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Comment by Suzanne Sellier on April 17, 2012 at 11:50am

Hi, I'm new. I thought I might try and find someone who has shared the same experience as me: my dad committed suicide 3 years ago and my sister did the same 2 months ago. My family acts like nothing has happened, and has even excluded me because I'm sad, and they just want to "move on". So I'm grieving alone. Is there anyone in this forum who has gone through the same terrible experience? I could use some empathy...

Comment by Margo powell on April 17, 2012 at 2:39am

Hi Jennifer,
Sometimes the only thing you can do to get through these losses that are so devastating is put one foot in front of the other.
When a friend of mine lost her brother a few years ago, I remember thinking" I don't know if I could survive losing one of my brothers. Then it happened, my older brother, one of the best guys in the whole world, loved by everyone was diagnosed with cancer and died several months later. I've come to realize that we don't have a whole lot of control over what happens to us in our lives but we do have the ability to control how we react. Jesus came to bear our sorrow and pain. He truly will carry you when you feel you can't go on. Ask him for the peace that you so desperately seek. he will lighten you burden and help you endure the difficult road ahead. I don't know what I would have done had He not sustained me through great trials and losses the last 3 years. We are all here to help support one another.
I'll keep praying that you will find the strength to endure, the first year is the hardest. God Bless You!

Comment by Jennifer on April 16, 2012 at 11:02pm

thanks to the people who shared their story.  I still have another younger brother and I worry for him as well.  My perception is he is doing this all alone and has much pain.  He is all i have left and we too are close so. Just sitting here starring at the urn and thinking how could this really be?  Life is just so cruel and the world seems so dark sometimes.  My faith has really been questioned over the past 67 days.  Im trying to ground myself, but also allow myself the time to accept and adjust.  I know i have a very long road (if ever) until i can start to accept he is not coming back.  I always felt okay about death and being spirtual I didnt see why not.  Now i am wondering about the meaning of life all over again.  Support is key for me right now. I have 2 grief counsellors and , but they both agree only time can really help me.  I was thinking i would write a letter to my brother and send it up in the sky. Does anyone have any ideas on letting go later?

 

thanks. bleesings

Comment by klynn on April 16, 2012 at 7:38pm

Sorry for your loss Jennifer.  There is no right or wrong way- just whatever helps.  Lost two sisters in the last 3 years- the most recent in January of this year and her death was sudden and unexpected.  Had to wait for the cause also-it gave us the how (an obstructive bronchitis) but it will never tell us why she died so young- (only 45).  My other sister passed in 2009 at only age 48 after a 3 year cancer battle -so for her we knew it was coming but that still doesn't help to prepare for the feelings of loss. It comforts me to think that wherever they are-whatever they are doing now- they are not there missing us.  Or, what kind of an afterlife would that be?  The pictures I have of them as happy, healthy and enjoying their lives also give me comfort.  It reminds me that even though both had suffering in their lives, they also had a lot of joy. These things help me to cope. So, sharing -hope it helps.

Comment by Margo powell on April 15, 2012 at 11:36pm

Jennifer, My heart goes out to you! This life can be so difficult.
It often seems as though a domino effect occurs following evil behavior( your brother's molestation). The effect and consequences of ones perpetrating evil, destructive behavior, often brings about devastation in it's wake. When I hear such tragic stories, my thoughts always go back to Jesus Christ. He will make all things right at some point in time. He is also the source you can turn to for peace, hope, and healing. I shall pray that you find understanding and strength to go on. The enemy of our souls, Satan, tries to use EVERY difficult situation in our lives to destroy us. Stay strong your child needs you.
All trials if endured well will be for our greater understanding and goodBlessings!

Comment by Jennifer on April 15, 2012 at 11:05pm

I added my story under another comment so not sure where to post. My little brother passed away 66 days ago.  He was a very bad alcoholic and died suddenly in his bathroom . after 54 days there is no cause of death.  Probably another siezure.  Someone was always there if he had  seizuere and this time - no one was. My dad found him dead. I have been trying to help my brother for 16 years with his drinking.  he died 1 week after his 32 bday.  So young and its just too much to think of sometimes.  At age 5 he was molested by our neighbour fro 3years and he didnt tell us until he was 21 years old.  The pain and shame led himt o booze and it killed him.  I stuggle everyday to think i cant talk to him again.  We were so close and he was such a big part of my life its so hard to not have him in it to be here and the fact that im not dealing with his problems has also left a void.  I dont think you can get over death.  People dont understand the pain im in. the sadness- what it has done to me.  Ive been rocked by death many times. Ive never been so messed up from it before .  I am looking to see how other people are coping as I am back to work and raising a 6 year old and just trying to get through the days.  I have seen a medium. ( this helped restore m spirituality a bit).  i just need to see what ideas anyone has for moving on?? thank you

Comment by Jennifer on April 15, 2012 at 10:53pm

new here

Comment by Gwen Nesselle on April 13, 2012 at 3:56pm

I wrote this for my sister, change the she to "he", change the "name" the we to I---I know this is a little bit of what your feeling. Your journey is is unimaginable, all we can do is read and write to you. (((Amanda)))

We can shed tears that Eileen is gone, or we can smile because she has lived. We can close our eyes and pray that she'll come back, or we can open our eyes and see all the memories she's left us. Our hearts can be empty because we can't see her. We can turn our back on tomorrow and live in yesterday, or we can be happy tomorrow, because of all her yesterdays. We can remember only that she is gone, or we... can cherish her memory and let it live on. All we can do is what she would want: ----smile, open our eyes, love and go on...

Comment by Danielle kramer on April 13, 2012 at 12:40pm

Thank you for your words, this journey has been so hard and I am doing my best to be as happy as he would want me to be...it helps to hear from people who are going thru this

Comment by Christine J on April 13, 2012 at 7:45am

I'm so sorry for your loss Danielle. I wish I had words of wisdom for you that would make this unbearable journey easier for you. My older brother and only sibling passed away 5/21/10 and I still cry every day. I can say it's usually not the gut wrenching cry's of the past but crying because I just plain miss him. All I can say Danielle is that you will think of him every day and you will miss him every day for the rest of your life. You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you to live and you need to live it for the both of you. That truly is how you can best honor the memory of your brother. The pain of his loss will ease for you as you begin to remember more of your happy times with him than just his passing. This process doesn't take days or months, but years. Don't beat yourself up for the grief you feel. It's a testament to the connection you will always have to your brother. He truly does live on through you and the memories and stories you have of your life together.

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