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The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Tags: baby, boy, brothers, child, coping with loss, daughter, girl, grandchild, grandparents, grief support, More…

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Permalink Reply by Debra Marie on November 25, 2012 at 9:54pm

Awww Robbie when I read this my heart went out to you. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am going through losing one son,I can't imgine losing two at once.Yes you do have to be strong for your Grandchildren! I went 11 months like a zombe after the death of my son. I have two sons still at home who did not have a mother. I have been trying to make it up to them. Anyhow I have a suggestion for you. Get a little photo album for the 18 month old starting with the front of the album label it "My Daddy" starting with the first page put some baby pictures of his or her's father then continue it with pictures of your son as he grew up through the years. Label each picture how old,what he was doing etc....Have the mother or you read it every day to him or her,then as the 7 day old as she or he grows do the same thing.You can also do another one for your other son who was their Uncle. I will hold you in my prayers. Deb

Robbie Carey said:

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

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Permalink Reply by David, Bernie's dad on November 25, 2012 at 10:14pm

Robbie, my sympathy to you. Next week will be fifteen months since I lost my 45 year-old son, and only in the last few days have I been able to tidy up a tabletop full of papers, and my dresser that I hadn't dusted since the hospital days in the fall of last year. It is so unbelievable. I just wanted to phone Heaven to see if he has a place to stay, and someone to look after him. So stupid, but what can I say?

Please look at my page, David, Bernie's Dad, scroll down to see some words that might begin to help you.

One day we will be together with them again, forever!

David.

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Permalink Reply by mary on November 25, 2012 at 11:05pm

I cannot find the original post from Robbie but I lost two sons at the same time and it was and still is very, very difficult. Some how knowing that they are together helps me but I find myself thinking about one and then saying wait what about the other.......

The holidays are terrible.... just terrible without them. My family will never be the same again. I have two older sons one just got married and has a little boy and although at first when I held him all I could think about is how I held my sons when they were babies and I sat in the rocker and cried inside rocking him to sleep. I see so much of my one son who died in him though it is amazing. He is also telling us he sees Angels...blue Angels and even said an Angel plays the drums...Stephen my son who died did. I was changing him one day and he rubbed a bracelet that my son had on when he died and said that's Stephen..."I run away from Angels". He was 18mos at the time he said that. Recently, my son and his wife were in the bathroom giving him a bath and he repeated that he saw the Blue Angel playing the drums to them. He has said it many times and drew a picture of the blue Angels ...he is now 2 1/2. He wakes up and tells his mother he said good bye to the men in his room. Also a shelf in my sons garage toppled over and missed hitting him by inches and the other day he said the Angel saved him.
I really don't know what to make of it, but I do feel that it is very real as no one ever even mentioned the word Angels to him before he said it himself nor did anyone really ever talk to him about my sons who died.

Robbie you are lucky to have a part of your son with you. My sons who died were only 21 and 19 and didnt have a chance to live their lives or have children. Hang on to those children tight and they will help you and their mother get through this. You don't have to be strong.... you don't have to be anything you don't want to be... I still just go with the way i feel each day...that is all I can do.

May God grant us Peace in our hearts.

Mary

Debra Marie said:

Awww Robbie when I read this my heart went out to you. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am going through losing one son,I can't imgine losing two at once.Yes you do have to be strong for your Grandchildren! I went 11 months like a zombe after the death of my son. I have two sons still at home who did not have a mother. I have been trying to make it up to them. Anyhow I have a suggestion for you. Get a little photo album for the 18 month old starting with the front of the album label it "My Daddy" starting with the first page put some baby pictures of his or her's father then continue it with pictures of your son as he grew up through the years. Label each picture how old,what he was doing etc....Have the mother or you read it every day to him or her,then as the 7 day old as she or he grows do the same thing.You can also do another one for your other son who was their Uncle. I will hold you in my prayers. Deb

Robbie Carey said:

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

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Permalink Reply by Come Be Refreshed 119 on December 31, 2012 at 1:01am

Dear Michael, I am truly sorry for your precious loss, the loss of your 5 year old daughter. No amount of words can take away the pain you are feeling at this moment. Your daughter was taken away from you in a such a senseless and violent way. What a cruel loveless world we live in (2nd Timothy 3:15). Michael, we will not have to live much longer with the uncertainties and insecurities that this life promotes today. Our loving God and Creator, Jehovah has given us His sure promise: "As regards the wicked, they will be cut off from the very earth; and as for the treacherous, they will be torn away from it (Proverbs 2:22). Mankind will then be able to live out his days: "....every man under his vine and under his fig tree; and NONE shall make them afraid" (Micah 4:4). God has also purposed that you see your loved one, your daughter again. What a beautiful future awaits those who have died and those of us who are privileged to be there when Jehovah calls there name to stand back up to life again (Isaiah 26:19; Acts 24:15; John 11:1-44). Michael may you find comfort and peace in the coming days ahead.
Try, though it may be difficult, but try and keep yourself with sufficient rest, healthy snacks and meals, fresh air and positive people in your life. Remember that God is near to those with a crushed heart and He will give you, Michael the needed strength to make it through the coming days ahead (Isaiah 41:10 and 13). You have my sincerest belated condolences.
Jackie