Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by sewemily on January 22, 2011 at 11:42am

Hi Dan.  I've read your note.  I am so sorry for your loss.  It is hard comprehending the loss.  I hope you don't condemn yourself for isolating.  It is a very real protection for you when you are so vulnerable.  I can identify with you so much.  My sister was just murdered and I had to go into isolation also.  I found that it has protected me.  It is so hard for us to comprehend the loss and changes that are to come.  Nothing will be the same anymore.  I am staying close to a higher power.  I can't do it on myself.  Keep in contact with us.  We can hear your pain.  And we all care. 

Permalink Reply by sewemily on January 22, 2011 at 11:42am

Hi Dan.  I've read your note.  I am so sorry for your loss.  It is hard comprehending the loss.  I hope you don't condemn yourself for isolating.  It is a very real protection for you when you are so vulnerable.  I can identify with you so much.  My sister was just murdered and I had to go into isolation also.  I found that it has protected me.  It is so hard for us to comprehend the loss and changes that are to come.  Nothing will be the same anymore.  I am staying close to a higher power.  I can't do it on myself.  Keep in contact with us.  We can hear your pain.  And we all care. 

Permalink Reply by ALLISON on January 24, 2011 at 4:43pm

Dear Don,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think everyone on this site knows exactly how you are feeling. Everyone tries to tell you to remember the good times. That's easy for people who haven't been in our position. They are very lucky. My sister died of breast cancer on August 20, 2010. She sounds a lot like your brother. You would have never known she was sick. The last 3 weeks of her life were hard. She deteriorated really fast. Her last words to me were "Ali, am I going to die today?" My, reply was "I don't think so do you feel like you're going to die tonight?" She replied "No". She died the next morning. I go over it again and again. I like to think that God will help us. I don't know when but hopefully soon. Keep reading all the different stories on this site. It has helped me a lot. It helps to know that every emotion we feel is ok. I will pray for you.

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on January 24, 2011 at 4:53pm

Wow, That Had to been hard, When my brother told me he woke up the night before and felt like there was Not one thing wrong with him, ait scared him so bad, He said he thought that he was getting ready to go then, Who new that he was about right . Im sorry for your loss, We had my dads 70th birthday yesterday And i couldnt stop crying even tho it was a good day being a birthday,It was So different, Missing him has takin over my life.

ALLISON said:

Dear Don,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think everyone on this site knows exactly how you are feeling. Everyone tries to tell you to remember the good times. That's easy for people who haven't been in our position. They are very lucky. My sister died of breast cancer on August 20, 2010. She sounds a lot like your brother. You would have never known she was sick. The last 3 weeks of her life were hard. She deteriorated really fast. Her last words to me were "Ali, am I going to die today?" My, reply was "I don't think so do you feel like you're going to die tonight?" She replied "No". She died the next morning. I go over it again and again. I like to think that God will help us. I don't know when but hopefully soon. Keep reading all the different stories on this site. It has helped me a lot. It helps to know that every emotion we feel is ok. I will pray for you.

Permalink Reply by Maggie Bissell on January 25, 2011 at 6:15pm

hi don,

 

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom and I went thru the same thing with my sister Robin. She was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 7. As she got older, she didn't take very good care of herself and eventually her body just started to fail. She had lost and eye and had a stroke and was on kidney dialysis.

 

The sicker she got the closer we became. She lived with me and my husband and I took her to dialysis and she stayed with my mom as long as possible. She was always a trooper, you would ask her how she felt and she would never say she felt terrible.

 

Finally, she became so ill and was hospitalized for several days and I called and talked to her and she told me she felt like crap. A few hours later, they called and it was time. Robin had told me she was so tired, mom and I had told her if she was ready to go then that was fine. My mom and I had to tell them to stop trying to recusitate her. It was so sad. I can still remember them trying and me telling them to quit.

 

There is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. It will hurt for a long time, it does get easier but I think about my sister everyday. Robin would have been 36 on Feb 24th. She passed in April of 2003.

 

I try to remember all the good times. It is hard to watch someone dying slowly, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me.

