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Grandparent Loss

This group is for those coping with the loss of a beloved grandparent or great-grandparent.

Members: 78
Latest Activity: May 1

Discussion Forum

Granddad 6/21/12

Started by Lindsay Pollard Jun 27, 2012. 0 Replies

Grammy Our Angel

Started by Veronica Diaz May 22, 2012. 0 Replies

Grandfather

Started by Magaly Sylvie Karine Van der Kel Dec 16, 2010. 0 Replies

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Comment by Cheramy on November 4, 2013 at 12:06pm

@JEANNE

Thank you Jeanne for your kind words. I am getting better day by day, and definitely getting a little stronger as time passes. It is going to take a little bit to truly get out of the "funk" per se, but getting stronger nonetheless. ;) Again, thank you for your reply, and I hope all is well with you.

Comment by jeanne on October 31, 2013 at 3:03pm

@ Melanie Wardlow

What you were doing is normal.  Each person & family develops a way of coping (and hopefully the personal coping meshes with the family's coping method!)  What works for many in my family is to share stories and memories.  It is bittersweet sometimes - other times it's hilarious - but it is therapeutic to just talk it out - we all know we miss our grandparents and mother immensely.  Some people pray, or write journals, or even buy bikes for the Christmas charity drives, just as their loved ones did each year.  When you find something that works for you, keep doing it!  Thrive from it!  The most said bit of advice that I got in the midst of our mom's death was "it never gets better, but you cry less."  I agree with this now, but at the time I was in the thick of it, I doubted it would be the same for me - they didn't know the depths of my heart - but I didn't think about the depths of their hearts, either. Hang in there Mel.  Prayers for you and all on this wall. 

Comment by jeanne on October 31, 2013 at 2:19pm

@ Kate Adams

I am sorry it has been so long since I've posted since most do not post in support.  The process of grieving takes it's own time and each person is different.  Guilt is part of it - but don't take it too seriously.  Guilt creeps in and makes you think unreasonable things that you cannot change anyway.   It may have a life lesson with it - but don't beat yourself up. 

Myself and my five siblings counted ourselves fortunate to have our grandparents, too.  We had mulitple losses within 3 years we lost 5 loved ones.  We can attest to you that grief can be very tough to handle with such a load to bear.  Just know that it is bearable and you will get through it - although you will not be the same person you were - you will be better for yourself and the legacy of your mom and grandfather. 

Comment by jeanne on October 31, 2013 at 2:02pm

@ Cheramy 

I am glad you had a stable person throughout an unstable childhood.  When you think of your Grandmother, just know that she is at peace and she wanted you to be happy and have a full life.  You must grieve - go through the process and the motions, as this has just happened recently, but know that you will not feel this way forever.  Your mind finds ways to deal with the emotions.  This is just my suggestion...how I cope with my loss...

Love her by honoring her in your life.  I know it doesn't seem easy, but the more I honor my mother and grandparents in my life, the more I listen to the advice I didn't think I needed when they were here, the more I strive to be the woman they wanted me to be, the easier I seem to come to the acceptance of my loss and the realization that I keep them close in my heart and memories.  Life is not easier, per se, but it has a purpose that others do not know about.  It keeps me happier.  It makes me love more.  It makes me feel more human and less like an emotional ball of stress and emotion. 

Comment by Cheramy on October 29, 2013 at 12:39pm

Saturday evening, I lost my Grandmother. She was 84. When I was a child, I was pulled back and forth between my mother, and the guy that I thought was my real father. (REALLY long and crazy story!) They fought over me in court for a long time, and I was put through a lot at a very young age. (Between the ages of 4 to about 7) Whenever my mother had me, we spent a lot of time with my Grandmother, and I would be with her when my mother was out working or going to court, or whatever else she was having to do. So she and I were together a lot. My mother ended up marrying my step father who was in the Army, and they were getting stationed in Italy. Well, for good reason my mother didn't want to leave me with the guy I thought was my real father so she kidnapped me and took me to Italy. Well, when the court ordered time arrived and I was supposed to be dropped off at his house, he called the police. The FBI ended up getting involved, and my mom was on wanted posters nationally and on national news as wanted by the FBI, and I was put on milk cartons nationally as missing. When we came back to the States, I was immediately taken to a foster home, and my mother was arrested and taken into custody. My Grandmother ended up with me for a while until my mother was able to have me. Sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to tell the short story of my life, and the reason I was so close with my Grandma. I miss her so much. We got to say our goodbyes, but I never really got the chance to see her, hold her, and let her know how much she meant to me and how much she helped me get through the bulls@$t that was my childhood. Again, I am sorry for writing a novel here......I hope it wasn't too much. I just don't know just how to grieve right now. :(

Comment by Kate Adams on July 22, 2013 at 10:40am

I'm not sure if this group is still active, but I'll give it a shot anyhow.  I lost my maternal grandfather June 19th, 2013.  Up to that point, I was the 32 year old who could boast I had all my grandparents alive to visit with.  Three weeks later, I lost my mom unexpectedly, (July 10th).  I found I was just beginning to grieve for my grandfather, who was the rock of our family. It's so unimaginable to me that now my mom is gone, who was the life of our family.  I almost feel guilt about grieving for my grandfather, when I'm in such pain over the loss of my mother.  I love them both so much and don't even know how to grieve for him, since I'm so overwhelmed by my mom's sudden passing.  I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post, but any words, or even someone to listen, is wonderful enough.  Much love

Comment by Melanie Wardlow on February 14, 2013 at 5:04pm

I need ideas on how to get over the hurdles I will face missing my grammy.  I would love for the members to post here.  It still feels raw, and sometimes I cry a lot and sometimes I just think abut her and remember the times we all enjoyed with her.

Mel

Comment by jeanne on December 16, 2012 at 1:49pm

TammyDHU,
I am sorry for your loss.  I am so glad you loved her so much! Because she lives on in your heart and through your example, she will be remembered as long as you pass down the memories and teachings that she passed down to you. 

Comment by TammyDHU on December 15, 2012 at 3:21pm

Gramma. My poor old, dearest Gramma Alice...such a strong woman, never-failing willpower to get a ton of things done in a day's time, a faithful believer in God, a teacher, mother of five children, she ruled her household with bravery from a young child until she was old.  Thoughts of her come back to me often during the day.  She taught me so much in life:  how to stay strong and committed to my ventures, how to go on even in the face of bad times.  She even outsmarted the esophagal cancer and Alzheimers she was suffering from for a length of time.  She had love in her heart for all people, working endlessly to do things for even people she did not know.  The horror of her summertime death will always be a shadow for me on everything I do, but the knowledge that she is finally now where she wanted to be, and where she belongs.  She is with her dear husband, Grandpa Clarence, and I feel she lovingly looks down at me while I stagger on in my own journey to become a wise, loving person.  God speed, little Gramma!!!  I loved her terribly...

-T.

Comment by jeanne on November 28, 2012 at 12:05am

My grandfather would have been 82 this past weekend and I was thinking about him...I wish we would have made up earlier in life.  I could never get too close to him after our rough relationship in the past - about 13 years ago he was party to some occurrences that put me apart from and distrustful of him.  We were distant, and a about 6 years ago I could have a decent conversation with him...a year before he died he actually told me he loved me...he died 2 years ago on his birthday after a long string of ailments and illnesses with much suffering...I helped care for him.  I miss him and wish we could have been close long before he was sick...  I have no solid regrets, but I often wonder what it would have been like to be close with this grandfather.  My other grandfather is still living and lives far away and we have always been close, even though we are distant.  I thank God we were at peace several years before his passing.  I thank God often for that. 

 

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