"THANKS Jerry and Marsha H. for your comments, I really appreciate your kindness.I'm pretty upset with my family and my husbands right now....my brother and his girlfriend (they both lost their spouses) were the only ones who sent me a card…"
"Today is the anniversary of my husbands death....I can't believe it's been a year all ready. Some days it seems like yesterday and somedays it feel like 10 years! I too wish I could have one more day with my husband....I miss him so…"
" Dear Frank,
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away last October 20 2011 and it still doesn't seem real to me. I went to a bereavement group tonight called: "Grief Share" and it was pretty good for…"
"Dear Carol Kayser,
I just read your post and I like the idea of releasing balloons. My husband died last October 20,2011, his birthday is on the 1st of October and I'm dreading October so much!!! October was our month...we loved to ride…"
What web site did you go to to find this info because I need to send something like that to my family and friends also.....NONE of them have been around and they have no idea how hard it is when you lose your husband and what…"
I'm so sorry for your loss.Hopefully you can find some comfort through this site. We're all going through the same terrible thing and just hearing from other people who are going through the same thing…"
It's been some time since I've been on here, but today is a really hard day for me.....it's been 10 months today that I lost my husband. I've been cring a lot lately..remembering how terrible…"
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on October 20,2011...our 35th wedding anniversary would have been on the 29th of October. I would like to suggest a book for you...it's called: "Widow to Widow". I…"
I'm SO glad you read the book: "Widow to Widow". After reading the book I didn't feel so crazy. The book explains so much about the process of grief and what other people have gone through. It…"
"To Bruce....Thanks so much for the information. I did finally get the truck to start....I left it run for a good while to charge the battery and today it started right up for me! I've made a note of your info so the next time I'm…"
"Karen and Everyone,
I know I posted this before, but for those who might not have read it..there's a really good book called:"Widow to Widow". My friend is reading it right now so I'm not sure of the author...it…"
I totally know what you mean. I have 4 brothers and none of them EVER ask if they can help me with anything. I called my one brother today because the battery in my husbands truck was dead and I needed to use it…"
I'm so sorry for everything that is happening to you right now. I pray that God will be with you and help you through this difficult time. Try to check into some kind of support group thru your local church or…"
I know how you're feeling...my husband used to fix everything as well. It's so hard when you go to get in the car and it won't start because the battery is dead.I have had to put the battery charger on a few things…"
Hello Peg, I just read your reply tonight. This site for some reason is hard to follow posts . My wife did have cancer,although her illness started as a problem with her vision that was due to a pituitary tumor. Somehow after 4 surgeries, it turned cancerous and spread though out her body. She went through a year of hell on earth then passed away Jan 15,2010. She was just 55 years old.As for the nurse thing, hospice sent a nurse twice a week to check on my wife's condition. They also had and aid come 5 days a week 4 hours a day.She really didn't do much,only god thing was it allowed me to leave for sort periods to go to the store. Mainly sat in our bedroom and watched tv. The week before my wife died she told the nurse she didn't want the aid any longer,by this time my wife was blind,she told the nurse all the aid did was sit in the room and rustle papers. So they stopped sending her. I am glad since I spent the last week next to my wife rubbing her back to help ease the pain. Maybe she knew the end was near and didn't want tone around a stranger. It is sad when we can't get along with our children,but I see it happen all too often. Hope you are doing well.Jerry
Good day Peg, I know how hard all of this is for you and all of us. It is true, people do and have moved on with their lives. No one realizes just what we are going through because they themselves have not lost the other have of themselves. Each day IS a challenge! I find there are 2 sides of me the one the public sees, the strong survivor and the other side that sobs uncontrollably from loneliness and fear.
I have no children, so to answer your question about your daughter, the best I can offer is to just follow your heart. If your heart is telling you to send a card and/or a gift then do so, she is your daughter. Someday she may wake up and realize what she has done to sever the relationship with her family. NO ONE can sit on top of the world forever and if that day should come for her then she may realize just what you are going through. Some people are sad excuses for living.
Peg, you will make it, you need to be strong. Someone once told me the 3 year stages of grieving are: the first year you are numb, the second year reality checks in and the third year is for eternity. I am in the reality year with 14 months under my belt and even though it does not hurt any less I feel this year has brought out the true loneliness surrounding my husband's passing. I have never realized just how quiet life can be when you are alone.
Your life has been changed forever and there will always be a missing piece so live your life for you and NOT for the pleasure of others. Hugs and prayers, Jane P.
It seems that everyone fels that as time passes you should be back to normal. But no one knows how we feel in or mind and especially out hearts. I still often think about what was happening when my wife was alive on certain dates, things like was she in the hospital, or were we going to the city for treatments. I try not to do this often, better to think of the good times,which in reality there wer so many more. I have 2 married children and at first they were a little more supportive, but after 2 1/2 years seem to have backed away. I even had to cut my brother inlaw out of my life, he made a few stupid comments soon after his sister died that I didnt like.I feel that I have to do what I think is right for me. Hope you find some peace in the future.
Peg, Hang in there with us. Your situation is not unique nor are you alone in your feelings. I have no children, my only living relative is an older brother. We both attended a funeral approximately 2 weeks ago and he not only ignored me he snubbed me. I was devastated. I not only was hurt over his actions I forgot to take my xanax and could not compose myself during the funeral and I had to walk out. I later confronted him and he said he was upset with me because I did not call him to tell him I was coming in for the funeral. Hello did I hear you correctly, since when did you care? The point I am trying to make is no one realizes just what hell we are living in. It is worst than a nightmare since we life it in every waking hour. It is an effort for us to put one foot in front of the other. These people have moved on with their lives and they do not know what we are going through and frankly I really don't think they care. So with all that said, pray for them, so they will never go through what we are experiencing, hold your head up high, cry when you need too and someday they just may come to their senses, until then life your life for you. Sending many hugs, Jane P.
Peg, I am so sorry for your loss and you having to join us on the roller coaster of grief. Within this group you will find that no judgements are passed, we are all grieving and we are all in different stages of grief.
With one dying breath your life changed forever and unless someone has walked in our shoes they truly do not know or understand the multitude of grief we are going through. Yes, you will be able to count on one hand all of your friends and family who will be there to assist you in any manner, in other words you need to take the situation in your own hand and start to move forward. People move on with their lives, some feel you are a threat to them, some feel they no longer have anything in common with you, some just feel you should get over it, and some just don't get it at all!
I have no one, and I depend on no one, so I cut my own grass, cemented some cracks in walls, washed the outside of the house, fixed steps.......and every time I do something I feel my husband smiling down on me saying I knew you can do it, good for you, that a girl!
After my husband passed his side of the family talked terrible about me and that is OK because I know I did what I could to take care of him while he was alive. They were no where to be found and yet they can pass judgement on me, so in other words talk is cheep! I had 2 choices here, either let their comments eat me up or ignore them, and I chose the latter.
You need to find your new normal. You need to try and move forward and not worry about who can or will help you and you need to do all of this while you are grieving. It is not easy and you will fail more than once but it is the getting up and to keep moving forward attitude that will get you through all of this. Sending many hugs, Jane P.