Dear Laura...

   Hi, my name is Leslie... My son Jordan passed at the age of 23. I just want you to know someone understands, "we" understand... I understand.

   In the beginning; my first of {normal} celebrations like Christmas...I still bought Jordan things. Not the regular things, but things that reminded me of him. I built up....no, that sounds wrong...but I made at the crash-site, a big HEART where he landed. And every Christmas or birthday I bring little gifts there, and place them in the heart. {We live in the desert, and he was on his way back from a local river he loved, when he swerved to miss someone coming off the mountain on a motorcycle} He and his girlfriend were killed that day. I call that day "Angel Day". Because no matter what "I" think and feel... That was the day he met Jesus. It was most likely one of the happiest days of my sons life. So, I call it his Angel Day.

   You know, I believe our time was set from the beginning. There is nothing we can do, nor nothing we could've done to change it.

   It is a long hard road...I've been traveling it now for 5 1/2 yrs. I miss him so much, I always will. We will never get over this... but we will get through this, together.

   I thank GOD for this site, I only wish I found it sooner. May God Bless you and hold you. I will keep you in my prayers... Just know "I" am grieving with you.  If you need me, I'm here.                                  Leslie

laura hope you are doing ok. when some one ask me how many i have i say 2 one in heaven and one here with me on earth.or sometimes i dont feel like sharing my story i just say my daughter then i feel bad not mentioning my son.life not easy.hang in there.

laura hope you are doing ok. when some one ask me how many i have i say 2 one in heaven and one here with me on earth.or sometimes i dont feel like sharing my story i just say my daughter then i feel bad not mentioning my son.life not easy.hang in there.

laura hope you are doing ok. when some one ask me how many i have i say 2 one in heaven and one here with me on earth.or sometimes i dont feel like sharing my story i just say my daughter then i feel bad not mentioning my son.life not easy.hang in there.

laura hope you are doing ok. when some one ask me how many i have i say 2 one in heaven and one here with me on earth.or sometimes i dont feel like sharing my story i just say my daughter then i feel bad not mentioning my son.life not easy.hang in there.

laura hope you are doing ok. when some one ask me how many i have i say 2 one in heaven and one here with me on earth.or sometimes i dont feel like sharing my story i just say my daughter then i feel bad not mentioning my son.life not easy.hang in there.

hi laura it so hard birthdays,holidays what ever you do your son would be happy.my son was only 2 when he passed and on his birthday i go to the grave have ice cream and watch the planes two things he loved.i lived on the 3rd floor he could see the planes and would get so excited.i like your idea of planting a tree.just being with family and friends is nice am sure you will find something that can give you peace.

You're right Laura losing a child is much worst than losing a parent or a sibling. I have lost my father and only sibling a brother. I thought it was horrible as I would see older men and think they looked like my father. When I'd see the movie ghost I cried through the entire movie thinking of my brother. Yes, there were lots of tears and pain for both of the first 2 men I ever loved in my life. That was many years ago for both. But to lose my only child my precious son still doesn't seem real. I can't take it when I stop and realize the facts. It's not unusual to cry all the time, to go to sleep, to wake up and be thinking of my precious son that was taken from me. But it's not like that now. I don't cry every morning and every night as I did. I never know when something is going to strike my heart and tears began to start. However, I get hit with what can be termed as a wave,k I'm standing on the sand and big wave knocks me over. Nonetheless, I have kept myself busy from the very beginning. I play and active role in the garden club that I was a part of before this all happened. I keep doing things to better my mind because if I didn't i know my son would consider me a wimp.  It's almost 2 years and I have lots of feelings. Life has been difficult because now that my son doesn't live with my mother my husband and myself have stepped in to do things for her such as cleaning, shopping and some cooking. Losing a child is very different and I so wish I had a daughter. My mother is 96 in April it's difficult to understand why someone who has been sick for so many years wants to continue keeping on with all her many losses. I've looked to her as a role model in that aspect. But it is still difficult and often feel as if I'm being punished. That song sung by Bill Joel makes me think how true it is about "Only the good die young." My son Joe was 42 and he had achieved his master's degree in finance and accounting and took care of my mother who he lived with. He had a girl friend I never knew about. He had many friends who I learned about afterwards and they still post to him on his face book wall. Joe has love from his friends that will never forget him. He left me a place to go to write to him on face book. It makes me feel good and it is cathartic. It's almost 2 years and the drunk driver was in jail for almost a week and let out the day we said our farewell where Joe is now with his grandfather. The drunk driver is still walking around free. I was happy to see a big sign in front of the police station the other day letting drivers who have been drinking that they will be pulled over. One of Joe's friends who is a police officer now; I didn't see the gentleman since they played baseball as kids in grammar school came to visit the day we were informed. I thought of him when I saw the sign and know he thought of his friend Joe when the sign was placed.

You have had too many losses at one time. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain for you. You're not alone many of us have gone through the first months and understand . Everyone feels different but it's still the same in a sense of loss. And with the love from your daughters you will be able to get through this. It's not a breeze but you will handle it just as I have. I didn't come on this site immediately and don't always post. Take care of yourself and know that you are normal. You are a good mother.

With Love,

Barbara

Laura....4 months is so brand new to this grief journey.  I can suggest a couple of books that really helped me in the beginning.   I am 2 1/2 yrs into this journey and the pain isn't as intense but the tears are always right there ready to flow....

Here are the book titles...

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye    Brook Noel/Pamela Blair

Heaven is for Real      Todd Burpo

Embraced by the Light    Betty Fadie

I read them in that order and I have others as time goes on but these seemed to ease some of the intense pain.   I hope these help you in some way. 

Hugs to you!   Know we have all been where you are and know what you are feeling.  Just be kind to yourself, take it slow (you can't rush this) and be around people who are supporting of you.

Susan

I lost my son Donny (39).