My Journal Is My Friend

Marta Felber found journal writing to be an important way to cope with her grief following the death of her husband.

Do you keep a journal? How do you cope with your grief?
Share your story below.

My Journal Is My Friend
Always Near to “Hear” My Grief
By Marta Felber

The pain is unbearable! I put down the feelings that engulf me. They come tumbling out, faster than I can write. Some words are blotted out where tears have fallen. I write the date and time of day before each entry, giving reality to what is happening. Sometimes I write a lot, other times only a sentence or two. Always I feel some measure of relief.

Why I Write in a Journal

My journal offers a ready release. It is always with me, going in my purse when I leave the house. My friends are not that available.

Having to write slows me down to a pace I can handle. It gets me off the treadmill of going nowhere.

My feelings get all jumbled. Writing helps me to separate them and to make sense of what is happening in my life.

Putting my problems on paper organizes them, and I can begin to write possible solutions. I can refer back and check my progress.

When I need to release pent-up feelings, I can read what I wrote in the early days. That will trigger the tears that need to flow.

Questions without answers can be written down and left on the paper. It stops them from going ‘round and ‘round in my head.

As my grief is released, I begin to note some breaks in the clouds. That feels so good.

A running chronicle gives me a “then” and “now” to measure my growth.

My journal is proof of my survival.

This journal method of expressing my grief has helped me more than anything else. I will continue to share with my journal, a friend who is always near.

You too can begin a journal. Purchase a spiral notebook and continue writing through your grief and beyond.

Do you keep a journal? How do you cope with your grief? Share your story and ideas below.
Related articles:
• Creatively Coping with Grief
• Comfort Quickies: Self-Care While Grieving
• Creating Inner Space through Prayer or Meditation

Also by Marta Felber:
• Loneliness Is To Be Felt
• I Need a Hug
• I Need to Exercise: Walking 'Down' Times Away
• How to Make It Through the Night

Marta Felber, author of Grief Expressed When a Mate Dies and Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies, has held many counseling and consulting positions in the U.S. and abroad, including serving for 10 years as director and head counselor at a center for expatriates in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Image credit: mexikids/StockXchng

Tagged: grief expressed, journal writing, marta felber, share your story, what to do, when a mate dies

5 Comments

Comment by Rainey on May 3, 2009 at 6:18pm: Marta,
Journaling also helped me greatly when my mom passed away in 2007, followed 2 weeks later by my husband's father, then 2 weeks after that by husband's grandmother. Journaling helped me to deal with my grief by releasing it through writing. It didn't take away my grief completely, it was another means to help me unclutter all the mixed emotions going on during that time. It helped me to sort things out, journaling is like lifting a weight off my brain, head, shoulders. I usually feel so much better after journaling. Sometimes journaling helps me to better communicate in person after I write it all down.

I have been journaling about 25 years now. Hopefully whenever I pass away and my children read it, it will be a legacy about their mother who was human, who loved her family, who made mistakes, who was trying to find her way in the world in handling life's joys and sorrows, and (like others) find her purpose in life. Hopefully this journal will help them to better understand and love their mother for who she was, her beliefs, her likes and dislikes, what was important to her, and someone who did the best in life that she could at that time, with what she was given.

