of the accident just thinking it was a finder-bender,when we arrived I saw all the flashing lights and noticed traffic was being redirected.We parked and I walked up to the accident and stop to look around,I did not see Michael anywhere so I thought he had already taken to the hosiptal when I noticed I was standing on a windshield.Thats when I looked down and saw my son laying under his truck dead.I tried so hard to get to him thinking maybe I could help him but the police and firemen would not allow me to get to him.I relive that day eveyday.I miss him so much.Will I ever get over the loss of his death?He was only 22.I know life must go on but how can a mother ever cope with the loss of a child no matter what the age is.Parents are suspose to out live their children.

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Rose on June 27, 2009 at 6:15pm

I found this site by accident today and wanted to thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement. I lost my youngest son on June 13th due to a drug overdose. I went in his room to wake him up and found him dead on his bedroom floor. I never thought I would have to go through this again. I lost an infant daughter 21 years ago. I have two others sons and a daughter. I don't know what do with myself, the first week was busy with arrangements and visits from family. Now everyone has seemed to jump back into life and I can not seem to leave my bedroom. I know I need to stay strong for the rest of my childern, I just don't know how.

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Permalink Reply by Jackie on June 27, 2009 at 11:12pm

I also found this site by accident today. My son took his life 2 weeks ago and the only thing I can say is that I do not recognize this new life in front of me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am suppose to be doing. I just feel lost, and sad, and empty. I start counseling next week, if I am able to drive. I am a somewhat strong person but this is too much. Parents aren't suppose to bury their children. Eric was 26 and it was the fastest 26 years of my life. I've seen my parents pass away when I was a young child, and had a sister who was murdered 30 years ago, but this is beyond any other loss I have had. I have two other sons who are coping the best they can but are going to need help as well. Is it unreasonable to ask when this fog will go away? Or will it always feel this way?

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Permalink Reply by Susan on June 27, 2009 at 11:21pm

Hi Lisa,
Welcome to the site. I too found this site by accident. It been 10 months ago. If it had not been for the wounderful people here I would not be here. I to lost my son to party ways. His friend bought him home and drop him on the sofa. the next morning I found him dead four months later I found out what happen throught the mail from the connor office.Reading the stories and the lives that the site has touch. I am glad to be here. Thanks for listening Susan Wright Daniel's mom
Lisa Rose said:

I found this site by accident today and wanted to thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement. I lost my youngest son on June 13th due to a drug overdose. I went in his room to wake him up and found him dead on his bedroom floor. I never thought I would have to go through this again. I lost an infant daughter 21 years ago. I have two others sons and a daughter. I don't know what do with myself, the first week was busy with arrangements and visits from family. Now everyone has seemed to jump back into life and I can not seem to leave my bedroom. I know I need to stay strong for the rest of my childern, I just don't know how.

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Permalink Reply by Susan on June 27, 2009 at 11:35pm

Hi Jackie,
welcome. the fog will go away. the pain is still their. You can make it but you will need alot of patenice. Something I didn;t have until now.Just be ture to yourself and take good care of yourself and you will get through today.One day at a time.At first one hour at a time. Then you can build up.I still have days that I can;t get up. Then I look at picture of Daniel and look at at my granddaughter and I go on. and she ask me if I;m talking to uncle D. and I'll tell yes and she give him a kiss and say come on grandma, I need something to drink and I;ll get up. Stay in touch, Thank for listerning Susan Wright Daniel's mom.

Jackie said:

I also found this site by accident today. My son took his life 2 weeks ago and the only thing I can say is that I do not recognize this new life in front of me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am suppose to be doing. I just feel lost, and sad, and empty. I start counseling next week, if I am able to drive. I am a somewhat strong person but this is too much. Parents aren't suppose to bury their children. Eric was 26 and it was the fastest 26 years of my life. I've seen my parents pass away when I was a young child, and had a sister who was murdered 30 years ago, but this is beyond any other loss I have had. I have two other sons who are coping the best they can but are going to need help as well. Is it unreasonable to ask when this fog will go away? Or will it always feel this way?

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 29, 2009 at 6:34am

Hi Lisa,my name is Elaine. I now have to say I have 2 children instead of 3 now,it hurts to say that,than my mind goes back to Kris. My fisrt born was a boy,he was 1month and 18days old when he died. This was my only son and child during this time. Now I have to change my number again. Now Kris was my youngest son and child. It hurts so much even though it has been three years for me,but the pain is still there. I have no other place to go and write how I feel and someone understands what I am saying and feeling. This is why I call this Site a BlESSING and a HEART to HEART FAMILY BOND. If times permits view Kris Memorial site. (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepage.aspx)
Lisa Rose said:

I found this site by accident today and wanted to thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement. I lost my youngest son on June 13th due to a drug overdose. I went in his room to wake him up and found him dead on his bedroom floor. I never thought I would have to go through this again. I lost an infant daughter 21 years ago. I have two others sons and a daughter. I don't know what do with myself, the first week was busy with arrangements and visits from family. Now everyone has seemed to jump back into life and I can not seem to leave my bedroom. I know I need to stay strong for the rest of my childern, I just don't know how.

