"It feels terrible, huh? I used to have the prettiest smile lines on my face. As the year has passed, so have they. I'm so tired of pretending. I've tried to brush aside the truth of the extent of my broken ness. I've put up such the…"
"Thanks Heatha. It's been over 4 yrs but I still can't come to terms with it. I should be gone, Candace should be raising her grls. I pleaded w/God to make time go back and take me. He didn't. I'm sure it's because He sees…"
"I understand about the pills. I felt the same way. I was too numb. Void of any emotion or feeling. I needed to experience these feelings and emotions. In the past, I always dealt with a bottle or a drug. I've never really faced any grief I have…"
"Thank you Heatha. I'll never get past this. Candace was my life, She's my heart and soul. I hate saying "was", my baby's really gone? I don't forsee any peace in my future. I have a constant frown on my face. My dr gave…"
"I'm so sorry your are having such a hard time. I think of you often. I wonder how your are doing. I pray for peace in your broken heart. At times, I wish I could just give you a big hug, sit, share a pot of coffee and listen to you tell stories…"
"It's a lingering, no relief in site pain. Candace is my only child. I would die for her! Why Lord? He knows something I don't. I have to trust in Him. Thanks for replying Renee. I feel so alone w/o Candace. "
It feels terrible, huh? I used to have the prettiest smile lines on my face. As the year has passed, so have they. I'm so tired of pretending. I've tried to brush aside the truth of the extent of my broken ness. I've put up such the front, people get offended if I'm not all cheery, smiley and "happy". It's their fault I've worn the mask for so long. It was the only way. But now, no one to be found. I'm NOT OK! I try to be strong for everyone. But it's becoming hard to remain as such. I'm discovering there isn't anyone in my neck of the woods that is there to be strong for me. Unfair! I carry the weight of my world, plus everyone else's. No extra shoulders to spare to help ME share this burden. Sorry to vent all that to you.... I was happy to have eyes to help witness. That way I know, I'm not crazy. Or at least not as much as I think. Hope Monday starts a good week for you. Thoughts, prayers and squishes, H
I understand about the pills. I felt the same way. I was too numb. Void of any emotion or feeling. I needed to experience these feelings and emotions. In the past, I always dealt with a bottle or a drug. I've never really faced any grief I have faced, and one had so many. I'm slowly muddling through years of PTSD causing experiences. One stacked on to of the other. The loss of my son Liam was the final straw. I no longer recognize The woman looking back at me in the mirror. I no longer recognize the thoughts in my own head.
You feel familiar to me. I hope that's not too forward. Or creepy.. But you remind me of someone, but I just can't put my finger on it. Anywhooooo, I digress; I'll gladly share my army of strength in my little toe with you anytime. There's always enough for one more. I hope time gets better for you. You're forever in my heart, Heatha
I'm so sorry your are having such a hard time. I think of you often. I wonder how your are doing. I pray for peace in your broken heart. At times, I wish I could just give you a big hug, sit, share a pot of coffee and listen to you tell stories about Candace. I think the world of you and the live you have for your daughter. I'm so sorry she was taken from you. I know in my heart and soul, we will see our children again.
You speak the pain I hide. You say out loud, what I am unable. Thank you. When I read you cry out for your daughter. I cry with you. It brings my pain to the top and I have to deal. It a good thing. That's the one thing I quit doing, dealing. I brush it aside. But because of that, I now have this giant lump in my throat (the one you get when you're about to cry) that won't go away. But I read your honesty and heart felt words, I cry with you for the loss of our only children. It (the lump) gets smaller for a minute. Thank you Melinda, for being so strong to share your story. Thank you For being my voice. I hope that all came out right.
I understand your feelings. I am missing my Tony so much today. It's just one of those days when it hits me so hard, I will never touch him, or talk to him , or hear his special laugh again. I pray every day for The Lord to take me to him. Much love to all of you that has lost your child. The most pain anyone can ever feel. Hugs to all Renee.
Melinda, I understand what you're saying about getting confused with all the religions. The best thing is to believe in God. However, I do like to watch and listen to Joel Osteen. He doesn't really speak about religion just quotes some things from the bible. And he tells personal stories and is inspiring as well as uplifting. He's so positive and gives good direction such as this week. He said to ask God to anoint us in all areas of our life each and every day. But be specific as to what and who you want to be anointed. Starting with yourself. It's a good feeling. I don't know if you have ever seen him but he is on Sunday morning channel 5 channel 7 and other stations as well. Check those stations between 9am and 9:30am.
Good Luck. And May you be anointed by God in feeling good today.
Melinda I said a prayer for Candace last night from the prayer registry but didn't realize it was your daughter till this morning. I registered my daughter Kyra after she died. Her 1st year angel date is August 17th. Love and hugs to you both Lynn Williams
Melinda, I lost my only daughter 01/04/2009 said turn 30 years old, well prepare with her masters degree to start our life, when I lost her it was the worse day of my life, nothing could and can compare to that news and the way I felt. We have lost our love child, but God as put angles and special friend with family that give their support. Ultimately when I get week they help to make me strong. I cherish those beautiful memories of her from birth to her pasting. They're memories is for ever. Be comforted and encourage yourself each day and trust in God He promise we will see our love child when He God put in his appearance. Be encourage and enjoy her memories forever. MedoraKAy.
malinda guinn. thankyou for sending the letter. I don't know very much about computers I am disabled and my mom would help me everyday just talking .malinda I just don't know how to go on without my mother. It sure hurts everyday and night. I don't have a life anymore.thankyou for the letter I hope you get this as I said I don't know the computer verywell