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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Discussion Forum

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan on Monday. 5 Replies

widowed at 46 I feel so alone

Started by melissa lyons. Last reply by Donna G on Sunday. 1 Reply

Newly Bereaved

Started by Dorothy Facciponte. Last reply by Theresa Wimann Jul 29. 25 Replies

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Comment by Shannon on March 6, 2012 at 5:00pm
Debbie, let me explain what I went through I have been praying that God would allow Mike to send me a sign and from everything knave read it says if your in a state that is really bad or your in fear the sign won't come mine didn't until this past week and Mike passed away 9 weeks and 2 days ago. I cry everyday and I'm sure that will continue, I am trying to do one thing for me everyday just for me weather it be to relax in my pjs an watch tv or go on the web or even just anise cup of hot coco just something for me time to think about nothing but good memories and I try to smile when I think of something that is good and count the smiles I had for the day. It is helping..

I have been reading that the soul watches over us and they feel our pain but they are unable to help us it is only when were ready to help ourselves that the signs will come, I started to try an be what ever one calls normal and last week on Sunday I walked into my living room and it was like walking into a flower shop it smelled of fresh roses which he loved to buy me, I also heard songs the same one over and over on Diffent channels which was one of his favorites after asking him for a sign.. I told him Sunday after all these wonderful things happened that it was okay to cross over that I will be okay.. But what came next broke my heart all over again I was reading and falling asleep in that half way state and I heard in my head not in my ear it was like the only way to explain it was telepathic and he said "I have to go" I jumped and looked around cause it was his voice in a very soft tone but not quit a whisper. On my way to work I asked for another sign on the radio if what I heard was correct and there it was the song he has been playing for me, on my way home and at lunch I asked for another sign but I got nothing.. When ever I asked he would play this song never failed.. Now I'm more sad than before because I feel he is gone andi want to say I was kidding I'm not okay come back.. I fear it's to late and I know he needs to finish his journey but I wasn't ready to let him go not 9 weeks and 2 days ago and surely not now.

Debbie you will get your sign just have faith it will come... Many hugs to you sweetie I will say an extra prayer for you tonight.
Comment by debra l. johnson on March 6, 2012 at 8:13am

Bruce I Love that Song It is Beatiful! Iam so Lonley here! & Trying to pay all the bill's on time are driving me crazy! I Dont know how my husband did it? But I also Lost so much money when passed away! & Now Iam Getting mad @ Him! But Then I feel so guility! Iam @ a Loss ? What do ya'll do, or How do we go on? What comes next? I Cant take care of me? I Still cant eat Very Much, My Kid's are all grown & My Grandkid's are almost grown! And Iam on a Fixed Income & Disabled! My own Therpist tell's me that I Look so Sad? I don't even know what that means? How am I suppose to Look! I Belive in God! & I Try To do the best I can? I Need to Find a Church? But I sometimes Think That The Lord might be mad @ Me? Or Maybe I done something so Wrong He can't forgive me! He has Taken Both of My Husband's To Be With Him in Heaven! But He left me behind, A Sad old lonely woman! And Everyone tell's me it just take time to heal! I Hate that word! Iam Just Lost, & Really dont know what to do? But This site is good for me some day's I comment! But Iam Trying to learn how to go on, & some how  Not to Look so SAD! I Pray That Curt would give me a sign, That he is OK, or That I will be ok? I Just dont know, Any Help from anyone would help me a Lot! My Prayer's Go Out to everyone on this site! And I Thank You For any Feed Back & Help! Have a Blessed Day! Debbie

Comment by Shannon on March 5, 2012 at 9:06pm
Bruce, I was thinking of looking on eBay I have seen them in the stores and there a bit expensive. I do love the iPad though I told Mike that it was the best item we ever won it came with $500.00 (5 - 100 bills) attached to the iPad he handed me the iPad and he pocketed the 500.00 when we got home he played on it more than me :) it is a great gadget..I lay in my room watch tv and have my iPad instead of my laptop.. I am going to check out the key board though i think it would be better than the screen.
Comment by CaliforniaDreamer on March 5, 2012 at 8:59pm

If you're looking at a real Mac BT keyboard the latest model uses 2 AA batteries, where the earlier one used 1. Sometimes people get them with a new computer and sell them cheap/cheaper than the stores. If you're buying from a private party learn how to pair it with your iPad before hand so you can test it out.

Comment by Shannon on March 5, 2012 at 8:51pm
Good idea Bruce thank you! I have been looking at the key boards I will wait for a good sale.
Comment by CaliforniaDreamer on March 5, 2012 at 6:42pm

Shannon, you might try turning 'auto-correct' and 'auto-fill-in' off. It can make little mistakes worse than the mistake itself. Also at home you can use a bluetooth keyboard instead of the touch screen.

