Hi Gina... I know... you will go through anger at self, anger with others, even anger with loved one that has gone. Then I felt guilty of being angery.  It seemed to be a cycle for a long time.  I have calmed down.. thank you.. I think that comes to the acceptance of things that I cannot change...courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  When it comes down to it.. Life goes on with or without us and it is much better for us and other loved ones if we are here. You are in my thoughts and prayers

Hi Gina... I know... you will go through anger at self, anger with others, even anger with loved one that has gone. Then I felt guilty of being angery.  It seemed to be a cycle for a long time.  I have calmed down.. thank you.. I think that comes to the acceptance of things that I cannot change...courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  When it comes down to it.. Life goes on with or without us and it is much better for us and other loved ones if we are here. You are in my thoughts and prayers

Gina guilt and anger is just part of the grief process.  You have to find an outlet to get rid of it.  Be it online or someone you know, you need someone. Your father wouldn't want you feeling this way.  Call your local Hospice.  They can point you in the right direction to get grief counseling and you won't believe it when you see all those people having the exact same feelings as you, no matter what the circumstances.  As soon as you get your feelings out, you will start feeling better and be on the road to recovery.  Your in my heart and in my prayers.

Peggy

Gina,

Hello sweet girl. I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Father and for the difficulty you are having with your Mother. I am praying for you. I know that you feel horrible guilt but I don't believe your Father would want you to feel that way. Whatever happened, it is not your fault that he died.
I would like to see you immediately talk to a professional about your feelings and get some support of your own. If you have a church perhaps you could go to your minister or pastor. Please call a suicide prevention hotline in your area and they can most likely refer you to a counselor. Also, there are Grief Share groups around the country that meet once per week. I think you really need some support right away. God loves you and is there for you all of the time. I have felt very bad myself over the loss of my Mother in September 2009 and have also felt terrible guilt over many things. You are not alone. Please know that. Love, Amy

None of us sees the end of our grief looking forward. So sorry you are feeling some guilt and regret. I took care of my father the last 15 months of his life and I remember at times I had felt guilt for some of the little bickering that had gone on between us at times after he had gone. I wish I could have gone back and had given him the perfect me the last 15 months of his life and maybe proving my love for him. I have not always been an ideal son and I live with a lot of regret for what I have put my parent through in my life. Opposite me, there is my younger sister that I feel was as horrible to my parents as I was at times and she feels it was all their fault. But I know my parents loved her and it bothers me she has resisted to know them as I do. I don't think there are words that can give you comfort. Since you have been thinking of suicide, I'm afraid that if you did start to feel some comfort with this loss it might intensify the guilt you are feeling and take you in a downward spiral. You'll need to keep guilt from keeping you down when you start to come out other side of this grieving. I remember times when I was a small child and I would have something happen to cause me to cry and how my parents had always taken me in their arms and consoled me. Those are some of my greatest memories of feeling the love that my parents had for me, and I know although it was never as intensely experienced in my adult life as those moment as a child, I know that their love and concern for me had never been any less through my whole life despite all the differences between us and anything I had put them through. When I was grieving my dad's loss, I felt so loss and that if my dad was here seeing the hurt I was experiencing he would have got down on his knees and console me as if I was that child. I believe your dad would want to do the same for you. A Father's Love