Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more

Supporting a bereaved friend or loved one

Grief support: You want to help, but knowing how can be difficult. Ask questions, offer advice, and learn how others have helped those close to them heal.

Related articles:
• Helping Your Bereaved Friend
• What to Say: Confronting Unexpected Deaths
• Writing a Condolence Note
• Sending Flowers
• Myths About Grief

Tags: condolences, friend, friends, grief support, helping the bereaved, how to help, what to do, what to say

Recommend

0 members like this

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LChandler on January 23, 2013 at 4:15pm

Dear Cathy, sorry to hear of the passing of your mother-in-love. In regards to your request be positive and patient. Show him love and kindness especially when it is difficult to do so. There is definitely hope for you because you care. Listen to him when he needs to talk about his mom and do not feel that you have to have all the answers or solutions. Just remember that we all grieve differently and have to go through this process. Continue praying that God gives you the guideance to cope with your own grief and that of your husbands.
Cathy said:

My mother-in-love died this past May 21st. Mami had been ill and the family consented to surgery. She had huge gall stones, something had burst and a preferated bowel. Her lungs filled with fluid and she also had a heart attack. My husband's brother and sisters had been saying to go, then to wait, then to go and then to wait. Mami was in Mexico and we live in Pennsylvania. My husband was not able to go to see her as he usual each year, this past Christmas. So, he was planning to go this Christmas...we all were.
At any rate, the afternoon of the 19th my husband, his sister and my son left for Mexico. While they were on the way in Arkansas, mami died. My nephew called and told me, and he had called and told my husband.
Afraid that they might have an accident, my nephew called my husband back telling him that she was still hanging on.
When my husband arrived at the hospital, he asked for his mom..obviously she wasn't there..so he drove to his neighborhood.
The neighbor there told him that his mother was being viewed in a funeral home in downtown. He went, and arriving at the casket, he passed out.
I guess I have not been very supportive, and myself have not been dealing well with how he is grieving. I pushed him away and nagged.He moved out and then came home. Its just is always angry and complaining.
I don't want to be like this, but I am grieving too. Its so hard to see past the pain. I love him and want to help him.
He only seems close to my girls. He is even being hard on our son who he was/ is very close to. He refuses counseling and is quiting his job in December to go back to Mexico.
This time he isn't sure how long he'll be there. One, two, three months. He is working 126 hours every two weeks and is never home.
We argue constantly and I have had enough....but I love him and want to be supportive. He refuses to have anything to do with church or God. I just keep praying.
What do I do, how can I help....is there any hope for us?
I am so afraid to loose him too. There is so many other issues. He has become hard and bitter. He said he is done being compassionate. He is not speaking to two of his sisters...and pouring all of his money in to building in Mexico. He seems to be blaming himself and dealing with alot of guilt..for not being there?
Help,please!
Thanks...`