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Permalink Reply by marilyn henderson dorris on October 9, 2009 at 11:50am

my name is marilyn,and my husband went into septic shock hours after i called an ambulance-he was dead within 9 hours. it has been nearly 3 months, and i've have experienced some really strange thoughts and feelings. some days i feel as if he was never,ever even here on this earth with me-is that odd? i have been having trouble needing to cry, and find myself unable. i get tire so easily still-i am working(not everyday) but at night all i want to do is be in my house. i have some memorial projects(i'm going to put plantings in his work boots and frame collages my daughter made of him for his wake) but i am procrastinating. i'm hoping that writing this will enable me to move forward-i have felt so stuck lately. i got some comforting replies last time i wrote , so i'm hoping for that again-anybody ever feel like their loved one was never here?

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Permalink Reply by Carol Kunnerup on October 10, 2009 at 2:52pm

Marilyn, I just wanted to say that my thoughts have done a similar strange thing. I look at pictures of my daughter and worry that one day I won't remember who that lovely girl in the picture is. or that no one else will. I often feel as though my daughter is somewhere off doing something and we haven't spoken for a while, a busy soon to be 21 year old. then I get the slap in the face of the facts of life and the pain smashes into me. She was in a motorcycle accident just over 2 years ago.
I can understand if this sounds completely different, but, I think it is similar. it might be about the pain. the denial. the bargaining to do the right thing, then we will be rewarded with the return of our loved. I, too, am having trouble focusing, though I have many things to do and promises to be kept, I just keep being dragged back into the same places. I find that i want to be in the house too, perhaps just in case she decides to pop by and with that beautiful 18 year old fresh face with perfect olive complexion, soft dark eyes and wild and wonderful hair she will say, hips uneven,hands on one, sunglasses on top of her head, 'hi momma" i can hear it still. i miss her soo much.
I hear you Marilyn. chronological time means nothing. to me, there are periods where i lose my girl each and every day, several times a day. and then there are periods wehn it takes a memory or a song that send me reeling. she is on my mind each and every day. I think writing each day does help and marking the beginning and passing of each day to stay somewhat grounded in time.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself, i don't think you are procrastinating. your body and mind are doing waht they must to get you through this hard time.
I am so sorry for your loss. i know there are people out there who can be helpful.

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Permalink Reply by kristi on October 10, 2009 at 5:21pm

HI TO ALL MY FRIENDS ON LEGACY.COM YESTERDAY AND TODAY I WENT TO A WOMANS RETREAT,I LISTENED TO A SPEAKER HER NAME WAS LESLEY WYAMAN I LEARNED SOME MUCH FROM HER FOR THE GRIEF PROCESS AND HOW YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WOULD REALLY SUPPORT YOU AND STUFF AND I AGREED WITH ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID.SHE LOST HER 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER A YEAR AGO WITH THE BLINDS RAPPED AROUND HER NECK.THERE WAS ALOT OF PEOPLE THERE CRYING.WE FELT THE PAIN.JUST LIKE ON HERE WE FEEL THE PAIN FOR EACH OTHER.I TOLD HER ABOUT THIS SITE TO SEE IF SHE COMES ON HERE.JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I HAVE NOT DREAMED ABOUT MY SON EVERETTE TILL LAST NIGHT WHEN I WAS AWAY FROM HOME AND I TALKED TO LESLIE SHE TOOK ME OUT SIDE AND I TOOK GOD INTO MY HEART AND I WANT HIM TO SAVE ME FROM THE HURT AND PAIN THAT I HAVE BEEN FEELING FOR 3 YEARS.THIS LADY IS SO STRONG THAT SHE EVEN STOOD UP AND TALKED ABOUT HER DAUGHTER AND STUFF AT THE FUNERAL.SHE IS AMAZING.SHE HAS A WEB SITE ON UNDER HER NAME IF YOU WANT TO LOOK HER UP AND SEE WHAT SHE HAS DONE IN THE LAST YEAR THAT HER DAUGHTER HAS BEEN GONE.WELL I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM TRYING TO GET BETTER AND STOP THE ANGER AND PAIN THAT I HAVE INSIDE ALL THE TIME WHEN THE ANGEL DAY IS HERE.THAT IS WHAT LESLIE PUTS IT TO ME I HAVE TO START THAT.AND TO THE BITHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS.I LEARNED ALOT AND I THOUGHT I WOULD LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT I DREAMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 3 YEARS AND I AM PROUD THAT I COULD DO THAT.THANKS FOR LISTENING KRISIT