 

I send you and your family all my thoughts and prayers, if you need to talk, please feel free to contact me.

 

Maggie

Permalink Reply by Sharon P on January 25, 2011 at 7:30pm

Dan my heartfelt condolences on your loss

 

Sharon

Permalink Reply by Christine J on January 25, 2011 at 9:16pm

I'm so sorry Don for the loss of your brother Kenny.  I also had to remove my brother from life support.  It was just the two of us and I looked in his eyes and held his hand while he took his last breaths.  Take comfort in knowing that your brother knew you loved him.  Of course you hurt and you will hurt.  Everyone tells me the pain lessens with time, that you will still miss him but it isn't the type of gut wrenching pain you feel now.  We all have our journey through grief when we lose someone we love.  I'm in the middle of mine now as you are.  There are people here who understand and to tell you your not alone and its okay to miss your brother.  I have to believe our brothers will always be with us, watching out for us and will be there when it's our time.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on February 26, 2011 at 12:34am

Well, This week i was told my brother in laws step father passed way, Here is what got me bad, The funeral was at the same place,And when i walked in they had the service in the same room with the same casket we rented for my brother,This was a very hard day but i did get through it,When things happen out of the blue that is also out of my hands,It really brings me back down and ive been more depressed this week than i ever have.They say it gets easyer as time goes by,Now im waiting on that to start,I miss my brother so much and as spring gets near i feel im going to have more feelings of missing him.We used to ride around in the country looking at old farm home,We was rased on a farm and thats where my brother Kenny wants to be,So this spring were going to take him there and spred his ashes out in the felds.So no matter what he will always be there.But! When it comes to do it am i or my mom & Sister going to be able to spred his ashes? Will we be able to let him go like that? I dont know if i can just leave him,It is his wishes and im going to have to do it for him. I love you my brother and i miss you So much.I cant wait to see you again some day,Soon im hoping God Bless you Kenny

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on February 26, 2011 at 12:44am

Thank you So very much for your kind words,Im sorry you are having the same pain from loseing your brother.I never in a millon yrs would have thought this would happen with my brother,I have so much more health prob,than he did or anyone in my family.I have even talked to them about my wants if my time came.I felt good in knowing ive talked about it , but when my brother got cancer , he was doing Great for the first 3yrs,Then the last month he Fell down hill.I will never forget the last second he was alive,That last breath,Oh my i feel so num everyday and i can be having a great day then BAM! i start crying and cant stop. Its not getting easyer its hitting me Harder when i think. Sorry for rambling..
Christine J said:

I'm so sorry Don for the loss of your brother Kenny.  I also had to remove my brother from life support.  It was just the two of us and I looked in his eyes and held his hand while he took his last breaths.  Take comfort in knowing that your brother knew you loved him.  Of course you hurt and you will hurt.  Everyone tells me the pain lessens with time, that you will still miss him but it isn't the type of gut wrenching pain you feel now.  We all have our journey through grief when we lose someone we love.  I'm in the middle of mine now as you are.  There are people here who understand and to tell you your not alone and its okay to miss your brother.  I have to believe our brothers will always be with us, watching out for us and will be there when it's our time.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Permalink Reply by Lisa W on February 26, 2011 at 6:12am

 

 

Dear Don,

 

Im sorry things have been tough for you. I feel like my grief goes in waves sometimes I will  be floating  through life then I will hit a rough patch  and a wave will hit and Im going under again with sadness.

You will  get through this  patch and you will be floating  soon.

It is hard dealing with pain and loss but we are all in this together and we can support one another here.

