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Comment by Peggy Hill on December 28, 2011 at 7:23am

I'm going through the same thing Amy.  Seems like I was especially sad this Christmas.  I tried to only think good thoughts and dwell on the good memories but that hole in your heart is hard to ignore.  Mine has been gone two years in March.  It never gets easier.  It does help to know there are people who understand and share your grief.  Lean on your sister and your family.  Don't try to hide it from them, they may be having the same feelings and hiding it from you.  Good luck Amy.

Comment by Amy Sanschargrin on December 28, 2011 at 2:38am

I thought by now I would be okay during the holidays. Christmas was my favorite time of the year, but that was before mom died. She passed away in April of 2008 and I guess I've never been the same. I now go through the motions for Christmas because I have kids that depend on me, but I find myself locked in the bathroom and crying on Christmas Day. I always get my composure, wash my face, smile and go out and be playful mommy again. I clearly can never fool my husband though. He's always at the door asking "Are you okay?" And always gives my hand a squeez when I finally come out and join my family again.

Even at 34, the age I was when mom died, I felt like a child when I heard the words out of my sister's mouth "Mommy died." I couldn't wrap my head around that. How on earth could she be gone? Who was I going to call when I needed advice about my teenage daughter? Who was I going to call to brag about my husband's law school achievements? And who would I give a Mother's Day card to? What would I do on her birthday? And how could she possibly be gone when I had just spoke to her the night before. I knew those two words "Mommy died" would change my life forever.

The truth be told, mom would tell me "Amy, you have to continue to live. It was my time to go, not yours. Raise your family, love your husband, enjoy your life. I'm really happy here in heaven." Yes, I can almost hear those words from mom. For the most part, life has got a little easier since I received that terrible news back in 2008. Mom is still the first person I think of when I wake-up, and the last person I think of when I fall asleep. She's on my mind, but I function now and try to find happiness in life, because I really am surrounded by it. But when it comes to holidays, mostly Thanksgiving and Christmas, mom's birthday, the anniversary of her passing, and today, December 28th, my parent's anniversary, I have a hard time.... and I think I always will.

I love and miss you, mom. Today you would have been married to dad for 52 years. You were all of 14 years old when you married dad, and he was all of 17. You two raised five kids together, and we raised (or are raising)18 between the five of us. Your three oldest kids are now grandparents, which I like to point out every chance I get! (You would laugh at that!) I wish you were here with us... And dad is fine, really. He misses you and talks about seeing "His Suzy" again someday, so he knows he'll be with you when his time comes to leave this earth, we all do. You rest, Mommy, and sleep peacefully with the angels.

Comment by Colleen on December 25, 2011 at 11:35pm

Missing you so very much Dad this 1st Christmas without you.

Love you Colleen

Comment by Terri L Palmer-Strodtman on December 15, 2011 at 6:29pm

 Hello,Has anyone had a time since their parent has passed where they will " hear " them ?? Last night when I was sleeping and Im sure it was an audio dream but I heard my Mom call my name.....I was awake but asleep...kinof in an in between state....I woke up feeling a little rattled...like she was trying to contact me thru my subconscious . Im sure this sounds bizarre but maybe it happened because even tho I seem fine im dealing with it on the inside....I still dont feel like Im grieving normally, I dont talk about my Mom all of the time or cry....I just feel like Ive moved on....I feel so guilty for this too....and when the nursing home called me after my Mom passed away my first words were " Thank God " it had been a roller coaster for a week with hospice saying " Hours to Days " or " Minutes to hours " up and down, up and down ! My sister and I had been to see my Mom for almost an entire month daily....If I wasnt there she was...and our Mom went a good 3 weeks with no food or water...most people that we have mentioned this to have said it is pretty amazing....she kept hanging on....so long....Hospice said most people live for a week with no food or water.....idk....I just wish I could let it out.....

Comment by Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker on December 11, 2011 at 9:36pm

sorry , Jennifer- I adding mm's instead- oops:)

Comment by Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker on December 11, 2011 at 9:35pm

great words Cindy and Jemmifer:)  I just feel like I am going thru the motions with the holidays - kinds in a blur/whirlwind- even thou I know it's going to hit me hard off and on as it did her Birthday , Mothers' Day and Christmas and so on and so on...."the firsts" will pass I know...and I am enduring and gaining strength- but MISS them oh' so much....support huge hugs to everyone .....

Comment by Jennifer C. on December 11, 2011 at 3:52pm

I came across the following verse during this first Christmas season without my dad. Wanted to pass on, hoping that some of you also find some comfort in it ...

 

"My First Christmas in Heaven"

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below, with

tiny lights like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear, for I am

spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, but the

sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have not words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, for it is

beyond description to hear angel sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart, but

I am not far away. We really are not apart.

So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear, and be

glad I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.

I send you each a memory of my undying love.

After all "Love" is the gift more precious than pure gold. It was

always most important in the stories that Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do, for I

can't count the blessings of love he has for you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear. Remember, I

am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Comment by Cindy Scull on December 11, 2011 at 7:29am

How are you blessed? Sometimes when we've experienced a loss it is helpful to remember the good in our lives. During the Holidays the blues can snap u right up!
Always remember the unconditional Love from your family and dwell on all the wonderful moments at Christmas and Holiday times. Share those moments with the ones that are here on Earth...Pass on the Love and Happiness...

Comment by Peggy Hill on December 5, 2011 at 10:50pm

I don't think you ever get rid of that empty feeling.  My dad died 21 years ago and my mom last year but I miss them so much especially on holidays but think of them every day.  I know how awful it's been and I have two sisters.  I worry now because my son only has me and I hate to ever leave him alone.  He's an adult but we're really close and he won't have anyone that feels the grief as he will.  You are all in my hearts and in my prayers this holiday season.  Try to remember all the good times and memories you had with your loved ones.

Comment by Judy Pennell on December 5, 2011 at 7:45pm

I relate so much to Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker's comments.  I have that odd and lonely feeling because I am an only child who lost dad about 20 years ago but mom passed just 13 months ago.  I don't have any children, either.  Mom never got to be a grandmother.

It seems like more things to feel guilty about pop into my head more and more. 

I

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