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Permalink Reply by Lynette on May 30, 2008 at 1:51pm

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

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Permalink Reply by Melinda on May 30, 2008 at 10:17pm

Sorry to hear of your loss. I continue to search the computer for some type of guideance to get me through the days of feeling lost. It all started a little over a year ago when we lost our nephew of 19 to a drunk driver in April of 2007, then my father-in-law (14 days later) unexpectually in May of 2007, then my father who was my best friend who i lost to cancer in June of 2007. In August of 2007 we lost my father-in-laws brother unexpectually on a cruise and that was a big ordeal to get him back to the united states. Trying to catch my breath and being a year later when the nighmare started, i received news this morning my cousin died of lung cancer at the age of 51. They told him he had a year, and was gone six weeks later. It just does not stop. My mom and dad are my best friends. Loosing my father has be so devistating to me. I feel like i am drowning and just can not come up for air. I know one thing the person who says time heals, i think needs to be punched. The only thing time has helped for me is that it gets easier to hide your feelings from your family and kids. I continue to struggle with the day to day and i do not make it through a day without tears and it has been a year later, but i will keep trying. My father was a hugh part of my life, from a father, friend and my rock in my life. I talked to him about 10 times a day. My mom and dad and my family did everything together. Its hard to keep on living and do what is expected of us, but we need to do it for our children. That is what i keep telling myself. And i do know that my father taught me to take things as they come head on and do not give up. So with his wisdom i hope to gain strength to keep going. Thanks for listening.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica on May 30, 2008 at 10:29pm

I'm so sorry, Lynette. You have been through so much, and clearly are grieving and missing your husband terribly. Of course you are missing him. How could you not?

I don't have the answers, but I do want to tell you that your boys are very fortunate to have you as their mom. My heart goes out to you and your boys, Lynette.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica on May 30, 2008 at 10:38pm

Thanks for sharing, Melinda. You and your family have had a difficult and traumatic year. My family has had a similar couple of years, one unexpected death after another. A lot of sadness and many tears. I don't think time heals wounds, but somehow we keep going. I'm sure your dad is very proud of you and misses you as much as you miss him.

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Permalink Reply by Melinda on May 30, 2008 at 10:42pm

Jessica, Thanks for the kind words, they really mean alot to me.

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Permalink Reply by Lynette on May 31, 2008 at 10:47am

Thank you for sharing your story. I am not much for words because I cant even find the strenth in myself but I will keep you in my thoughts.

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Permalink Reply by Lynette on May 31, 2008 at 10:49am

THankyou for you words Jessica. Sometimes it helps me to get it out even if it is on a computer. Your picture is adorable and you are very kind.

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Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on June 1, 2008 at 9:15pm

I don't have any answers, i keep looking for the whys the what ifs, i could go on endlessly but the more i do the more upset i become. On July 27,2007 i lost my husband my best friend but most of all i lost my soul mate. He was coming home on Highway 4 (in California) and pulled out to pass someone; at the same time there was a driver a ways ahead of him doing the same thing trying to pass someone in front of him. Unfortunately the driver had a poor judgement of distance and had pulled out in front of my husband. Of course the driver pulled back into his lane and hit his brakes and clipped the front end of my husbands truck, sending my husband down the side of the road into the water. All of this happened in a matter of minutes but it seemed like it kept playing over and over again. Lucky for my husband (if you want to call it that) was partially ejected out of his car and he tried to get the rest of the way out but died trying. It has been 11 months this June that he has been gone it seems like just yesterday. The grief counseling helps somewhat, it gives you the tools to deal with things that happen after you loose someone but the pain will always be there. I have had people say it has been 11 months it is time to move on but what they don't understand is that you can't not for the immediate present. To anyone who reads this try grief counseling or you local priest or even begin writing a journal it really does help; and when you look back on that day you can say to yourself " I made it I survived ". I miss my husband so much some days are harder than others, but somehow you get through it. We were married for 30 years and loved riding his Harley and he loved playing music with our 28 year old son. To anyone who reads this the grief of loosing a loved one will always be there, no matter how much time you spent with that person, but with time and faith and family and close friends you will be able to do live on. Lynette it has been three years for your loss of your husband and i send my prayers out to you and your family, you have made it for three years and you can make it by taking one day at a time.

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Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on June 1, 2008 at 10:57pm

Dear Melinda my heart goes out to you and your family, over the losses you have had. I don't know what state you live in but where i live in California they have grief counseling which i have been involved in for the past month. The grief never goes away over the loss of a loved one, but they give you tools and information on how to deal with the day to day struggles that you might be having. Also if you belong to a church and you could talk to a priest on the religious level it might help you alot. Sometimes if you have a really good friend you could call and talk to that helps; but what i have done is i had my son install in my Macbook a program called Clover Diary and it is a diary that you can write your day to day feelings and what your going through. It sounds silly but when i can't sleep i open up the diary and i start to write. Nobody has all the answers, i just gave you a few tools that might help; and why i say that is because i just lost my husband of 30 years in a car crash. He has been gone almost 11 months but it seems like yesterday, i just take one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time thats all i expect of my self.The drowning feeling is part of the grief and you will be able to get through it; just try to do one thing at a time and not all at once, never give up God has a plan for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

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Permalink Reply by Lynette on June 2, 2008 at 8:01am

Pamela,
Your story is so sad. I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a husband is so much more than just one loss. Its everything all in one. Friend, lover, protector, confidant, just everything. Thank you for reaching out to me. You are in my prayers also and I hope that some day we both heal.

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Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on June 2, 2008 at 11:45am

It was good to hear from you;i guess we have alot of healing to do. I still cry at night wishing my husband was here but God had a different plan. If you would like i can gie you my e-mail address and we can chat if you would want. Respond to me and then when i hear from you i will send you my e-mail, maybe we can both heal in the process.


Take Care Pam

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Permalink Reply by Melinda on June 5, 2008 at 3:51pm

Pamela, thanks so much for the kind words. You have gave me a few tools that i will think about using to guide me through life. I really appreciate your response and suggestions. We went to court today for the sentencing of the young man, ian smith - who killed my nephew. One more hill in life that we have climbed. I am hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel. Life continues even though we want to take a moment to catch our breath. I always say "time has no mercy". Thanks again. God Bless.

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