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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Dead brothers roomate!

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Moving forward

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Comment by Theresa Sweaney on April 2, 2012 at 2:38pm

Oh Carin!  What a joyous moment!  However, I think being woke up like that would have made me also tear into him for scaring me, Lol!!

That must have done your heart good to see such joy returning to your older son!  I'm so happy for you, and for him!

Comment by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on April 1, 2012 at 11:44am

Congratulations Carin,to you and your family.sounds like you have something to look forword to.blessing to all.Daphne

Comment by Donna Messerly on April 1, 2012 at 10:17am

So happy for you, Carin! Congratulations!

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on April 1, 2012 at 8:18am

My older son woke us up out of bed two nights ago crying and screaming in the phone. My heart just stopped.

He asked me if I was awake of course I said yes I am. He instructed me to wake my husband and put him on speaker phone. All a while still crying.

Well... Cries of JOY! He proposed to his girlfriend of 7 years and said I had to be the first to know that joy and happieness will be back in our lives.

I am so proud of my son and love them both dearly. Cody would have been so excited and happy for them both. He knew his girlfriend like a sister.

 

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 31, 2012 at 10:49pm

Jerica,

So glad you had a good day! I had a good day with family today too. It's nice to think of something else every once in awhile, isn't it?

Comment by Jerica Guerra on March 31, 2012 at 8:07pm

Hey Everyone, hope everyone is ok. I've been ok recently. I also been seeing a therapist. I just started like 2 sessions, but i see lil progress. :) I guess as time goes by i will be n do better. Its been 10 months that my lil brother has taken his life. I think and still talk to him. I miss so dearly. But i know he would of want me to continue life and watch over his kids, which i do proudly. :)  My daughters r very much involve on how im doing, that i just finished playing Zumba Fitness with them. lol And Wow it was fun, I let out alot of fustration, which was kind of good. Talk about sweating... lol. i enjoyed the time i have with my daughters, they do try to cheer me up. and it work today! I know they will be looking for me tom, lol. I guess working out is letting some tension and stress out. I know my brother was looking down at me and laughing his ass off. :)  Have a bless nite and i will have everyone in my prayers tonite. :)

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on March 30, 2012 at 11:10pm

@ Donna, I'm leaving for work now and will be gone through Sun PM.  Will talk again Monday.  Have a blessed weekend. 

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 30, 2012 at 8:56pm

@Theresa, I know you're right, I do. I'm so glad you have your fiance to help you. I hope he's patient and kind.

I have great days and good days and bad days.  Sometimes I'm the one doing the preaching and most times I'm the one who needs preaching to! LOL.

I went to a support group the other day and the facilitator talked about using "content language." In other words, say what you mean and mean what you say. Sometimes people ask me how I am and I say, "Fine, fine. Everything is just fine." So, they accept that and move on. Inside I'm screaming, "Oh God, please just help me through today." So, I'm really trying to be honest (but not morose) in my responses.  It's really kind of hard for me to do. Sometimes I'm a little too direct :)

LOL. I'll be strong again tomorrow and maybe weak the next day. When I can FINALLY say I HAVE survived, my sons and daughters can look to me for assurance that they too have the strength they need to get through just about anything.

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on March 30, 2012 at 8:43pm

@ Donna, We must do that for ourselves.  It is like taking that nap that you needed.  It is how we will be able to mend.  The friends I have now are people that I have met in local grief recovery groups, as well as a few friends who have not suffered a loss like mine but who have a great capacity for empathy, and on a very limited basis, those friends who do not but who are significant in my life.  It has to be the right balance of influences, because I am still so vulnerable.

You have been through very much loss in your life, and you really do need to (learn to) extend the same compassion to yourself that you have for others.  You and others you love and love you depend on it and deserve it.  We must take heed to ourselves first, if we are to have anything to give to others.  It is not selfish; it is wisdom to care for yourself.  My fiance said to me, don't allow the suicide to steal any more from you, and I would say the same to all of us.  There are people in our lives that we are still a significant part of, and they need us to embrace life again.  I'm not there yet, so I'm preaching to myself as much as you!

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on March 30, 2012 at 8:06pm

@ Donna, So true.  I have developed a safety network for myself of people who will speak into my life, as well as things that make me go outside of myself, my house, etc., to avoid that very thing from being able to happen.  We need others to speak life to us, to break us out of the grip of grief, and to keep us from sinking and getting bogged down in it.  I try to maintain a balance of busy and calm/stillness; alone time (to process things) and people time (to be challenged to reenter life).

 

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