I'm in the same boat and understand your horrible pain.. my cousin (who said im not your cousin, im your Aunt) after leaving my moms house after a weekend visit was killed in a car accident by a UPS "distracted" driver. I feel so guilty and so very angry. I wanted to tell you, I can blame the man and curse him all day but it doesnt feel any better having an actual somebody to blame. I dont know if its better we have somone to blame but I know how you feel. I sit here over and over trying to understand this and make sense of this and I cant. Please accept my deepest condolenses