Hang in there  friend   your not alone...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don DeVault said:

Well, This week i was told my brother in laws step father passed way, Here is what got me bad, The funeral was at the same place,And when i walked in they had the service in the same room with the same casket we rented for my brother,This was a very hard day but i did get through it,When things happen out of the blue that is also out of my hands,It really brings me back down and ive been more depressed this week than i ever have.They say it gets easyer as time goes by,Now im waiting on that to start,I miss my brother so much and as spring gets near i feel im going to have more feelings of missing him.We used to ride around in the country looking at old farm home,We was rased on a farm and thats where my brother Kenny wants to be,So this spring were going to take him there and spred his ashes out in the felds.So no matter what he will always be there.But! When it comes to do it am i or my mom & Sister going to be able to spred his ashes? Will we be able to let him go like that? I dont know if i can just leave him,It is his wishes and im going to have to do it for him. I love you my brother and i miss you So much.I cant wait to see you again some day,Soon im hoping God Bless you Kenny

Permalink Reply by Maggie Bissell on March 9, 2011 at 3:38pm

When my sister was sick, the very last night I called her at the hosp (I usually went everyday) and she said she felt like crap but I didnt need to come and see her that night since I had a bunch of laundry and stuff.  In all the years my sister went thru her diabetes/kidney dialysis she always would say she felt alright. There was always someone in worse shape.

So I stayed home, about 3 hours later we got the call that everyone should come to the hospital. I was lucky that I did get to talk to her one last time and tell her I loved her but I felt guilty for a long time because I went to see her every single day and the one day I didn't, she passes.

 

She also told my mom and I about a week prior that she was just so tired of being sick and we told her that was alright, if she was ready to go then go. We would miss her but it is so hard to watch someone dying and someone dying for a long time.

 

I think your brother was showing how much he loved you by taking you in his confidence and you should feel good that he wanted to talk to you about those things.

 

It is just so darn hard not to feel guilty, so many good people die and all these bad people live on.

 

blesss you, maggie

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on March 9, 2011 at 6:07pm

Thank you Maggie, I can see that your sister was so very lucky to have had you as well. I know the day Kenny passed, He new,I really think he new that he was in the hospital for the last time. You know, Times i wish he was awake to tell him everything we wanted to tell him before he passed,Then my sister and i feel it was for the best the way it was with him just being out of it, Cause his biggest fear was suffering, And the Dr,s said he will not know Anything. But i guess there will alway be that what if thing, Where we all wish there was Something we could have said or done. But i know Everyone that has lost,or even someone that is gone to lose someone.Its life,Its what everyone goes through im sure. I do think about him everyday and wonder what hes doing, I miss him so much i shake my head everytime i think of him cause i still cant beleave he is gone.I hope your hard days are getting better for you. I know people say to me all the time some things i just wish they would keep to theyer self. A lot of people Think they know how it feels but they dont and time they should know when and when not to say things.But it happens and i know they will keep happening,Its ok, Im sorry for rambling on,I get that way every now and again. And the Guilt you talked about,You are very right,It is so hard not to feel it,It again is goning to happen.I have more guilt than i have told anyone about,It just rolls in on me. But we cant keep letting it hurt,Thats one thing i tell me sister and Mom,dad. They still have a lot of guilt over little things, Its just a way to cope im sure. Like you said, So many good people die, But thats just it. God wants Good people. And your sister & My brother Are Great people. Thank you Maggie for letting me vent and your great words. I hope things do get better for you,and your hurt soon heils. If you ever need to bend my ear,Im here. Take care. 

Thank you again..

God Bless.

Donny D 

 

 Maggie Bissell said:

When my sister was sick, the very last night I called her at the hosp (I usually went everyday) and she said she felt like crap but I didnt need to come and see her that night since I had a bunch of laundry and stuff.  In all the years my sister went thru her diabetes/kidney dialysis she always would say she felt alright. There was always someone in worse shape.

So I stayed home, about 3 hours later we got the call that everyone should come to the hospital. I was lucky that I did get to talk to her one last time and tell her I loved her but I felt guilty for a long time because I went to see her every single day and the one day I didn't, she passes.

 

She also told my mom and I about a week prior that she was just so tired of being sick and we told her that was alright, if she was ready to go then go. We would miss her but it is so hard to watch someone dying and someone dying for a long time.

 

I think your brother was showing how much he loved you by taking you in his confidence and you should feel good that he wanted to talk to you about those things.

 

It is just so darn hard not to feel guilty, so many good people die and all these bad people live on.

 

blesss you, maggie

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