Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
For those who have lost their best and dearest friend.
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Started by T Dominic Smith. Last reply by Mapisha Cruise Jul 23, 2012.
Started by Kristi with a "K". Last reply by Kristi with a "K" Mar 15, 2010.
I lost my best friend on 11.11.12. A day I will never forget. I berate myself that I never got to say goodbye. I know I will never have another friend like her. Our bond was so special and so in tune with each other. And I think I have lost a part of my soul that I'll never get back.
I lost one of my best friends on September 16th, 2012. It was my roommates birthday so I was out with him until after midnight on the 17th when I received a facebook message from my brother telling me that something really bad happened and it involved my friend, Jason. For as long as I knew Jason, he had been suicidal. He never really talked to me about it in person, but he would text me or IM me (back when AIM was popular) and tell me that he was going to do it. So for a while I worried that one day he really would kill himself, so when my brother said it had to do with him, I thought that he was going to say it was suicide. Instead, it turned out that he went swimming in his back yard in the early hours on the 16th and somehow drowned. It hurts me so much because one of my biggest fears is drowning (ever since I saw Titanic when they close off all the doors to stop the water from rising-I just can't go on a boat because of that) and to hear that he died like that-frankly, scared the shit out of me. I hadn't talked to him in months because I'd been away at college, so I feel guilty for that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm home for winter break and his family has invited me and my friends over numerous times now because they miss having us over, but it's just so hard for me to stand in the place where he stood and sit on chairs that he once sat in. I know everyone is still grieving, but I've never gone through losing someone I was this close to. When we first met, he just showed up at my house with my friend Nick and we all hit it off! He was HILARIOUS and he had the funniest laugh! He and I used to have contests to see who could make the other person feel more awkward, it was great! He and I are also exactly a year apart, we were both born on May 10th, but I was born in '92 and he in '91. It's going to be so weird on my birthday without him, because we made plans to go to the bars together. I just don't know what to do, I know I ramble a lot and I'm sorry if I keep getting a little off topic, but I feel like I can't go to any of my friends who knew him because I worry that they'll think I'm stupid to still be this upset. Everything reminds me of him and I cry almost every night. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but I feel like I need a counselor or something, does anyone have any helpful advice for me? :(
I lost my best friend in a car accident we were in together. He was the driver i was the passenger. It was June 14, 2006. I recently met him from a friend months prior to the accident. We were the same ppl and became best friends instantly. Now that hes gone i feel an empty spot in my life. I miss him every single day and wonder what life would be like with him here. Its been years now and friends come and go and the people that were my support then are no longer there and the new ppl in my life just don't know or dont understand me and how things were back before this happened. ...We stole the car together...and i feel like its my fault no matter what since hes gone and im here. Also, this last year my girl best friend got into a drunk accident and is now paralyzed...lifes so tough.
I just found this group and already feel comforted. It's coming up on 3 yrs since I lost my best friend, Sandra, and I still feel such an enormous hole in my heart and absence in my life. Life without your best friend is lonely - how does one go about finding a new best friend? I have other loved ones in my life - husband, children, new granddaughter, parents, siblings, cousins, uncles - but none of them are my "go to person" like Sandra was. I'm reading a book/memoir entitled "Let's Take the Long Way Home" and just came across a line that captured the beauty of our friendship: "The dailiness of our alliance was both muted and essential: We were the lattice that made room for the rose".
It's been a trying year to say the least, I lost my husband April 30, 2011, my sister/bff Jan 2012, and an amazing step mom Mar 24, 2012...All 3 unexpected and recovering from all of this has been difficult to say the least...We are, as a family battling a rare form of cancer that has invaded my sister Sharon. She had a mullerian tumor removed, stage 3/4, completed chemo and radiation a few months ago and her newest ct scan, post chemo/radiation has found 3 large lymph nodes in the back of the abdomen, near the spine... Please keep us all in your prayers on this journey..Sharon is 57 years young, has 4 children, 8 grandchildren, and an amazing husband of 39 years..Dec 6th will be our telling day as this is when the doctors will notify her if this is indeed cancer that has spread.
Patricia- I read your post and I just want to say thank you for expressing your story to us all. I know it was extremely hard to do. I can only imagine hard it was for you to lose your best friend for over 50 years. Wow! That is amazing. :) I've realized of how much a GREAT friend you are because you did what your friend wanted and you made sure that you allowed her father to be apart of it. It reminded me of when my friend passed. She did not want to live on the machine because she was in so much pain. I could see it in her eyes and even though her two girls, husband, and family did not want to see her go we knew that we did not want to see her suffer anymore. I remember singing her favorite song the night before she passed, and to hear it at the funeral I broke down in tears. Her husband found me after the funeral and told me, "She wanted to thank me for the encouragement through that song, and she wanted to make sure that it was played at the funeral." All I could do was cry. :( I wanted to share the words with you because It brings me so much comfort even to this day. I hope you like it. :)
"Can you see with your mind's eye, People dwelling together? Sorrow has passed. Peace at last! Life without tears or pain.
