Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
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I live close to my parents cematary, and after Mom died that was the only thing that could make me feel better, was going to her grave. I have not felt better going to there for Dads grave, they are side by side, it just makes me feel more sad to see his grave. Mom was sick for over a year so we knew what would happen to her, but Dad had an accident and it all happened so fast, I guess that is why I feel differently about that.
I ordered my parents' Christmas wreath yesterday ... a long distance delivery as I live in Florida and their grave is in New Hampshire. It kills me that I can't bring one there myself. Getting to the grave, which for me does bring comfort, has not been in the cards the last 2 years. I'm hoping to get there sometime in 2014. There are days I feel I miss them more & more ... Mom's gone 9 years, Pop 2 1/2. Living alone doesn't help ... I still cry buckets. The smallest trigger sets me off. I don't consider myself maladjusted - I push and keep busy which is when I find relief. But a person can't be busy 24/7. With Christmas coming - well, it doesn't help. I miss their voices, their laughter, their quirks, their compassion, their love. I don't talk about it to anyone - no one really wants to hear it. My faith gives me strength and comfort but it's still hard not to feel down. Till it's my time to close my eyes, I'll miss them no matter what. "As long as I live, You will live. As long as I live, You will be remembered. As long as I live, You will be loved." Remembering and loving always ... Mary Ann Darms, 5/15/14-9/18/04 ~~ Howard F. Darms, 1/26/21-6/29/11.
It is so so very very hard. Yes, God please bring healing to each one of us according to our individual needs.
It seems it is crucial to feel the feelings, and not be afraid of them. It is like one must face the storm with courage and brave through it to the other side. With faith that there is another side (there is.)
When I focus on living out my Dad's legacy, being the person he influenced me to be, the person he would be joyful and proud to see me be, then I feel better--hopeful. I feel a sense of purpose, and connection to him.
I was told, grieving is purposeful--but it is different for everyone. Grieve with intention to heal, give yourself the time and space to do so. Let it be. Seek out the support you need--no need to go it alone.
I remember the moment when I realized, we will all face the darkness of grief at some point in life, I had just never thought of that or experienced it until my Dad passed on. It is so wrenching--I hate that it is part of our existence.
Yet faith in Jesus Christ gives me hope even in the face of death and grief, that there is eternal life. I know not all share that belief--I am just speaking from my own place of peace.
I have talked to many people and they say you just think about it less often. My birthday is coming up very soon and I really just want to skip it because I will never get another birthday card from my Mom. Also since Mom died just after midnight on New Years Eve and all my memories of Christmas and Thanksgiving last year are of her in the hospital and then nursing home days before she died, I want to skip straight through to May of next year, maybe that would be a better time.
As time goes by it does get easier pam.
Thank you both for sharing you thoughts and comments, I appreciate them. As I am sure you know some days are worse than others, today was a little better, will keep you posted.
Pam, I pray that you will have comfort even as you grieve. What a great blow, to loose both parents in one year. I have also read that after the second parent, there is the "orphan" reality to deal with. Take care of yourself in every way possible.
Pam, Only their physical body left this world. Their essence, spirit of them went to another dimension. You WILL be reunited on a different plane of existance when your body dies. I think of it NOT as life after death, but life after life! It's all good, they're ok! My Mom passed in 2/10 at age 81. Less than 2 months later I lost my only child. Just turned 30 yr old daughter. Candace's Spirit came to me (I guess to say c ya, she always said that to me) I KNOW for a fact that the Spirit continues. My 4th year w/o out her starts 4/09. I can't get beyond this. I love her SOO much. She left me w/3 beautiful Granddsaughters!!! I miss her all day, everyday. I hope soon I won't feel the need to go to the "loss of a child" websight everyday. Lord please give Pam strength to endure this. I'm sorry for both of yout losses. I bet they're enjoying theirself and wish we could understand. I actually felt Candace's hands rubbing my arms up and down twice, the day b/4 her funeral. Almost a year later she poked me on my shoulder on Valentines Day. I asked a medium what this signified, she said I love you!
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