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Permalink Reply by mellybelly69 on May 2, 2009 at 9:13am

first off i would like to say..that i am very enlightened to have found this website, and to see that there are many other ppl that are going thru what i am. suicide i would say is the worst way to go, because you are doing it to yourself,..and you couldn't even imagine the way that person would feel, even though you were so close to them..I Miss Pat everyday, still. He hung himself on New years of 07,,, its been two and a half years and some times it feels like it still happend yesterday...we were friends for about a year, and were together for about a year and a half. I was always a very confusing, misunderstood person. Until I met him. It was so natural, we fell in love so naturally. its like God sent him to me. the one that cared for me, loved me accepted me for who I was. I never had to think about what i had to say, worry about wht he would think.,, never felt uncomfortable, (unless maybe he was sneakin me in to his moms basement) hahah. He was perfect. We would say that our love was so strong, it could never be broken. I know if he was still here, we would still be strong like that...despite our problems that every relationship has.. Pat was my whole world, oen that I could share my deepest secrets with, no problem..I miss him more than anything and I would get stabbed over and over and overr just to have him back. He was only 18 when he did this, and I am now 18. I can't seem to know why sumbody so young would want to end this, I knew he had problems..but I was so blinded by reality..I wish there was sumthing I culd hav said or done, or hve known the things I know now back then.......maybe it wud b diffrent..but i dnt think so because if sumbody will do that I think they will do it whether its now or in 5 yrs, if its in they head they will do it...but I hate it, and I hate myself now....my one true love, the one i couldve spent my whole life with...I am mature for my age, very mature. and he was too. my one true love, the memories the memories never ending...I was so mesmorized just by watching him and looking at him, even when he would sleep HAHA. I could just stare at him forever, smiling, never get tired of him...one of a kind...a king..baby i miss you more than anything<3

Alisha said:

I have just recently lost the one I love, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, my best friend, my lover, my companion....he committed suicide by gun shot on Friday January the 16th 2009, and was alive for 2 days after that...he passed away at 10:35 am on Sunday January 18th 2009...I feel so bad and depressed right now...i was the last one to talk to him...I received a call about, well not even a minute later from his sister and she was yelling at me and crying telling me why did i do this to her brother and that he shot himself in the head and he wasnt breathing, I didnt believe her I asked her what are you talking about?She replied again the same thing she just said, she then proceeded to tell me that she didnt want to talk to someone who did this to her brother...I immediately fell to the floor crying....i was at a loss for words and was intent in my own thoughts and feelings....I felt guilty because a few months ago we moved in with each other and I ended up putting him out of my house 3 weeks before this but it was because of very good reasons, he started becoming abusive and i felt like my life was in danger every time he started to get angry ...long story short, we got back together and a week before he did this i just explained to him that i needed time and that we needed to be apart...i guess he couldnt grasp it but he knew that he had done me very very wrong for quite a while...the night this happened i was on my way home from work, but something told me DONT GO HOME because i knew that he was mad, so i didnt, i went straight to my cousins house...he was repeatedly calling and texting me...he ended up texting his suicide note to my phone and thats when i got the call from his sister....i cant even explain how tramatic this is for me....his sister still blames me and i feel like she has told the world that this is all my fault...i get threats from people because of her and what she has told people...his funeral was the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with in my life...actually it was the hardest day of my life...his casket was closed throughout the funeral and as they wheeled his casket down the ile, i thought that they had put him in the hurst, but to my shock they had opened his casket for the first time at the front doors so you had to walk by and see him before you left the church...i was walking and my eyes fell upon his face, he didnt look like himself at all,i felt my knees give out and blackness surrounding me, i dont even remember getting into the car, i remember hyperventalating and felt that i couldnt breathe....i couldnt even go to his burial because i couldnt take anymore pain....I try to remind my self everyday that this is not my fault, and God has helped me get this far and i thank my family for being here for me through this hard time....i can now talk about and im not crying every minute....so thanks to God and my family and friends because without them i would be a terrible mess right now...R.I.P Demontre Cartrel Carter...01-01-1990-01-18-2009....I love you....09-26-06<3 Always in my heart!!