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Permalink Reply by Linda crawley on June 29, 2009 at 7:16am

Hi Elaine. I just visited your son's site and it is beautiful! He was an amazing person. My son has been gone almost 8 months and it is rough! One day, I am ok, and the next,well just not ok. it was my birthday saturday,first one without him here, so it has been a sad few days. Will all these special days remain this difficult? Then I even feel guilty thinking I need to get beyond it. What a confusing set of feelings we are provided with in this healing process. I hope you are well and I thank you for sharing. My son,Joe has 2 that are being incorporated into one. When you get a chance, take a peak. Linda www.joethell.com

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Hi Lisa,my name is Elaine. I now have to say I have 2 children instead of 3 now,it hurts to say that,than my mind goes back to Kris. My fisrt born was a boy,he was 1month and 18days old when he died. This was my only son and child during this time. Now I have to change my number again. Now Kris was my youngest son and child. It hurts so much even though it has been three years for me,but the pain is still there. I have no other place to go and write how I feel and someone understands what I am saying and feeling. This is why I call this Site a BlESSING and a HEART to HEART FAMILY BOND. If times permits view Kris Memorial site. (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepage.aspx)
Lisa Rose said:

I found this site by accident today and wanted to thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement. I lost my youngest son on June 13th due to a drug overdose. I went in his room to wake him up and found him dead on his bedroom floor. I never thought I would have to go through this again. I lost an infant daughter 21 years ago. I have two others sons and a daughter. I don't know what do with myself, the first week was busy with arrangements and visits from family. Now everyone has seemed to jump back into life and I can not seem to leave my bedroom. I know I need to stay strong for the rest of my childern, I just don't know how.

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Permalink Reply by Twila on June 30, 2009 at 2:50pm

Lisa Rose said:

I found this site by accident today and wanted to thank all of you for your stories and words of encouragement. I lost my youngest son on June 13th due to a drug overdose. I went in his room to wake him up and found him dead on his bedroom floor. I never thought I would have to go through this again. I lost an infant daughter 21 years ago. I have two others sons and a daughter. I don't know what do with myself, the first week was busy with arrangements and visits from family. Now everyone has seemed to jump back into life and I can not seem to leave my bedroom. I know I need to stay strong for the rest of my childern, I just don't know how.

Lisa,
I know what you mean when my son died on 12/12/2008 and everything was over I did not know what to do after everyone just went home and it was us alone all these people until we buried him and then nothing for a few days and your left in shock what do I do now is what I thought. I stayed in bed for 1 week only to get up and go to his grave and sit there asking why? I could not think of anything else my heart was crushed I kept think how do I get through this how? But it has not been 6 months and it is still hard but I write poems quotes I hear so people will understand me and my feelings..He was going to graduate this pass spring that was hard now his daughter my granddaughter is turning 1 years old on the 4th of July and we had plans me and my son when she was born now I dont know what to do...I got an invitation from her mother but I dont even want to go because my son is not going to be there...but for her my granddaughter I will. Some days I feel I'm going crazy. It is so hard to talk to anyone or think of anything but about what happen I know I hated it I miss him so much so much..but if you ever what someone to just listen I can and I care we understand each other mother to mother the pain heartache emptiness.
take gentle care
Twila

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Permalink Reply by Georiga on June 30, 2009 at 3:11pm

I lost my 14 month old daughter in a car wreck in October of 2001. I still miss her soooo very much. I've read the stories by other people in similar situations and it's heartbreaking. I was lucky enough to have another child after, but I can't help but think something is missing, there should be two. I know that sounds pretty ungrateful, but I can't help it. My little girl I have now means so much to me and I'm so overprotective of her it isn't even funny. I don't want her resenting me in the future. I'm at a loss.
The nightmares have started again (happens every year starting about July through November) and I'm a wreck. I've tried therapy and everything under the sun. She would have been nine years old on August 28th and it seems like this just gets harder every year. The first two years I spent numb and drugged out in therapy and I can now drive my car, but the pain and the nightmares....I try to be strong for the child I have but I feel I'm failing. I NEVER let her see me fall apart. I've got some control, but when she's with her dad for visitation, I sometimes cry myself to sleep most nights. I'm hoping that putting this out here will put me in touch with others in my situation and maybe they can show me how I can begin to heal myself. God bless you and thank you for reading this.
Georgia

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Permalink Reply by Twila on July 6, 2009 at 2:01pm

Georiga said:

