I need to express what is going on in my mind and my heart. Time spent and memories I do not want time to diminish. I think of Joe all the time. My daily being is a constant reminder that Joe is no longer by my side. Everything I did daily I had him in mind. My life revolved around us. I loved being loved by him. I still walk around like a lost soul everywhere I go. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. I don't listen to music like I have always done. I dont enjoy it right now. I am reminded constantly of moments we shared. Talks we had. Wrestling. Joe played the hermonica so well. He had a great sense of humor. We lived our lives together every moment we could. I am so grateful for all the times he layed off work because he hated to be away from me. His work took him out of town and spending the night alone was not something either one of us wanted. I don't know when if ever I will come to accept or understand why he is not with me right now. God knows and I suffer in my loss. I will see my love again. Joe always teased me that when it came to be my time he would ask God to let him take that knock on the door when I wanted to come in. Hello Corrine, Hi Joey, Have you been good? Oh yes Joey I've been good. He told me that we would be together in Heaven. It is so important to me that I never forget the little things.He took such good care of me when I was sick. He was such a great cook. He loved to experiment with seasonings. Create his own sauces. He was hard on himself and always wanted our meals cooked perfect. I was always impressed. We had so much fun at the grocery store. We loved crab and ate it till we were sick. Oyster shooters, yummy! He would have fabulous meals prepared for us when I would get home from work. Start with salads and whatever he he thought he'd like to surprize me with. New Years of 09 we enjoyed filet mignon at 3 in the morning. He cooked and I video taped. I never really appreciated food and eating it until this amazing man came into my life. Never be the same for me ever.  Joe wrote me some beatiful love letters. His writing was so eloquent. I treasure those most. He was a big man. He was a black belt and for a guy in his mid 50s he could still kick high and with good form. His mother was a piano teacher so he had a natural musical talent. His father was the fire captain in Roseburg Oregon. Joe always worried about fire. Never leave the dryer running when not at home. I have many pics and short videos of us. I have beautiful pics of the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side. They are all from the view of a train engineer from his I Phone. I have them framed and hanging around the house. Joe shared his day everyday through pics and text when he could. We were always so connected. My soul mate. Today is the day after the Super Bowl. Last year on this day we took a week vacation. We went to Roseburg where he grew up. He showed me all around his stomping grounds. Joe took me to meet his childhood friend Don. We  sat around and I listened to some good stories of the guys growing up in Roseburg. Good time. He told Don I was his wife to be. I loved that. We spent the night in a motel right along the highway and of couse our room faced the noise. Next trip to Roseburg we stayed at the Windmill Inn rm# 165. Much better!  We drove along the Umpqua River, so beautiful. We stayed at Diamond Lake in a little cabin along the lake. We had a great view. Alot of snow was on the ground. Guess it was February. We were going to snowmobile. I was sick. He went to get us dinner from the lodge. Joe was not impressed with how employee's handled the food so he went to the store down the road and brought back 2 frozen dinners, cup o noodles and instant coffee. We watched the Winter Olympics on tv and he entertained me with his goofy humor all evening. Such great memories. We left there the next day. Stopped at the split of the Umpqua rivers where they come together. Very beautiful. We stopped and had Chinese at his favorite place in Roseburg, Kownoon and then headed for the coast.We listened to a song on the radio I think was called The Monkey and the Engineer. No joke. Funny as hell. I would like to find that song again. Joe wanted to surprize me with a fantastic stay at the coast and he did not dissapoint. We stayed at Overleaf Resort on the Oregon Coast. The room was amazing. I had flowers and chocolates and champagne and a yummy scented candle waiting for me. This was my Valentines gift from him and I was overwhelmed. We had a fabulous dinner at a great restaurant,The Yachats River House. I had Escalar. One of the best meals I've ever had. We laughed our entire trip along the coast. It rained sideways! Wind and rain the entire trip. Our view from that room in Yachats was panoramic. The best room they had. I felt so special. Joe had such a way about himself that the women there at the motel stuck around to meet him just from talking to him on the phone. He was so fun. So full of life. He had not spent time driving along 101 the Oregon Coast.  We drove through the different towns along the way. Cannon Beach being one of them. That is another story for a different time for me. We stayed at Chinook Winds in Lincoln City. Joe went to the store and bought wine a little stuffed Bear that said, I'm Your's and a balloon that said Happy Valentines Day. On our way home we stopped at a place in Seaside called Bigfoot. We knew that we would be back to stay and hang out there. Never happened. All I know is I miss this man constantly. We had so many plans. We worked so hard towards a common goal and it did not come together for us. I love him so much. My heart beats out of my chest. I pray for strength and acceptance. I want to be with Joe. My time will come. I want to believe that good comes from loss and I have a renewed faith and I need to learn more about this short time we do have on this earth and why we are here. We all have a purpose and I know that Joe came into my life to enrich our being. I just was not even almost ready to let him go. Not up to me though. I do not think I can spend the summer in this town that we lived in together. I hear the train horn every night and it hurts. I do not want to see the train going up and down the Columbia River Gorge. To painful. I dont want to drive anywhere near the gorge. To many memories of bike rides. I dont want to go to the Coast. Joe and I had been there just before he died for his sons wedding. The hills around this area are beautiful. There are so many pretty places. Joe and I spent alot of time riding around on his bike checking them out. Grocery Stores, different neighborhood bars and eateries, places that we never made it to. It is all around me and it is suffocating me. I hear the train now and I swear it screams in my ear. I have a friend that lives along the river but right next to the tracks. I can't go over there. I have Joe's pictures around it gives me comfort. He took those pics for me. They are through his own eyes and I see and feel him. He was too young. He had so much to live for. He was a beautiful person. I put a Valentine in the local paper in memory of him. I am a lucky woman to have known this man. We truly did have it all.  I am a Blessed woman for what he gave me...........HIS HEART.