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Comment by Margo powell on May 1, 2013 at 1:19am

Hi Lirit, I'm truly sorry to hear you are going through so much. The timing of your accident couldn't have been any worse since working out and running would have helped you deal with the grief and pain you are experiencing. I wish I could offer some magic solution. Please find healthy projects to get involved in. It is so easy to sink into depression NAND so difficult to recover. I had 4 years of hell myself dealing with close family members dying and the suicides of several friends. Other things happened that turned my life upside down (which I won't go into). Every moment was a struggle. I found it important to constantly tell myself that life is beautiful and I have many things to be grateful for. I hope you have a pet you love, mine were very helpful in bringing me through the grief and sadness. Buy yourself a simple watercolor paint set and start painting anything beautiful and colorful. With spring upon us, look at beautiful flowers and plants to paint. It will help put you in a zone that will stimulate the good endorphins in your brain.. Listen to beautiful music as you paint. That will inspire you to find the joy in living again. Paint pictures for your loved ones who have passed and talk to them about your feelings. It will be therapeutic :)
Please feel free to email me at margopowell@yahoo.com I'd love to try to help you through this difficult
Period. Keep your chin up and remember to pray. God cares, if it hadn't been for my faith I might have considered checking out myself. God Bless You!

Comment by Lirit on April 29, 2013 at 11:55pm

The past year has been hell. My grandfather passed in May 2012 very suddenly. In October, I (an avid runner and athlete) tore my ACL and had reconstructive surgery.

On December 23, 2013, my baby brother shot and killed himself (after a history of depression and a benign, but unremoveable brain tumor a year and a half before that required numerous operations and a painful shunt) while the rest of my family was visiting me several states away. He was only 25.

A month ago, my grandmother passed away. I think the grief was just too much for her. 

I can't function any more. I can't run away the pain as my knee is still healing. I am gaining weight and am pushing people away. I know I couldn't have stopped him from killing himself, but I feel so guilty that he died alone. I wish I had done more or been there for him. I wish I had called. I wish he was still here. 

I am sleep walking through life. I am young and was once vivacious and excited. Now, I am just an empty, guilty shell of a person. How do I make this stop?

Comment by Margo powell on April 28, 2013 at 1:20pm

Lorraine and Jean you are both going through more than any person should have to bear in one lifetime, let alone within a few years and months in Lorraine's case. Grief from loss is the most difficult of all emotions to deal with. When the losses are compounded it can sometimes appear to be too much to bear. We will never know the reasons some are called to carry these crosses in life. I pray for your healing and peace. May God grant you the strength to endure.
Remember life is eternal and this time on earth is temporary. Your loved ones live on. Hold on to the promise that we will all be together again, never to be separated after this life is over. God Bless you both. Much Love, Margo

Comment by Lorraine on April 28, 2013 at 10:29am

I have lost 5 of my siblings since the end of September.  I am the youngest of 12.  Three had passed away before this in 2006, 2008 and 2010.    There are only four of us left.  My sister Eileen passed away the end of Sept last year.   My brother George on Thanksgiving, my sister Marie four days before Christmas.  My sister Gerri was diagnosed with secondary stage four brain cancer in Oct and she passed away Feb 3rd. She had 7 tumors in her brain.   My brother Billy was was found deceased in his apt on April 22.  The last two were the closest to me in age, so I grew upwith them.  This is way too much.  I loved them all dearly and miss them so much.  Mybrother Billy was deaf.  I hadn't seen him in about 7 years and I regret I was not able to go see him before he passed away.  I am a positive person and I know they are all in a better place now.  It is just hard to wrap my head around the fact that they are gone.  5 deaths in 7 months is a lot to digest.  Except for the last two the rest were all older and had their share of health problems.  My sister Gerri was never sick until Oct.  She was three years older than me.  My brother Billy was two years older than me.  He had some ups and downs with health due to heart and diabetes.  I guess it all came to much.  I have had my share of health problems but I am doing good.  I can only hope I stay this way.  I have a lot of nieces and nephews and have been making it an effort in the last 5 years to keep in touch with all of them.  I try to keep my sisters and brothers spirits alive.  they will always have a place in my heart.  Some days it just is too much to bear though as I hear of another one of my siblings passing away.