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on May 4, 2009 at 6:37pm

Two months ago I lost my best friend to suicide. I was sitting in a class for my job and I received a text message from a friend telling me that my best friend's body had been found; she hung herself. We didn't become best friends until our junior year in high school. We were both cheerleaders, so we got to spend an extra amount of time with each other; by the end of our senior year we were inseparable. When I read the text it didn't make sense to me, I couldn't let the thought of her being dead "process." I sat there hoping that I would receive a text saying "Nevermind, it's not true," but I never received that text or phone call. I hoped that it was a dream and that I would wake up from it and everything would be okay. It didn't really sink in until I called her mom and heard her crying on the other end of the phone. Never did I think I would receive a text message or phone call saying that my best friend had committed suicide. How am I supposed to cope? How do I accept this? Why did she do it? were just a few of the many questions that I asked myself. She always smiled and it took a lot to "tick" her off. How did we miss the signs, if there were any. How can you not notice that your friend isn't acting the same? I wish I could have saw her one more time before Feb. 21. There are so many words that are left unsaid. I get so mad at her sometimes.... Did she not stop to think of all the people that she would be hurting? Did she know that she had people in her life that could have turned to? The pictures and memories I have of her aren't enough....

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Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 25, 2009 at 10:49pm

I lost my ex-husband to suicide, He had hung him self,and his 11 yr and 13 yr found him, Even know we were Divorced, I still had feeling's for him, and my step children. I was so upset that he would do this to him and his children, and knowing that his children would find him. But i have forgive him as his children did. And to day..May 25,2009 they found my Brother-in-Law dead on his bed, He shot him self in the mouth. He and my sister were married for 24 yr, and she left him a year ago for his best friend. And he has two children over 20 yr. But I realy loved randy, that was his name. I married his brother robert and we had three children together, But we divorced in 1989. But randy really loved sylvia. and his son thinks it is his fault, which of course it wasnt.I pray he is happy and well and with god and all his love ones that he has lost in his life. God Bless

Wendy

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Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 25, 2009 at 10:52pm

I lost my aunt in aug 08 and then my mother in law Dec 1 of 08 and my beautiful granddaughter Jan 10,09 and my brother in law today may 25.09. How much more can anyone take. I cant....

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Permalink Reply by sue on May 27, 2009 at 4:38pm

Wendy, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to understand why things like this happen and all so close together. You are just getting up and then something else pushes you down. Just know that others do care and take care of yourself. suep

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Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 27, 2009 at 9:42pm

Dear Sue

Thank You so much for responding to my letter, I know, I dont understand why this is happening to me, Is it a message from god telling me to smarting up. I have dont some bad things in the past, little things, But maybe iam just being learned a leason. I really dont know what to think, But i have not lost my belief in GOD and never will. Thank you for caring and may god be with you and your family and keep you all safe.


alwaysblessingneverlosses

Wendy

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Permalink Reply by sue on May 28, 2009 at 10:33am

Wendy, this isn't even about you, but it was their time. It is a fact, I believe, that we all have a time and when that time is here, we leave this earth. Don't blame yourself but that is one of the things in grief, or at least it was for me. My husband died of a brain anerysm and I wondered if I should have known and if I should have pushed harder for him to come home after he left the dentist. No one could believe he had no warning signs and that bothered me thinking "did I miss something"? His nurse niece even said, "he had to have had high blood pressure" but he didn't. All kind of things go through your head as if you have the control but "there is a time and a season for every thing under the sun"
I too have done some things I am not proud of and I wondered if I was being punished for my past but I remembered that I am under Grace and once you ask for forgiveness the bible says he throws it into the sea of forgetfulness and when you bring it up again he doesn't even know what you are talking about. Take it easy on yourself and cling to the lord and he will bless you. He never stops loving you no matter what. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. Past is past, let it stay there and forgive yourself. We can only do something about the future. I am praying for you. suep

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Permalink Reply by joni turk on July 8, 2009 at 8:46am

i have lost two sons to suicide and one to a trajic car accident. the first son was in 2000. to this day i don't know why. the second boy was the first ones twin and he died trajically in a car accident. i thought i would die of a broken heart. now my youngest son committed suicide on thanksgiving day of 2008. he came back from iraq several months earlier. threw his wife and 3 small children out and went on a party spree for almost a year. then on thanksgiving, he sat in his bedroom and told his 6 year old to leave as he had a gun in his mouth. by the time his daughter told her uncle this, it was too late. the uncle walked into the room just as he put the gun to his mouth. i have feared for our remaining 4 daughters lives every day since this. they all seem stable and happy but in the corner of my mind i am making myself sick worrying. this has been a roller coaster of nightmares for our family. i am angry at him at times for leaving his babies as i am angry with the first son for this also. did we do something wrong as they were growing up? did we not show them enough love? i prayed for my kids every nite but for some reason, it did not work. but i am realizing that people make their own choices and we have to quit blaming ourselves. its easier said than done. my prayers to all of you who have loved and lost someone so dear to you.

sue said:

