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Comment by Christopher Ruggles on June 7, 2013 at 5:35pm

I have been a mess all week. There was a building sense of dread about today. Yesterday, Barry kept playing me songs about love and saying goodbye. It was his way of telling me that everything is fine. He approves of my new beau and it's time to focus on that. He was an amazing man and it hurts my heart that so many of you never got the chance to meet him. He left when he felt he was ready; even though I wasn't. Today marks two years. I hope each of you, at least once today, will turn to someone in your life and tell them you love them for being a part of your life. It's a small gesture, yet it fills the heart.

I've been sort of numb today. Not sure what that's about. I think I might finally have my closure. He's still here with me, watching over me and the boys. I will always love him. Now I have a new adventure to focus on. Someone who accepts this great big ball of crazy and wants to be a part of my life. I've always had more love in my heart than I could share. Sometimes it hurts not to be able to release it all. Now, I am able to share that love with someone new and my load is lessened.

Thank you to everyone who has been with me as part of this journey. Your presence is appreciated more than you will ever know. To those who chose not to be part of this, I understand.

Comment by Shane Clements on May 3, 2013 at 10:07pm

Comment by angel barnes on January 17, 2013 at 8:04am

my name is angel and last wen my partner carol lost her battel of cancer im hopping i can find some peace by joining this group we were togeather over 5 years and it all happend so fast that i still just dont no how to put it all togeather from sep she was sick and jan9 2013 shes gone ,,im lost and just dont no were to go or anything we were homless and stayed at a friends wile she was on hospice but now im going  back to r  camper in someones yard with no running water and it dont have gas for heat or water i do have a sm elic heater but its not going to b the same we had each other to get thew this now i have r 2 dogs and me ty for any kind word that may help

Comment by Mark Manning on January 2, 2013 at 8:06am

Comment by Elton Young on November 12, 2012 at 10:54pm

On 25 August, 2012, my partner of 36 years passed away with cancer.  He was 56, 8 years younger than me.

 

On Easter Sunday of this year, we received the diagnosis that he had cancer and was already in stage 4. Shane was a registered nurse for 30 years, so both of us knew that this was very serious but inspite of that had hope that treatment would give us a bit more time.

 

The next 4 1/2 months were very busy with medical appoinments, radiation sessions and chemo, but his condition continued to deteriorate.  On 11 August, 2012 he was admitted to the hospital for pain management.

 

I was with him when he passed on at 5:30 am on 25 August.  I had been spending the nights with him.  However I was asleep at the time when he died and so wished that I had been awake for him.

 

Although it's been 2 1/2 months since he died, I still feel overwhelmed by the journey. 

 

 

Comment by Richard Straughn on August 10, 2012 at 8:23pm

Thank you Christopher. Well said.  My partner and I were married in Palm Springs prior to Prop 8.  I'm very happy for you.

Comment by Christopher Ruggles on August 10, 2012 at 8:13pm

Hi everyone.  It's been a while since I wrote an update, and I see we have some new members as well.  So I thought I would let everyone know what was going on with me.

Due to a strange twist of fate, I am back in Palm Springs, CA.  This was the only place that Barry and I truly felt was "home".  I expected to have some pretty major problems coming back.  As I crested the mountain and saw the valley laid out before me, all I could do was cry with happiness.  Barry, who is still with me, albeit not physically, made it quite clear that he as well, was happy to be back.  I'm VERY happy here and have actually been offered a new job, out of the blue.

I know some members have been feeling let down by the lack of activity.  It seems to come in spurts.  Please remember, we're all in the trenches of our grief and some times it's not as easy as we would like, to reach out to another who is hurting.  We'll try when we're able to pull ourselves out of our grief for a bit, and that's all we can promise.

I have talked, at length, about how our grief carries extra baggage.  From disapproving families, to the legal issues we face, etc.  These things make our grief even more difficult to bear.  When we, as GLBT people, take that first step onto the path of grief, we need someone to stand with us who understands the extra baggage.  I'm sure that is why this forum was started.  Personally, I do not check this forum as regularly as I probably should.  For that I apologize.  However, please know that I am available via email more often than not.  And to be honest, that is probably the best way to pull me out of myself so that I can help someone else who needs an ear.  topher dot ruggles@gmail dot com

Know that you are all loved and there are people who care very much for you.  Know that your loved one, though not physically with you, is still by your side ready to help you when you need it.

Comment by Richard Straughn on June 13, 2012 at 4:49pm

Not much help here.  I'm moving on to something else.  Thanks to those who have discussed and shared.

Comment by Brian Taylor on April 4, 2012 at 10:01pm

I lost my best friend and husband of 14 years, Eric, suddenly, only one week ago today. The last week has been filled with tears, pain and sadness like I have never known before. He died in our home while I desperately tried to resuscitate him. I have not been able to sleep as I relive the trauma when I close my eyes. I feel hopeless and lost.

Comment by Nancy Kennedy on April 2, 2012 at 9:08pm

I lost my partner of 28.5 years on March 3rd. She had aortic dissection, not an uncommon condition for black women, who are lean & athletic. We lived life "one day at a time," as I just retired & she was counting down until we could retire to our recently purchased house near the beach. Although some days are terribly hard, her spirit pervades me and assists me in dealing with my elderly parents who both have types of dementia and live in a well-run Seniors' facility that still necessitates familial involvement. So, "one day at a time" becomes "one second at a time." The outpouring of love for her transcended so many cultural groups which was a testament that MLK's dream can be achieved "even if the stage is but the merging of all life's contradictions!

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