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl on October 11, 2009 at 4:41pm

No Michele your question does not sound stupid at all.Think of this, at John 5:28,29 Jesus Christ spoke of the earthly resurrection of the dead that will take place right here on earth. Revelation 20:13 stated that "the sea gave up those dead in it." So what matters is not where or how a person returns to the dust. Cremation does not prevent a persons' resurrection.

Matthew 19:26 tells us "with God all things are possible." and Titus 1:2 states "God can not Lie."

So we can have confidence in what the Bible says. The most important thing to remember is that even if you have gotten away from your Bible, get back into it.
The Almighty God Jehovah has told us what we need to do to be one of those that live on the earth when he makes it into a paradise to welcome back our dead loved ones. (Psalms 37:9-11,29)
John 17:3 says " This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ."

So for you to be on the earth when God makes in into a paradise, requires that you take in accurate knowledge of God and his son right now.

Taking in accurate knowledge you will learn Does God really care about you, will war and suffering ever end, Is there any hope for the dead, how can i pray and be heard by God, and how can i find happiness in life.

If any of those you would like to learn more about, and your heart yearns to see your loved one again, contact any Jehovah's Witnesses and they will be glad to assist you in learning more.

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Permalink Reply by Ilene on October 12, 2009 at 8:25pm

Hi I am very sorry to hear about the death of your husband. The loss of someone so close is difficult to bear. The pain, grief, and the feeling of Helplessness can seem umbearable. At such times we need to go to God's word for comfort
2 Corinthians 1:3,4. Jehovah describes death in the bible as an enemy that we can't overcome or fight off. Jehovah does give us hope that he will destroy this enemy and we will be able to see our loved ones who have passed away again this promise is found in John 5: 28,29. In Psalms 37:10,11 states how we will enjoy life here on earth. In Revelation 21:3,4 we find a promise for each one of us in the future. Imagine living in a world where hate, crime , sickness and death are no more. All these promises are real. You can answer me back if you would like to know how you can enjoy these promises

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Permalink Reply by Jerryette Vigil on October 17, 2009 at 2:58pm

Hello to whoever reads this:
It has been 11 months today that i lost my Beautiful sister Jackie! Just like that she was taken from me! I have come to realize that just talking about her makes such a difference with this empty feeling i carry!!! I still cry for her and i really miss her so much!!!!!!!!!!! She loved Life and her personality showed it!! Anyone that met her loved her and her laugh well it was contagious.......I just wanted to share a bit about " A NEW ANGEL" that i feel watches over me and my family. The sudden loss of someone close to you is so heartbreaking, the pain you feel, depression try's to take over and sometimes does, I would like to add just take one day at a time, remember the good times{smile} and God Bless all of You...Jerry

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Permalink Reply by Vicky Martinez on October 29, 2009 at 9:50pm