Wendy, this isn't even about you, but it was their time. It is a fact, I believe, that we all have a time and when that time is here, we leave this earth. Don't blame yourself but that is one of the things in grief, or at least it was for me. My husband died of a brain anerysm and I wondered if I should have known and if I should have pushed harder for him to come home after he left the dentist. No one could believe he had no warning signs and that bothered me thinking "did I miss something"? His nurse niece even said, "he had to have had high blood pressure" but he didn't. All kind of things go through your head as if you have the control but "there is a time and a season for every thing under the sun"
I too have done some things I am not proud of and I wondered if I was being punished for my past but I remembered that I am under Grace and once you ask for forgiveness the bible says he throws it into the sea of forgetfulness and when you bring it up again he doesn't even know what you are talking about. Take it easy on yourself and cling to the lord and he will bless you. He never stops loving you no matter what. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. Past is past, let it stay there and forgive yourself. We can only do something about the future. I am praying for you. suep

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Permalink Reply by sue on July 8, 2009 at 7:31pm

Joni, what a terrible experience to lose 3 sons. I just can't imagine but you did the best you could and this was their decision to commit suicide. The two sons did this to themselves. It is common in a family of one suicide for another to also commit suicide. I think it is very important that you talk with all your family and tell them to talk to someone instead of this. That is about all you can do and keep watch as much as you can. It is not true that when someone talks about suicide they will never do it. If they talk about it that means they are considering it. This was not your fault. I am so sorry that you have had this experience. suep

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Permalink Reply by John Taylor on July 9, 2009 at 8:03pm

Ms. Joni, I'm so sorry for your loss. After losing my son over a year ago, couldn't even fathom losing more than one child. My heart hurt so made with the lose of my son Brandon that even with the love of my two daughters and my wife losing another child might send me over the edge. I spoke with both my remaning children and hopefully have clarified how much hurt losing my son put us all through. I pray daily that my family will not have to endure such a tadgidy ever again. My prays willbe with you and your family. Please take care. Sincerely, JBT

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Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 14, 2009 at 9:58am

I have been trying to get a group together here in Savannah for survivors of suicide. The response has been somewhat staggering through the past 2 years and I know from experience that some survivor's are somewhat hesitant to go to group meetings. I have since kinda given up on being the facilitator of the group. If I can get enough people that want to meet, I will certainly start up the group again. I found my brother in May of 2006. It has been one of the most painful things I have ever experienced and after 2 years decided that I wanted to start a group here in Savannah since there was no support group here. I did find online support but needed some face to face interaction with people that understood how I felt. If anyone is interested in coming to group meetings for support, please let me know.

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Permalink Reply by Joanne Hamer on July 15, 2009 at 11:49am

Dear Mr Taylor,

I lost my brother Chester on the 31st night in December. He was 35yrs and a father of two daughters age 12 and 6yrs. He hanged himself as he and his wife were apart for two months and he knew that she was never coming back home with his kids...They were his life. She was his 1st love. He kept telling my mum,dad and me that he was hurting so much that he could not eat.drink,work or sleep..he just wanted to close his eyes and never wake up..dad asked him many times to get help for him and his reply was "I just want them home and all will be fine" you could understand our pain when we found out that he had done this on the 31st and we found him at his home on the 1st evening hanging from his courtyard. When i gave my parents the news they say that they felt the roof falling on top of them..my Dad had to rush out for air. We keep telling ourselves that we should have tried harder but would he have listened to us?? He is my darling bro and not a day goes by that i dont miss him. I am one year older than Chester and my sister is 5yrs younger than him. she loved him so much. He was our darling. My dad cries a lot and loves to talk about him. My mum is very strong with her faith in Jesus and she always tells us that he is with God. He has been set free to be with God. No more pain and Sadness. Its hard for us who are left behind with all the memories, love and sadness to cope...but when we focus on God and try to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God then when its our time to go, we will be with our loved ones in Heaven. So ask God for strength every day to go on till you meet Brandon in Heaven. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and all the others who have lost their loved ones. God bless you all.
JoAnne.

John Taylor said:

In May my son Brandon shot him self. I knew he was upset but didn't know he would do what he did. My wife and I last saw him in in late March when he and his new girl friend came over to visit. He seemed very happy and I thought this was what he was looking for. In 1985 he lost his his mother when he was seven years old. He and his mom were two peas in a pod. They were best buds. He's been very hurt ever since. He always told me he wouldn't live to his 30th birthday. May 20th he was 29 two weeks short of his birthday. What's hard for me to understand is how many of his friends felt he was their best friend. I mean scores of friends. He still to this day has friends add comments to his MySpace page. I miss him daily and pray to God that he's protecting my boy. I hope he's found his mom and they are together.

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