 

Comment by Jean Kaspari on April 28, 2013 at 9:46am

I lost my sister two months ago on February 27, 2013.  She died suddenly, and we really don't know what she died from.  She was bipolar so had many ups and downs in her life.  I loved her dearly in spite of her getting very angry at me when I least expected her anger.  I always had to remind myself that her anger was part of her illness.  Before and even when she became sick with bipolar, we were very close and had such incredibly fun times together.  I miss her soooo much and want to call her but can't.  I have this huge hole in my heart that doesn't seem to go away.  My energy level is low which is hard for me because I'm used to having tons of energy.  I am not sleeping well and am just very sad.  I would love to go to a sibling loss support group in Denver but cannot find one.  Does anyone know of a support group ifor sibling loss n the Denver area?  How long will I feel this awful?  What simple steps can I take to start feeling better? 

 

I am from a family of four children.  My only brother died years ago from alcoholism, my older sister is in a nursing home and is no help to talk about our sister.  Even though she has been told about our younger sister, she doesn't respond so we don't know how much she understands.  I am the only one left who is functioning so I feel much like an orphan.  I need help to cope with the loss of my sister.

Any comments are much appreciated.

Thanks

Jean

 

 

 

Comment by Margo powell on April 12, 2013 at 6:54pm

Anna, I read your post and would like to ask permission to use your story in a suicide prevention program I am developing for middle schoolers and high school students. I live in Hawaii and have been deeply affected by suicides of close friends my self.
I can't say I know exactly how you feel but I have suffered greatly because of others choices to end their lives. am going to spend the rest of my life trying to stop the epidemic of suicide that is gripping our nation. I will only use first names or nicknames and the age of the loved one.
My hope is to give the perspective of those left behind. Hopefully, the kids hearing others stories will make the decision never to evn contemplate suicide as an option. If you agree, I would love to share a picture of Michael so the kids can see the story is of a real person that has left loved ones with a hole in their heart that can never be filled.
My email address is margopowell@yahoo.com. Thank you!

If anyone else on this site is willing to share their stories I would be ever so grateful!

Comment by Anna Dishaw on April 6, 2013 at 8:52pm

I have been avoiding anything that reminds me of my little brother lately. It hurts and I guess I kinda felt the if I ignored the fact that i'm in pain it would just go away. My other 3 siblings don't seem to be able to talk about it with me and my feelings have been very personal about it. Being that my family has very strong beliefs about death, no matter the cause I feel as if i'm the odd one out. I'm not angry with him for hos choice, like our other brother is, i'm just filled with so much pain that he is not here with us anymore. Being that I was ONLY sibling to not see him in resent months before. The others saw him the night before he died. We were in no way on bad terms, I just lived 600 miles away from everyone and was in a different stage of my life than the rest of my siblings. I often wonder if I had been there that last family dinner, if I would have been able to see how much he was hurting. I know that i'll never actually know, but the thought keeps crossing my mind. The last conversation that we had was on Facebook and that also haunts me....It has not been a year yet and i'm so fearful of June 22nd this year! He was in my eyes the brother that had it all together when the rest of us were struggling. How odd that seems now, when he was hurting more than any of us could see. I finally in some ways can admit that he is really "gone" No matter the pain it has caused I know that he never wanted us to be hurt, he just wanted to stop hurting inside...I can respect that, just not understand it really...I miss you Michael!!

Comment by Cynthia M Stone on March 27, 2013 at 11:45am

Tomorrow it be 1 month since my sister passed away. The hardest part for me , is to know she's not going to call me ever again we talked on the phone a lot since she lived in Hornell and I live in Rochester..
I get up every morning wanting to call her and I can't. I have lost both of my parents. Losing my sis has left me feeling like I have a hole in my heart.. Part of me is missing. When my dad was sick we became so close. I moved down to hornell to take care of him.
My sis was there to help and give me the support I needed.. To take care of him. I just miss her so much.
But I also know God speared her from the suffering she would of had to go through because of the type of cancer she had.

Comment by Rowe on March 27, 2013 at 9:50am

Have not been close wtih my sister since My Mom passed away. She also treated my kids very bad at the funeral. I Have forgiven her.. However we will never be close again. It is What it is. Don't know her motive and it hurts. But I have to go on and the way to do that is to forgive and forget.

 

Comment by Leigh on March 27, 2013 at 8:28am

Hello Sarah!  I am very sorry about the loss of your brother.  It had been very hard on your mom and yourself.  I am also so sorry to hear how his children are treating you.  You loved your brother very much and have suffered a great loss and their behavior is unfair.  It is a hard road and to have the added pain they are causing is not right for you.  I am very sorry.  You brother, your mother and you are in my thoughts.  

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