Olivia & John ....Love Is Forever<3

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Olivia & John love forever <3

I love you my teddy bear, I miss you so much! Thanks for love me the way you did. Thank you for make me experience the true love between two human being, it was a true bless from God <3
Love You Forever,
Your Wife

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At 8:31am on November 21st, 2009, Jennifer Whitehurst said…: Dear Olivia-

Thank you for your nice email....I know it takes time. Tomorrow will be 7 weeks for me. Do you have the feeling that time is flying, but then look and say "it's only been XX weeks?" At times I feel like it's been 7 years...I guess I'm tired.
I know I'm young, I just hate hearing people tell me I will find someone else. I know they think I will, and maybe someday that will happen, but it feels very insensitive at such a horrible time. I don't think there's any ill-will that comes with a comment like that, they think they're saying the right thing. It just turns out to be the wrong thing.

How are you doing?

At 12:42pm on November 19th, 2009, Anita Simmons said…: Hi Olivia
I wish I could say I'm ok. Every where I turn there's Malcolm. I think the last message you sent you asked about Taylor, the man who stole a gun from me. You see. Malcolm was a man who loved to hunt, deer, wild hogs, aligators etc. You had several guns and one was left here when he left which was unlike him. He always carried one with him whereever he went. The gun he left was one we hunted with all the time (rifle). Unsure why he left cause he never did. Malcolm was just not himself the whole weekend. something was goin on with him and I can't seem to figure it out. It's going to haunt me my whole life just as the plane crash does. I can't get the image of him all burnt up out of my head. I try but it judt doesn't go away. Olivia, Monday was 3 weeks for us and it just doesn't seem to get any better. I still wake with this horrible knot in my stomach. And I spend the day crying off and on. I am seeking a job but am so afraid that I Am goin to sabatoge myself. Malcolm and I went every where together. There is no palce to hide except church. I am trying and I think I am moving foreward but it doesn't make me feel any better. I miss him so so much. My whole entire life, 24/7, was about taking care of Malcolm. I was truely happy and so in love with him. How do you let go of that?
How is everything going on your end? This is your second go around and I know it doesn't get any easier. I hope you get better with everything and things get easier.

Anita

At 7:06am on November 18th, 2009, Julie Rohmann Brockway said…: Your words sound so positive,,How do you do it? I try sooo hard to find everyhappy moment Ihad with Kimberlie and the only thought that stays in my head is when the nurse came in and told me she was gone. Kimberlie's dad and I are divorced, the strain of a handicapped child did us in. He was a great father though not not a very good husband. He wont even talk about Kimberlie anymore. she was his only child.
Im glad I have Stephanie. She has been a great help throughout the year but she has a life too and I dont want her worrying about mom all the time. Thank you for all your kind words, you truly are a very strong person and hopefully someday i will get at that point too.

At 7:10am on November 17th, 2009, Julie Rohmann Brockway said…: Thank you for responding Missmylove47. Kimberlie was 17. She wasnt very big though. She was about the size of a 6 year old. I could still pick her up and carry her around. She was the reason I lived. Dont get me wrong I have another daughter she is 24 but she really dont need me as much as Kimberlie did. I feel so lost and empty and I cry all the time and its been a year. Everyone tells me it gets easier,,WHEN?? I just cant take the pain anymore. I want it to go away.

At 11:48am on November 14th, 2009, Anita Simmons said…: Fri was a better day. I spent it with my daughter (20)and the day remained quiet, no attacks from the man who is holding all the things he took from the home just a quiet day. It was the first time I was able to eat a meal and really laughed. Malcolm is very much alive in my heart. I still listen for the ranger to come home or his truck and I still listen for his ringtone on his phone. I still read his text meassages to me and the one voicemail message I have. It consumes me but I know that the hard part hasn't even began. Everything was paid up to date and our debt was basic needs (house, utilities and car) so I have been doing everything I can to save as much money as possible.
Right now I just need to fix a mistake that is becoming impossible. I was convinced that if I did not get certain items of Malcolms out of the house the family will come and raid the house of all these items. I let him take them and now he is lying about what he has and refuses to return it to me. He wants to get all these people involved who do not need to be involved hence they don't want to be. All this silly stuff but sentinmental to me is gone for good and the family cant get back what they desire. I feel so stupid.
I live in Viera, Florida (central, east). The ranch Malcolm worked on was here next to the house. You sound very positive and have great advice, I just hope you can hear your words of advise.
I am here for you and if ever you need you can always get ahold of me. God is with us throughout all of this and will guide us to where we need to be.