Comment by Shannon on March 5, 2012 at 6:34pm
I guess I need to proof read as my iPad 2 desides to add words that I didn't type.. Mike won me the ipad2 on our cruise. I use it everyday I have only used my laptop 3 times since he won this for me in November the first day of our cruise :)
Comment by Shannon on March 5, 2012 at 6:10pm
Vee, I do believe we would have been great friends in "real life" you are truly amazing and Lawrence was a very lucky man as you were a very lucky woman to have such a great man.

I hope you and your brother enjoy the play I know I'm looking forward to it a date with my son is always a wonderful time. I am very glad that he still enjoys spending time with me at 17. I really think with all this grieving it would be nice to set it aside for a night and hopefully have a good laugh and just be "normal" again even if only for one night.

My baby sent me another sign today on my way to work I had asked for him to send me a sign on the radio from with of the 3 artists he loved...prince, Ozzy or beasty boys.. Yes this was his kind of music and yes I used to tease him all the time and tell him he was stuck in the 80-90s but hey it was a era for music.. Then little red corvette by prince came on I had the biggest smile and tears of course I adjust happy he is listening to my wishes and he is letting me know that he may not be here physically but he is here with us always..

Your so right about when your having a bad day or a good day I come on here multiple times a day to read the posts, I feel that this is my escape from people who don't understand.. I have one girl at work who lost her brother in law in a horrific car accident as we were leaving work on Friday it was horrible my heart breaks for her, we hired her 6 weeks ago and I connected with her on the first day, I always tell her that God brough her to work here to help me she is a wonderful person I adore her she has helped me so much now it's time for me to try and help her.

Last but not least, I am very happy that Lawrence did make sure that you would be protected financially if something should happen to him, and God made sure you were to deal with the funeral director so he could give you that information.. I did get the survivor benefits for my son they did change it to only 19, but I cannot believe is if I make more than 25,000 a year which I do or I couldnt even survive I will have to pay taxes on it and I have to keep a detailed log on what it was spent on, I don't do drugs hardly ever drink maybe 2 times a year and I don't even finish a glass of wine, and they want me to explain right down to the penny what it was spent on.. My husband was a
hard worker and he paid into this, why do they get to dictate how it is spent and if there is anything left at the end of the year it needs to be in a savings account. Because my son is older than 16 I don't qualify for any of his benefits until i am 60 even if he was under 16 I would have to make less than 15,000 a year. Who can live on that I'm lucky to survive on what I'm making now but amazingly enough I have for the last 9 weeks.
Comment by Vee on March 5, 2012 at 4:36pm

Shannon, I'm going to see Tyler Perry's new play "Madea Gets a Job" as well as the movie "Good Deeds."  I feel so bad that my brother has been staying with me, and most of the time I just mope around.  I'm really trying to put on a brave front, so I'm going to treat him to dinner and some entertainment. 

 

As for you and your son, he is entitled to social security benefits from his dad.  Sadly, I know this because I received them when my dad died when I was 11, and they also continued while I was in college.  You may already know about that, but maybe this information will help some one else on this discussion.  The same is true for the Veterans Administration.

 

Also, since I never really thought about it, I just walked into the funeral home prepared to pay.  It was the very kind funeral director who told me that I was entitled to Lawrence's retirement and that teachers have a life insurance policy separate from the regular life insurance.  I was so much in shock that I just looked at the man and forgot all about it.  He called the insurance company and the retirement system and had them mail me the necessary forms.  I found out also that Lawrence had taken out additional insurance, et cetera, annuities, et cetera, last year.  I was stunned.  I've heard old people say that just as women who are expecting get really busy before they go into labor, some sort of nesting, that people can sense that something is changing.  I don't know if this is true, but it sure shocked me.

 

I feel so for you, Deborah.  It may take a while for the shock of the whole thing to wear off.  When it does, just make sure you have people who you can REALLY rely on around, people who truly love you.  Get a list of people you can call who can come and support you.  Don't become a hermit.  I'm not saying to be watchful, but also let the tears flow; it's healing.  I and many others on this discussion are praying for you. 

 

You are still going to have to "go through" this, but that's the operative phrase, "You're going through."  It is a miserable, painful, overwhelming feeling.   But we are all here for you in our cyber fashion.  It seems that just when you need a word or some comfort someone comes online and contributes something that helps you get through another day.  I have learned this one thing in all of this. 

 

I intend to live each moment as though it is my last, because it just might be.  Whatever I need to say to people, whatever good I can do, whomever I can comfort, I'm going to do it because that was the essence of my sweetheart, Lawrence.

 

Julie, thanks for the kudos.  I love your posts as well.  Shannon, you're consistent.  You I love how you're sharing each phase with us.  Bruce and Shannon, they will know where you find you.  Remember, they are no longer confined by time or space.  Do you remember the old TV show "Bewitched" or "I dream of Jeannie"?  All they have to do is just be there.  I believe they are always with us; they are inside of our spirits.

 

God bless all, hugs to all!

Comment by C. Lo on March 5, 2012 at 10:19am

Bruce, thank you for posting that song, I had forgotten about it but have always loved it. I copied it to my desk top. It made me cry but also gave me a little hope to find out why I am still here.

 

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