On September 6,2009 my oldest and dear son passed. He was living in Puerto Rico with his wife and children. A month before his wife called me and thank me because of the way my son was raised. I raised them by myself. She had breast cancer and surgery, he took great care of herself. He took days off from his work to be with her. Months later she had surgery again, and he took days off again from his work to stay with her. By the end of August she called me and said that my son was at the hospital and wanted to see me. Next day I went to P.R., he had an internal bleeding. I got to see him alive, and he said:"Bendicion mami", and I responded "God Bless You". I kept telling him he was going to be ok and I really had faith that everything was going to fine. He was yellow and kept his eyes closed. Next day they did not wanted him to speak because he was to anxious and shortness of breath. He died a week after. He was only 43 years old and has two children: one 18th and the youngest 9 years old. His wife asked for an autopsy with no results until now. I was unable to cry and just this week I can cry a little bid. I am depressed, tired, with pijamas all day; why God did not take me instead of him, he was not ready and he wanted to live longer. Is something I can not understand. I feel like a part of me was taken out of my body and there is nothing left. I lost my parents, my brothers;but this is different. Thank you for your attention. Vicky

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Permalink Reply by candace on October 31, 2009 at 2:24pm

Lynette, I'm so sorry to hear about your the death of your husband. Last year I lost my cousin to a hit and run. It was a very traumatic time for our family but what helped me to get through it were the encouraging promises in the Bible that let me see that God hates death just as much as we do and does not want to see anyone suffer. I really enjoyed the 28th and 29th verses in the fifth chapter of John which tell of a time when we can be reunited with those that we have lost in death. It says, " all those in the memorial tombs will hear his [Jesus'] voice and come out." But until that happens we still need help to cope with the pain we now face so there are many other encouraging thoughts. I was comforted by reading God's invitation for us in the 8th stanza of the 62nd psalm to "trust in him at all times... and pour at [our] heart" to Him especicailly when we feel there's no one else to talk to. These are just a few of the verses I find comforting but I hope they helped a little and I wish you and your children the best.

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Permalink Reply by candace on October 31, 2009 at 3:44pm

After reading about your son and how well he cared for his wife it seems like you did a really good job raising your children. I am so sorry to hear of his untimely death though. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose a child since it is supposed to be the other way around and even though death is a part of life that we often experience, it still hurts. Many times when tragedy strikes people ask why God caused it just like you askied ,but the Bible book of Job in the 34th chapter and the 10th verse reveals, " far be it from the true God to act wickedly." So even though it may seem that God caused these things to happen, He is not a wicked and doesn't cause us pain. Instead He views death as an enemy and sympathizes with us since He too suffered the loss of His son, Jesus. And God looks forward to the time when "He will wipe out every tear from [our] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore."(Revelation chapter 21, verse 3 and 4) So even though you feel a lot of pain now I hope you find it reassuring to know that Jehovah (God's personal name) doesn't want to see us suffer and plans on doing something about it.

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Permalink Reply by BJ on October 31, 2009 at 7:07pm

Sadly, in early December 2004, Rose Marie was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in one of her lungs. Experts agreed that it was fast growing and had to be removed. The surgery was performed later in December, and about a week afterward, the surgeon came into Rose’s hospital room while I was there and said: “Rose Marie, go home! You’re healed!”
However, only a few days after coming home, Rose Marie began to have severe pains in her stomach area and elsewhere. These persisted, so she went back to the hospital for further tests. It was found that for some reason, a number of her vital organs were producing blood clots that were preventing those organs from getting the necessary oxygen. The doctors did everything humanly possible to counteract this but were unsuccessful. Only a few weeks later, on January 30, 2005, I suffered the most crushing blow of my whole life. My dearest Rose Marie died.
At the time, I was almost 80 years old and had observed the suffering of people all my life, but this was different. Rose Marie and I were, as the Bible says, “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) I had seen the suffering of others and had suffered myself when friends and relatives died. But the suffering I experienced when my wife died has been far more intense and long lasting. I now fully realize what immense sorrow the death of loved ones has brought to the human family for so long.
Nevertheless, my understanding of the origin of suffering and how it will end has come to my rescue. Psalm 34:18 says: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” A key to enduring this suffering is knowing that the Bible teaches that there will be a resurrection, that those in the graves will come forth and have the opportunity to live forever in God’s new world.

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