I lost my 14 month old daughter in a car wreck in October of 2001. I still miss her soooo very much. I've read the stories by other people in similar situations and it's heartbreaking. I was lucky enough to have another child after, but I can't help but think something is missing, there should be two. I know that sounds pretty ungrateful, but I can't help it. My little girl I have now means so much to me and I'm so overprotective of her it isn't even funny. I don't want her resenting me in the future. I'm at a loss.
The nightmares have started again (happens every year starting about July through November) and I'm a wreck. I've tried therapy and everything under the sun. She would have been nine years old on August 28th and it seems like this just gets harder every year. The first two years I spent numb and drugged out in therapy and I can now drive my car, but the pain and the nightmares....I try to be strong for the child I have but I feel I'm failing. I NEVER let her see me fall apart. I've got some control, but when she's with her dad for visitation, I sometimes cry myself to sleep most nights. I'm hoping that putting this out here will put me in touch with others in my situation and maybe they can show me how I can begin to heal myself. God bless you and thank you for reading this.
Georgia

Hi Georgia,
My name is Twila I am the same way its only been 6 months since my son has gone but I hurt everyday and just dont let up even just a little..I miss him so much he was 18 and was hit by a truck walking home on 12-12-2008 it has been hard I cry when I go to sleep and when I get up. It helps and I try to think of him in a better place but its the wondering what he be saying to me or wanting to see him so much I think it dont get better it just gets a littler bearable the pain..you never really let them go ever. I have my daughter's and I bad I dont like them being away from me and I have to know where they are at all times. My world is not the same and me to I have a hole in my heart. I think I could died from a broken heart i would. I miss him so much and sometimes when I watch TV or a movie and I see someone hit by a car or something I just start crying so hard I think that is him...he was my baby boy and how I miss him. He did have a little girl my granddaughter but I dont get to see her as much as I would like.. she is so her dad..Her birthday was July 4th, 2009 and I could not bring my self to go everyone was there and in my mind I knew my son is not there and I could not face it I cried all day..but later I went when everyone was gone and I took her and kept her for awhile..we just did all the family stuff on holidays but my son is not here its so hard...and now that its over the 4th I feel so lonely and empty..almost lost..there is just a piece of me gone and will never be whole ever my took it with him..dam I hate life sometimes..the pain is to much some times.
take care
Twila

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Permalink Reply by joni turk on July 6, 2009 at 11:45pm

so much grief, so much pain, so much love lost. i have lost both my twin sons and my youngest boy in the past nine years. i am not sure i have fully grieved as i am so busy taking care of the rest of our family. one twin died in 2000 at age 24, the second aged 30 in 2006 and the youngest age 30 on thanksgiving day 2008. how much can one family take? i also pray and grieve for all of you who have lost. i don't think i really know what grief is as it feels like i am still in a dreamworld. maybe this is Gods way of helping me, being the one who holds everyone up. i pray every day for our four daughters safety and their families. maybe i did not pray enough before. i just don't know. i have no answers.

Twila said:

Georiga said:

I lost my 14 month old daughter in a car wreck in October of 2001. I still miss her soooo very much. I've read the stories by other people in similar situations and it's heartbreaking. I was lucky enough to have another child after, but I can't help but think something is missing, there should be two. I know that sounds pretty ungrateful, but I can't help it. My little girl I have now means so much to me and I'm so overprotective of her it isn't even funny. I don't want her resenting me in the future. I'm at a loss.
The nightmares have started again (happens every year starting about July through November) and I'm a wreck. I've tried therapy and everything under the sun. She would have been nine years old on August 28th and it seems like this just gets harder every year. The first two years I spent numb and drugged out in therapy and I can now drive my car, but the pain and the nightmares....I try to be strong for the child I have but I feel I'm failing. I NEVER let her see me fall apart. I've got some control, but when she's with her dad for visitation, I sometimes cry myself to sleep most nights. I'm hoping that putting this out here will put me in touch with others in my situation and maybe they can show me how I can begin to heal myself. God bless you and thank you for reading this.
Georgia

Hi Georgia,
My name is Twila I am the same way its only been 6 months since my son has gone but I hurt everyday and just dont let up even just a little..I miss him so much he was 18 and was hit by a truck walking home on 12-12-2008 it has been hard I cry when I go to sleep and when I get up. It helps and I try to think of him in a better place but its the wondering what he be saying to me or wanting to see him so much I think it dont get better it just gets a littler bearable the pain..you never really let them go ever. I have my daughter's and I bad I dont like them being away from me and I have to know where they are at all times. My world is not the same and me to I have a hole in my heart. I think I could died from a broken heart i would. I miss him so much and sometimes when I watch TV or a movie and I see someone hit by a car or something I just start crying so hard I think that is him...he was my baby boy and how I miss him. He did have a little girl my granddaughter but I dont get to see her as much as I would like.. she is so her dad..Her birthday was July 4th, 2009 and I could not bring my self to go everyone was there and in my mind I knew my son is not there and I could not face it I cried all day..but later I went when everyone was gone and I took her and kept her for awhile..we just did all the family stuff on holidays but my son is not here its so hard...and now that its over the 4th I feel so lonely and empty..almost lost..there is just a piece of me gone and will never be whole ever my took it with him..dam I hate life sometimes..the pain is to much some times.
take care
Twila

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