Comment

Comment by Jerry on Thursday

Christopher, it's a good idea to go celebrate with your boys.Do it in a happy way to honor her birthday.Being miserable wont bring her back,and only hurt you. This Sunday would have been our 39th wedding anniversary,I plan to go to the cemetery with roses, but will try my best to be happy. Stay strong.

Comment by Christopher on Thursday

Thanks for the encouraging words. Today is her birthday. She would have been 42. She would be saying I'm almost 40. I'd say I'm only 38, don't rush it. We'd be going out to Applebee's tonight (not much to choose from in this small town). But instead I have to figure out how to make it through this day. I might take my boys to the restruatant to celebrate; not sure if I can handle it or not.

Comment by janeo on Thursday

Jane.P
I missed you.

Comment by MaggieP on Thursday

Well said Jane! You are so right! They can make our life difficult at a time when we are vulnerable, but they cannot take the most important thing, our memories. They also have to live with their anger and greed.

Comment by Jane P. on Thursday

Christopher, With one dieing breath the sin of greed raises its ugly head and strikes us from all sides.  Yes, I too have my ugly stories of greed but it is the deception towards me that hurts the most. What keeps me going is knowing  they will have to answer to God for committing a sin against His commandment  'thou shalt not steel'! So no matter what they take from me or swindle me out of they too cannot take it with them!  Keep her memories close to your heart because they are yours to keep and no one can take them away, no matter how hard they try.  Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by MaggieP on Thursday

Christopher, there are so many stories about families falling apart after a death in the family. It is so sad that when we should be pulling together in our grief, one or more people become angry and vengeful. It happened to me too when my husband died. We were together for 8 years before we got married, and we were married for 20years. There was a great difference in our ages, and I was his third wife. I wanted to make sure that everybody understood that I was in love with him and not his property. I had a house that I was renting out while we were married, and I continued to work. Luckily for me, Dave put a clause in his trust saying that I could stay in our home undisturbed for up to 18months. I say lucky because his oldest daughter would have kicked me out right after his death in December. She did hire a lawyer and threatened to remove all of the furniture in January. As it was, she was already removing things while I was still there. I had to hire my own lawyer to protect myself. She tried to have me arrested twice for removing items that were given to me by Eric father, and for taking items that didn't exist. We ended up going to court in September with a frivolous law suit that cost me more money, and got nothing for her. Since his death, I have had no contact with all of his children. The grandchildren...most of them have continued to contact me in spite of her insistence that they not speak to me.

I knew that I would probably become a widow at some point. I didn't know that it would be such a difficult thing to go through. I miss him every day! I miss the friendship I had with his cildren, but I can survive without them. It is their choice, not mine. I do hear the lies she has spread about me, and I am saddened by the fact that she has sold Dave's beloved land.

Comment by janeo on Thursday

Thinking of you all and pray you have a better day.Thanks to all of you I am.

Marsha,
Those keep them coming, you make me laugh and smile for 6:30 in the morning. :)

Comment by Dixie Olson on Thursday

Dear Friends: I know you are in the deepest valley of grief that you have ever been in, had it not been for GOD* his son, and the holy spiript I would not have come through the valley, I made several attempts on my life after my husband died, I begged GOD* every night to take me home, in one of my attempts GOD* spoke to me and said, only he had the right to call people home, and he will call us all home in his time. I know you are hurting so bad right now, but I must tell you that life has to go on, think of your loved one looking down from heaven and seeing the condition you are in. Would they want you to be that way? Get out of bed, take a shower, and eat something, and water is very healing. Ive been where you are and Ive come through it, it was hard as heck, but if I died wouldnt other people be upset like my sons gr-kids and friends? We are all in this together, each in our own way so you will have to battle your way back to a differant kind of life, I know you dont want to hear that, give me the raspberry if you want(lol) but life must go on. Ive gone through 9 yrs of grief in August, so if any of you need advice let me know, my love, thoughts and prayers to all.

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Christopher ...  When our lives are turned upside down from the loss of our beloveds it doesn't help when some families (either partner's) or friends you trusted for years turn their backs, but, you certainly get to know who your real friends are.  No matter how much it hurts you are so right about not getting into a conflict over it.  I have been amazed that the friends I thought would be there are not, yet the ones I didn't think would be there are and two of them are male friends (my husband's best buddy who is married and a neighbor Dan who cuts my lawn and has painted my house for a good price, among other things.)  I have found far more compassion from these two men than from many of my female friends.  My family (which consists of my brother, his wife and my 2 nephews in their late 20's) is here off and on, but, they'd rather someone else pick up the slack and I'll just have to accept that.

I don't blame your mother, but, you are wise not to get into a conflict as Angela would not want that.  Sometimes when we grieve we forget other's who were close to the deceased are grieving as well and some symptoms of grieving are:  shock; can't believe that person is gone; reality; anger; guilt; losing your religious faith off and on, etc.

Angela would be proud of your level headed attitude.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Carol ...  That was beautifully put and thank you for sharing.  Unfortunately, there are more dysfunctional families (ghosts in the closet) that one realizes.  I am sure you know how fortunate you are to have a large family.  Myself, my only sibling, my brother who is 6 1/2 years younger than myself married and raised his two sons while Ernie and I were caregivers with our parents, etc., because we weren't able to have children.  My father died at age 60 in 1973 and my mother wanted to move closer to my brother, but he and his wife were both working so Ernie and I were her only choice (don't think she didn't let us know that.) Ernie's father died in his late 60's in 1993 and his mother passed in 1994.  So, I have little family.  Ernie has one brother Wayne in NZ and things did not go well in 2010 when he came to visit us (Ernie was very ill at the time and we suggested he didn't come here because Ernie and I wanted to spend as much time together as possible) but he came and basically made our lives miserable.  It was not a good holidays season.  Ernie's sister lives not far from me, but caused a great deal of problems while Ernie was in hospital with his terminal illness (too long a story to share.)  I have since distanced myself from her and her family.  I have forgiven, but not forgotten because they stole the precious time Ernie and I had left together. I find some solace with Ernie's best friend, his wife and we are more like family.  They actually adopted Ernie and I as their family in the 1990's.  His best friend came from a dysfunctional family and his wife's parents passed away within a year of each other. 

Carol ... did you ever think that Jack made things happen with his family and yours meshing?  I have no doubt in my mind that Jack is very aware of Abby and she is part of him.  Take peace in that.

Hugs

Marsha

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