Q. My father is very ill and wants his ashes scattered in a lake near the family summer home when he dies. Are there restrictions on doing so? Who should I contact for specific information? Also, there will be no minister present when the ashes are scattered. Is there a protocol we should follow or particular words that should be said?   

Your questions raise some complicated issues. One is location. Is the lake on private or public property? The owner’s…

One of my resolutions this year is A Drawer A Day – trying to weed through and edit out clutter – clothes, kitchen utensils, books, cosmetics, candles, shoes, scarves, CDs, old tax returns and even photographs. You know how you might have five versions of the same photo, with only slight variations? I now sit in front of the fire and MAKE myself pick one!

Because I am an inveterate clipper, my files on death, funerals, grieving, obituaries, rituals,…

Imagine if you had to sum up your life in only a few words. What would you say? What area of your life would you focus on? Work? Family? Philosophy of life? Would you simply state husband, wife, mother or father? All of your life experiences expressed in a short sentence...

This seems to be an impossible task. Yet it is exactly what is done every day when people design their loved one’s marker or monument. Beyond the name and dates, there is a small amount of space…

We all know that blood is thicker than water.



In my family, blood is made up of equal parts: red cells, white cells and brown cells. Those would be the chocolate cells that run gooey in the Soper gene, so thick, in fact, that a timeline of bonding with my dad can be traced from earliest childhood treats to more sophisticated adult indulgences.



The Sunday night drives to Howard Johnson’s for a quart of hand-packed chocolate ice cream (the superior brand in…

Each morning, my husband and I wake up to Morning Edition on NPR and usually hear a jarring barrage of campaign orations, weather reports, or obituaries.



At this rainy August dawn, I picked up on something that’s apparently been going on all summer but escaped my drowsy attention: A series called Dead Stop – featuring visits to cemeteries and burial grounds across the…

Q. One of my business partners just died, and I’d like to run an In Memoriam ad in the newspaper and an industry trade magazine. What is a suitable In Memoriam message? I’ve never written one before.



Few of us have. Yet there are occasions in business or professional life when an In Memoriam ad or notice is appropriate to acknowledge the death of a principal, employee, colleague, customer or client, supplier or consultant and honor his/her memory in…

On Father’s Day 1996, I gave my dad a leather chair and ottoman to replace the one he had worn the leather off of – especially the arm and head rests – from hours spent reading, talking on the phone, chatting with whomever was sitting across from him having a cocktail. Yes, probably even dozing. It was meant to be the ultimate gift for his years of love, guidance, nurturing, advice, mentoring, tennis, discipline and devotion.

Two weeks later, he died very suddenly…

Q. My aunt died suddenly and was buried in a plot she purchased years ago. Because she had no children, I am now in charge of buying a cemetery stone. What’s the best way to do this and how should I proceed?



Begin by calling the cemetery to find out its rules for markers, headstones, and other options. Size, shape, design, and other requirements vary widely. 



You can buy the stone from a monument retailer and ask friends, neighbors, or relatives for…

As Memorial Day nears, we're remembering men and women who served in the armed forces. We also remember the families left to grieve.



Honor the memory of a loved one who served. Share a photo of your beloved veteran…

I’ve been noticing more pets being mentioned among the survivors in recent obituaries and have also become aware that some papers (most of them in small towns) are running pet obituaries among their paid obituary notices. In their how-to templates they offer guidelines for what to include in an obituary for an animal friend: cause of death, favorite memories, where to send condolences, who to list among survivors (including blood relatives).

There are also many…

I can still see the Lilies of the Valley that surrounded my grandparents' small patio. They would pop up around the stepping stones every year and announce the arrival of spring. Many Mother’s Days would be spent on that patio enjoying a family dinner. Only rain would chase us inside. Although it has been many years since I spent Mother’s Day there, I cannot help but think of it when Mother’s Day approaches. Love, laughter and family defined the day. This Mother’s Day will be quite…

Q. My father, who is frail and elderly, wants his body donated to science when he dies. Does that mean there’s no funeral or memorial service? Why do people want to do this?



A. Those who make this choice usually wish to benefit society. The decision is sometimes difficult for survivors to accept, but it’s a matter of carrying out the loved one’s wishes. We hear less about whole body donations than about donations of body parts, but cadavers play a critical role in…

It seems like just yesterday that we heard the news of a terrible mass shooting at Virginia Tech. The recent, unrelated shooting of a security officer on campus served as yet another reminder of the earlier shootings. The tragedy remains fresh in our minds. 



Incredibly, it's been five years. On this anniversary, …

Sunday, April 1, I was asked to bring my fiction books to sell at a St. Baldrick’s Event to benefit children with cancer. A fellow high school classmate lost his daughter Brianna almost three years ago to a rare brain cancer when she was thirteen. April 1 would have been Brianna’s 16th birthday. Another high school classmate – the owner of a local pub – offered her location for the benefit. The turnout was incredible. For three hours, people had their heads shaved, enjoyed a meal…

Q. I want to set up a lasting memorial to my late husband, but my funds are limited. Can you suggest some affordable options? How do I get started?



Two possibilities are a scholarship in his name at a school he attended or a memorial award to go to a deserving member of his professional organization. The amount involved and whether it’s given annually (or less frequently) is up to you. Start by contacting the institution or group and ask to speak with the person…

I lost my husband of 29 years in July 2009.  Fifteen months before that, ironically, I had started a company called Shine On Brightly. It's an online gallery for memorial art (cremation urns, memorial portraits, memorial jewelry, etc.). After I experienced the loss of my husband, I really understood the need to honor the life of a loved one. Since I've been passionate about art all my life, I've found art to be an incredibly…

26.2 miles I walked for a man I never met. Yet I felt him by my side encouraging me as the hours passed and the challenge grew harder and harder. “Keep going,” he urged. “The pain you feel is nothing compared to the pain of cancer that I suffered from.” Jack was right, of course. Battling cancer was a far greater fight than anything that bright October day brought to me. My pain was…

Last week, Canada lost a national heroine. Betty Fox began her time in the spotlight simply as the mother of one of Canada's best-remembered heroes, Terry Fox, who, after being diagnosed with cancer in his late teens, attempted to run across Canada to raise money and awareness for cancer research. An amazing story made all the more…

Q. I’m thinking about running an In Memoriam ad in the newspaper as the fifth anniversary of my daughter’s death approaches. Is it appropriate to do this so long after she died? How do I place the ad and how much does it cost? What should I say?

A. An In Memoriam ad is appropriate on the anniversary of a loved one’s death or birthday. For example, I recently saw an In Memoriam, placed by a son, on what would have been his late father’s 100^th…

On Memorial Day, as we honor brave men and women who have served their country, we also remember the families left to grieve.

On Legacy.com and LegacyConnect, we are featuring tributes to armed forces veterans. And, as always, you'll also find resources to help you cope with the…