Well, Labor Day has come and gone, and we didn't do anything special because I just don't feel like doing much these days in the way of celebrating anything.  When Todd died, I feel as though I died.  When he was living, I never even thought about what joy he brought to my everyday life.  I did think he was a great kid and wonderful son.  Now I realize that he was the light of my life!  So intelligent and kind, always even-tempered and able to make me laugh when I felt down...now I wonder how I could possibly have felt "down" when he was alive.  Never, ever thought we would lose the youngest member of our family.  When Todd passed, he had 3 living grandparents who live in their own homes, and the 4th grandparent had just died at age 90 only 7 months prior to Todd.  Just feeling so very sad today and everyday.

Hope you are feeling better than me.

Janet 

Hi Shannon, 

I hope you were able to go to the group meeting.  Meetings with other parents who have lost a child are always helpful, even if only to let you know that you're not alone.  Bad things do happen to good people!  I hate it and wish I that, I too, could get some understanding as to why this had to happen.  After two years I'm still trying to "be there" for my daughter, but I know she feels as though she has lost me too.  It's wonderful that your son, Briaunte, used to compliment you on your appearance - my son Todd did that too!  When he was 16, my husband John, our daughter Tracy and Todd were all going out somewhere with friends and their teenage children, and I asked Todd if he thought the black shirt I was going to wear with light blue jeans looked okay.  The shirt was casually dressy, if that makes sense.  He said, "Mom, you always look young, but that shirt makes you look like a kid"!  I beamed, especially since Todd never thought about what he was going to say, he'd just say what he thought.  That was a long time ago.  I now have difficulty caring about my appearance, except that I want him to recognize me when we meet again.  I think often of the words in the song Eric Clapton wrote after the death of his 4-yr. old son, "Will you know me now, when I see you in heaven?" (or words to that effect).  It's the only way I can get myself to care at all about how I look.   

Hoping you're feeling a little better, although I know this journey is the worst thing that can happen to a parent.

Wishing you a peaceful day,

Janet 

Shannon,

  I'm so very sorry for your recent loss. I lost my son last fall from heart complications that we did not even know he had. With a sudden loss of any love one, much less a child is such a shock on your heart. My heart broke in a million pieces the day my son passed. You just know that your heart will never be whole again .... no matter what, you'll never be entirely happy. I grieve every day but the rawness does wear off, you accept that it really did happen and you try to honor your child in any little way that you can. Bless you and the rest of your family. This group will be a great help. Good luck!