Take care of yourself

Anita

At 6:36pm on November 10th, 2009, Anita Simmons said…: Olivia, can you tell tell me something? I am not trying to be rude just inquisitive. If they can hear us and see us then when I tell Malcolm about mistakes I made that would hurt him so badly what keeps him from being sad and hurting himself? I believe they feel no pain and are in peace and complete happiness. Are their emotions just limited to happiness and peace? You see, I have never felt or seen Malcolm. I dream of him. Our dreams are always intimate but his face is never visable. I've only had 2 dreams but no signs, nothing. Today I have been busy between going to court to get a copy of his will (fighting for our home) in hopes there is some chance for me. Went to group grief counceling and met some woman who helped and gave me my light back. There is a little hope now. My daughter and I went looking at apartments ( depressed me cause I live in a nice new 4 bedroom home and we are downgrading to a small 2 bedroom place) We then went to the library and I got books, even though I hate reading about Mediums, heaven etc. I just got home but I found that all day long I spent thinking of Malcolm and all the resturaunts we went to, every road we traveled on and such. I wait to hear the sound of his ranger (4-wheel drive golf court)that we played on a lot at the ranch, driving down the road. It's non stop. Does it ever slow down? Will other things finally enter my thoughts other then Malcolm? How in the world have you done this twice in 2 yrs?
Congradulations on making it back to the bed no matter how brief it was. It's a big step. Do you still live in Florida?

Please take care and keep taking your steps foreward. I still hold strong to God and believe he will take care of me. As for another man, I hate that my thoughts go there, I sometimes wonder if
I will ever be loved again or will I love again. Right now my little man, Sami, is my love. He's our dog that Malcolm so loved. He is really sad today and I wish I could make him happy.
Take care

At 10:32pm on November 8th, 2009, Anita Simmons said…: Nice to meet you Olivia. I listen to your words very closely and I do hear you. I have differantly beliefs when it comes to them hearing us. Over the last few weeks I have been talking to him a lot. I have been confessing my wrong doings to him and I know they would hurt him and cause sadness. There is no sadness, hurt, stress, anger in heaven. I know when I'm talking to Malcolm, God hears me. It's still very confusing for me as to that fact and my true beliefs are confusing. I hope he can't hear but I do pray he can see me. I live here in Central Florida. We were going to Tenn. shortly and that was heaven for us (as close as we could get). I hate it here. My home is located just on the other side of the big ranch we played on, hunted, shared many romantic moments of love, passion, laughter, healing from deep wound an some anger but we loved it there. It was the only reason we were hanging on so hard. He was a man of vision. He caried the weight of the world on his shoulder and did it so gracefully. I feel honored to have been loved by him.
Eating? Still can't really eat. I've lost 20lbs. Trying applesauce, yougart, cheese and soup. Not a lot but I'm trying to like food again. I sleep ok. I think I can get 5 hrs straight some night. I place Malcolms picture on my computers wallpaper so his picture stays on all night. Giving me some comfort, I think. My church is a huge support as for my father and stepmother and my daughters presence takes away the loneliness.
I have God on my side no matter how badly the family treats me and I have to believe and have faith he will protect me. I have to humble myself to apologize for lying to them about items I kept from them that Malcolm had and they wanted. I behaved badly and have faith God will just watch out for me. I cry everyday still, not as often though. I have grief councelors from my church and from hospice . I have at least one thing a day to do. Sometimes it's just a few hrs but it's a start. I can't get ride of any of Malcolm clothes and I no I can be ok by not getting ride of them. The cad and the pictures I believe never was meant to hurt you and I know your girl see it that way. Hopefully she can try to see it their way. Keep going. Have you tried a support group? I have my first one on Tues. I'll let you know how it goes. Take care of yourself and put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps are ok. I'm glad your around. Where is home for you? Talk soon

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