Hi, my husband passed away Sept. 25, 2009. He battled cancer for three years. We went to numerous experimental trials with hope that he would beat the cancer. We lived on hope, but it was not to be. Even when it came to the end I never believed he was going to die. The doctor's kept us up to date on everything, but I just didn't believe it. I think our brains block us from the truth in order to get through it.

During my husband's illness our son was battling addiction. We were directly involved with his care and working for solutions for his recovery. I am so saddened that this happened during the time my husband was fighting for his life. We did everything we could for our son and ... at the end of our ropes we sent him to California for treatment. I had to take my son out of re-hab for the funeral and fly him back.

My grief is compounded because the last year of my husband's life we had to deal with the anxiety of that. I did get comfort when told it was an indication of how ill my son was. I just didn't understand how a son, or anyone, would trouble a person as sick as my husband.

My husband was able to maintain a somewhat normal life during all of his treatments. I was fortunate that he could take care of himself right to the end. Sure I had to do some things, but not like what a lot of other people have to do.

Since he passed...it's been just crazy. I went from 100 miles an hour to zero!!! I did go to a couple of grief groups...but something like this would have been better.

I'm slowly learning how to maintain my home...fighting it all the way. I call it fits and starts.

I miss my husband in so many ways. I am in a boat without oars. I wonder if I will get some sort of balance back into my life.

I appreciate this group...you all sound like very caring people.

R