Martha, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It is so much more difficult to deal with death when it is unexpected such as your husband's. My husband's death 15 years ago was also unexpected. I found that the only way to travel on this road is one day at a time, until one day, even though you might not feel "better", you will look over your shoulder and realize how far you have come, and this inspires you to take a few more steps. Remember to look back every now and then to have some measure of how far you have come.

I know you won't be able to physically talk to your husband, but I found a healing exercise to be writing a letter to my husband. In that letter, you can say all the things you would have said if you knew that morning was the last time you would see him. You can also include how you are feeling now and how much you miss him. Take one more step with the letter -- read it aloud to a trusted friend or family member -- or even a counselor, if you have one available. If you feel it is too private, then just read it aloud while you are alone. Actually having someone hear the words (even if it is not your husband) really helps. It also just helps to release the words into the universe.

Healing from grief also relies heavily on the mourner's attitude. I know I made a conscious decision to get through it. That doesn't mean I wasn't sad or all the other emotions that go with grieving. What it meant was that I knew "one day" I was going to get through this and feel joy again. I had a goal and I kept moving toward it. Most everyone is overwhelmed at the beginning -- and a month out is not very long at all. As dark as it seems now, you can get through this if you decide you can. The fact that you are looking for support and answers on legacy is the first indication that you want to and you are looking for the tools to help you. On the discussion group for Camp Widow, you will see the presenting organization as Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. They have an excellent program called WidowMatch, which matches you up with another widow with similar circumstances. This is very supportive talking to someone with a similar experience. The "matches" help each other figure it out and move forward. Wishing you the best.

i am so sorry martha for the loss of your husband. it has been ten months since my husband died very suddenly. he was so healthy so it is still so shocking. sudden death is incredibly hard to deal with let alone your issues. everyone tells me time and baby steps....it is all hard. death is part of life but since we are never taught that i think it makes it all the scarier when it does happen. you are dealing with a part of death that i haven't had to deal with. i still wonder how i am going to keep going...i have three kids and two grand-daughters so that is helpful. i have lots of supportive family and friends...it all helps...i am always reaching out to others and never stop talking about my husband...he was part of my life for 35 years.no one can tell you how to grieve or for how long...this is all yours....i am not sure it ever gets easier...only softens...keep writing...i think that is always helpful...alaine

Martha,I am so sorry for your loss how terrable,I hope they got who did this, not that it will change anything but it may help to know he got caught and hopefully justice will be done. I lost my husband on 4-29- last year he to was sick he had emphysema, but had a massive heart attack at home with me only feet away ,so the pain of loosing someone to a health situation is bad enough, but what happened to you is just heart renching,All i can say is take it one minute at a time I use to say one day at a time but after a yr. it has become one minute. hopefully there is a support group for you situation if they were caught maybe you could ask the proscuters office about it I know they deal with theses things so often maybe they can direct you to somewhere. I know there are no words that help but this site is wonderfull weather you just read or post, we are all here for you, You are in my prayers and thoughts if you would like my personal e-mail I will be more then glad to give it to you. Virginia

Dear Martha,
This is such a terrible thing that has happened.
Your husband should not have died at the hand of another human being. My thought on this is that a group councling with others that have been through this kind of death in their family would be very benifical to you. Only those that are going through this kind of thing will really know or have insight to help. We here will, and can be of some help during this time and will do our best to do what we are able.
God bless you in your hour of need, and always.
Tom