Sing out with joy of heart! You too can have a part. Live for the day when you'll say, "Life without end, at last!"
In those days old will grow young, Flesh revived as in childhood. Troubles are gone, from now on, No need to weep or fear.
Paradise all will enjoy As we sing of God's glory. Long as we live, we will give To God, our Maker, thanks.
PART 2: You see, we met when we were 3 years old and that was the beginning of a very unique and special 52 year friendship. I am so proud to say that I had a friend for over 50 years although I thought for sure we would grow old together, sit on porches and swing grandbabies and that is not to happen now...We were each others secret keepers our entire life and I can say without a doubt, there will never be another Terri in my life because to have this kind of trust takes years to build and build we did..Our granddaughters both asked to visit her on the day we had the vent removed and we got special permission from the hospital administrators to do just this..Well the 8 year old changed her mind at the last minute (probably a very smart decision for an 8 year old) but the 15 year old asked to have time alone with her which we respected and allowed..She has never spoken much about her conversation with her Grandma Terri other than to tell us she asked if she could pray over her to which Grandma Terri allowed...During prayer Grandma Terri cried, this was only the 3rd time she cried during her entire ordeal, and it's a blessed memory that our granddaughter will carry with her forever... I don't know how to move on from here other than to tell you, I will continue all our holidays in her honor and spend them just as if she were still here, I am going to get a tattoo in her memory that will circle my entire wrist and it will say "secretkeepers2012) but aside from that, moving on is very difficult so for all those out there who have lost their best friend, my heart aches for you and I will keep you all in my prayers... Patricia
PART 1: I lost my very dearest and best friend on January 21, 2012. I was responsible for making health care decisions for her and although her illness was sudden, it was traumatic. She began feeling ill on New Years Eve and although she sounded okay, she was sicker than even she realized..2 days later, an ambulance was called and she was immediately placed in ICU for "pneumonia". After a lengthy conversation, I finally talked her into letting them intubate her, knowing how much she would hate it but reminding her that she is young and she has "pnemonia" so it would probably only be for a few days, long enough to let her body & lungs heals..Well lo & behold, that wasn't to be as she became sicker and sicker and sicker...Scans, MRI'S, Xrays, labs had become routine by day 5 trying to figure out why she was not getting over this "pneumonia"..By Day 10, she had a necrotic lung (the lung actually died), and nothing was being found in labs, xrays, etc, except for the pneumonia and the by now septic shock..Watching her struggle and hating to be tubed was a horrible thing but at 54 years old and healthy, I never gave up hope that she would just get turned around and come home..That was not to be and by day 14, we were sitting in meetings with the doctors on what the next step would be and of course Trach was mentioned many times..I knew once she had a trach, an acute care hospital would no longer be where she would be but rather she would be sent to a "vent farm" where care is sub standard vs an acute setting...I finally got the family together and we sat in the meeting and it was decided that she would get the trach..This decision was made on Jan 19th and the trach was scheduled for 11 A.M. on the 22nd..I arrived early on the morning of the 22nd and met the doctor there..He was drawing on the white erase board in her ICU room showing how they would be doing her trach a bit differently than most when all of a sudden, this loud banging began..We both, startled, turned to look and for the first time in 20 days, she was letting us know that she was aware and she began violently shaking her head no..I walked to the bed side and asked her if she knew who I was, to which she shook her head yes..I then asked the most difficult question of all, "do you want to be trached"? She again shook her head NO violently. The doctor said to her, Do you realize you ARE going to die if we don't do the trach to which she shook her head yes..It was at the point and time, I asked the doctors to not medicate her anymore and made her aware that I was going to call her Dad to the hospital and she had to tell him the same thing..She shook her head in a very sad way yes and a tear came down her face. I called her Dad and asked him to come immediately as the trach was scheduled for 45 minutes from that time and I did not want to make that decision on my own with having the blessing of her Father..He arrived, and we went through the entire scenario again with her. Her Dad said to her several times, "Hon you are going to die, do you realize that" to which she shook her head yes. So the trach was canceled, I went and made all the difficult phone calls to the people I knew in my heart needed to be there including my/our grandchildren, yes I shared my grandkids with her as she had no kids but called mine hers always, and a few other people...The doctors ordered comfort care and so it began. The slowly took her off the vent and at 6 P.M., she was extubated. Her o2 sats dropped to 50 within the hour and I insisted they keep her completely sedated although by this time she was probably brain damaged and not aware but for my own benefit and to know that she was not suffering, I insisted..Almost 8 hours later she took her last breath on Jan 21st, 2012 and I cannot ever express how this loss has, not only affected me, but my daughter and granddaughters too. Continued on 2nd page
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