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Comment by veronica christopher 1 hour ago

I look forward to everyday now that i can get on here and hear everyones comments, thx janao, marsha, cheryl , helen and christopher. I am so sorry that this is the way that we can meet so many good people.

Comment by cheryl holbrook 1 hour ago

Helen- Im so sorry to hear all that your going through. It does not matter how long it has been , when a love like we had with our loved ones is so deep i dont see how it can be easily disregarded. I feel so bad for you that you have to deal with doctors too when you know something is not right. Shame .. shame on them!! I feel just like you, all i have is not all I have it was all OURS. Everything we had is still ours, all around me is his presence whether its in the kitchen, bathrooom, outdoors, car, it ws never just his or mine. I look around and still say well thats what Mike used more than me or he liked that more etc. Im so glad to see you check in with us and at least let us know your ok. As janeo said if she was closer ... and if i were closer id help her help you out :) ((hugs)) Hang in there Helen your here for a reason dear, and you have alot of wisdom to offer.

Maggie - hope your feeling better as well dealing with those stones. I have never had them but heard they can be very painful. Keeping you in prayer.

Stacey - Congrats on the little ones achievement!! Thats great, they grow up so fast, enjoy every moment. Im sure he knew how proud mommy was of him :)

Saying extra prayers for each tonight and hope all have a peaceful rest .. Cheryl

Comment by veronica christopher 2 hours ago

I feel you, christopher. My rob was only 39. I am hurting so bad. I never felt this much pain in my life. How long were you and angie together? Me and rob would have been together 2 years in august. We had some our best times in the summer. I dont know how I am going to make it through this summer. I know through faith in the lord and believing. But its just those times when im all alone that it hits me the most. I dont want to be selffish but everytime i see people hugging or even kissing i feel like hollering at them to stop. This is horrible, i dont want to be like that, i should be happy for them but im not. No one is prepared for this, even if they say they knew it was coming soon. Today seems like a bad day for me...i am missing him oh so much. Keep re-playing the day in my head wondering what if. I watch those documentaries on how people kill their spouses, how can anyone do that and stay sane? Why not just leave them? Oh i wish he was here. Everyone keeps telling me that he is still here with me and that he would never let me go through this alone. But is that what people just say to make me smile or to make me feel better? I dont want to feel like i am going crazy, but is he really here with me? Did he really leave me alone? I just want him here. God why him, i love him. He was a very good man.

Comment by janeo 2 hours ago

Please, as much as Marsha helped us lets all give her one big cyber hug and prayers.

Comment by janeo 2 hours ago

Marsha,
Even though we never met but in my heart we been friends forever. I love you and wish so bad I lived closer cause I would take care of you 24/7. I'm so sorry your feeling horrible and not taking you seriously. I wish I could help. Richie and Ernie have to come to me and give me a sign on how to help being so far from you.

Comment by Christopher 5 hours ago

Moved to SE Kansas from just north of kc I meant.

Comment by Christopher 5 hours ago

Just want to say I don't comment much but read all the comments and words of advice between everyone and usually take something from all them.

I moved to southeast Kansas to just north of Kansas City in sept (2.5 hours away). As we are a farming family this is the farthest I've lived from my immediate family and we are all close. I didn't meet Angela until January (fell in love on first date) so I went a few months on my own - well Im a single dad w full custody of my children. But now that Angela is gone I find myself wanting to move back to the kc area. I'm in management and have always done well but I find myself not even caring if I get fired. In fact I'm selling my escalade and have bought a $3000 vehicle w cash so I can be prepared should I find myself unemployed. All this since her death.

I'm torn on the house issue though. I spend many weekends up at my parents' just to come home Sunday evening and hit w emotion cause I see Angela all over this house. But I don't know if leaving this house would hurt more than staying. Of course my family wants me back up there. They always have, but now think I need their close support. I've always managed well on my own, single handedly raising my children and juggling a successful career. I was only missing a great woman to share it with, but we know how that ended for me. I have experience at going at it alone so here I am once again. But since I've seen what true love and happiness is it is harder now...... I only rent my house as that was my plan for the first year here. Angela and I had started house shopping a bit. In fact the realtor wouldn't leave me alone so I had to finally just tell him my fiancé died and I'm no longer in the market.

But anyway, has anyone left their shared house and absolutely regretted it?

I say I don't have any strength left and my brothers say I'm stronger than anyone they know; I always over come, but I say everyone has a limit. It's a good thing I have my children as they are my safety net; my motivation, but I'm still hanging by a thread. How could I experienced this just to lose it? And is any 4 month love worth leaving this earth at the age of 41? These are the things that haunt me (besides her family).

Christopher

Comment by veronica christopher 5 hours ago

Thanks alot for everyones comments and support. I am going through a rough patch right now. Its very hard. Im missing my boo boo alot. God please.heal my heart.

Comment by Marsha H 6 hours ago

Maggie ...  I am so sorry you have not been well and kidney stones as you know are very painful.  Finally!  You know what was wrong and now it's healing time for you.  I hope you are feeling much better. I have no doubt that smokey smell was from Dave.  When things seem down and weary for me I can feel a strength from my Ernie and the good Lord.  Almost as if they are teaming up together to keep me going.  Now if only I could get the Canadian Health Care to listen!  Our waiting time at hospitals are anywhere between 2 - 8 hours.  Been there, done that so many times with my Ernie and myself in the past. 

Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 6 hours ago

My Dear Helen ....  Remember, when our spouses were with us our lives were busy, we worked, kept our homes up, shares 'things,' but what no one truly realizes is that material items are just 'things.'  There are wonderful memories attached for a few things, but what truly is the answer when we look at material things around our homes is 'the memories they left us in our hearts ... sweet things they did for us and not things!'  I am beginning to realize those small things such as my Ernie waking me up on a Friday or Saturday morning with a hot cup of tea, a silly grin on his face and holding a simple yellow rose or a bouquet of flowers from our garden. It's those small things I cherish and not a new car; new furniture, etc.  Those small things they did for us are etched in our minds and the ultimate gift they have left us is those wonderful memories; their spirit soars around us even if some can't feel it.  If you get that feeling 'someone is close' it's our beloveds. You may think 'I don't feel my loved one is close at all' but every single step you are now taking in your life be it small or great is spurred on by our loved ones.  Even being on this wonderful forum with our extended family is a gift handed to us.  Ask yourself 'how was I led to this forum?'  No, you did not come on it by accident ... you were led here! Bless Steve Caine and bless the angels that we call our extended family.

Much love

Marsha

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