Comment by richard mom on June 6, 2009 at 12:18am: WHEN MY SON FRIST LEFT I WAS BUSY TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT I DID WHAT HE WOULD WANT.I WANTED HIM TO BE PROUD,IT WAS DEC.3 WHEN ALL THIS BEGIN.AND I HAVE 2 OF MY GRANDCHILDREN WHO LIVE WITH ME.I KNEW THEY WERE WATCHING ME.WE HAD NEVER LOST SOMEONE SO YOUNG.IT COULDN'T BE.HE WAS JUST ON THE PHONE WITH ME.AND WE SPENT THE DAY TOGETHER THANKSGIVING.WE ATE AND STARTED DECORATEING FOR CHRISTMAS.NOW I WAS PLANNING HOW WE WOULD SAY GOOD-BYE.I WAS ALWAYS SO THRILLED FOR CHRISTMAS TO COME.HOW DO YOU MAKE SURE TWO LITTLE PEOPLE HAVE A GOOD TIME WHEN YOU ARE RELIVING EVERY MOMENT YOU'VE HAD WITH YOUR FRIST BORN.AND IN BETWEEN YOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT COULD OF BEEN DONE DIFFERENT SO THE END RESULT WOULD OF BEEN ANYTHING BUT THIS.DID HE HAVE ANY IDEAL?WHY DIDN'T HE GO TO THE DR.HE HAD A WIFE THAT HAD A INSURANCE POLICY ON HIM AND NO HEALTH INSURANCE.AND SHE IS A RN.I HAVE 3 CHILDREN AND HE IS THE ONE I KNEW LOVED ME.HOW COULD THIS BE.HE WAS ONLY 35.I WAS SUPPOSE TO COOK HIS FAVORITE FOOD FOR YEARS TO COME.AND TEASE HIM ABOUT THE GRAY HAIR THAT WAS STEADILY GROWING IN.HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BECOME A GRANDFATHER.THE GENERATION GAP HAD CLOSED.IN THE LAST 5 YEARS WE HAD ONLY JUST BEGUN TO LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER AS ADULTS.AND NOW I NEEDED TO EXCEPT THIS.BUT HOW DO YOU EXCEPT WHAT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND.SO I BEGUN TO WRITE EVERY THING THAT WENT THREW MY MIND.IT HAS BEEN THE ONE THING THAT I DO FOR MY SELF.I'M ON MY 3RD JOURNAL.IT'S HONEST AND TRUE AND CAN BE ANYTHING I NEED IT TO BE.I'M SO GALD FOR ALL THE MANY MANY PEOPLE THAT LET ME KNOW HOW HE TOUCHED THEIR LIFES.BUT I NEEDED MY TIME WITH HIM EVERY DAY.AND THIS I FOUND WORKED SO WELL.I WAS SO BLESSED TO HAVE HAD HIM FOR AS LONG AS I DID.I ONLY WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR HIM.AND I' SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS THAT HAPPEN THAT SAY YES MOM I KNOW.AND I'M STILL AROUND.I TRY NOT TO HAVE SO MANY REGRETS IT' JUST I MISS HIM SO.TILL THAT CHANGES MY JOURNAL WILL HAVE TO SEE ME THREW

Comment by Steve Cain on June 26, 2009 at 11:38pm: I just started an album of pictures of my wife with me, family, friends and our pets on my Facebook page today. It is helping me spend these first few days after her death remembering her and being constructive with my time.

Comment by Steve Cain on June 28, 2009 at 7:47am: Sorry I should have posted my page link
http://www.facebook.com/thedeanofreferees so please look at it, add me (mention Legacy Connect in your request) and comment.

Comment by Andria on September 13, 2009 at 4:53pm: i have a journal. it too is with me where ever i go when im down. its like a run away place in my mind. when its on paper it seems like all the stress is gone. its off my shoulders. i dont have to tell anyone about my problems. i feel like praying and writing in my journal takes it away from me. i dont have to think about it because its no longer with me. when im stressed out all i do is talk to my grandpa that has passed away. i tell him all my problems. i tell him to keep them with him until i want them back (which is never). i know hes in a better place. i know i'll be with him again one day. lately this has been my journal. i have been writing to other people that live in different states or countries. they pray for me and i pray for them. i have a huge heart. i wish some people would realize that. you cant judge a book by its cover. you have to read into it or else you'll never like the book. i hope someone will write me back and help me through this. all i can do now is think back to all the times ive spent with my grandpa...it brings back memories to when i would see my dad. i cant see him anymore. my mom put a court order against him...until im 18. thats 5 more months. i cant imagine how she feels about loosing her father. my dad hasnt been in my life for a long time. i feel like i will have regret when he dies...because we werent close...but he came to grandpas funeral and i realized how much i loved my dad. i realized he loved me all along. he came to support me...time away, always brings you closer together. everything happens for a reason...

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