About 10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Some suggest it is even higher as some miscarriages occur before the mom even knows she’s pregnant. Despite this high frequency, bereaved parents share that far too many friends and loved ones fail to say appropriate things and some, not knowing what to say or worse, minimizing the loss, just stay away. But it’s important to remember that a miscarriage is…

Today, October 15, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It's a type of loss that may not always be fully understood, even by the parents' closest friends and family. That's why we and other support groups are bringing attention to it today – both to help our readers understand the devastation that comes with the loss of a pregnancy or an infant, and to show those…

We’re often shocked and hurt by the insensitive and inappropriate things people say and do. But lots of people get it right and seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to supporting and comforting the bereaved. I’m going to start the New Year off on a positive note and share some of the real-life kindnesses you’ve reported to me:



• “In the year since my husband died, my daughter gives me a surprise every month on the anniversary of his death. It might be a candy bar on my…

What is it about a miscarriage that makes it so difficult to say the right thing? Women who miscarry report that they’re frequently the target of callous and hurtful comments that dismiss or trivialize their loss. While the list of offenders includes friends, colleagues, and medical professionals, the worst culprits might surprise you; often family members, especially their own moms, mothers-in-law, sisters, and sisters-in-law.



Here’s a list of what you should NEVER say after a…

Susan is in her sixties with four grown children that have brought her great joy. Yet she still feels the sting of a hurtful comment made after her miscarriage decades ago. Susan painfully recounts how a friend expressed no sympathy but asked, “Do you know what caused it?”



Like Susan, Melanie carries a deep hurt from comments after her miscarriage. One friend who also miscarried told her, “My baby lived 19 weeks while yours only lived five.” Melanie wonders, “Should my…

Q. My friend had a miscarriage at four months, and I don’t know what to say to her and her husband. Do you have some suggestions?



A. A miscarriage is a tremendous loss to a couple, whether it happens at nine weeks or four months or later, especially if it’s a first child. It’s a case of a joyful event being transformed into a tragedy. So much expectation and so many hopes and dreams have been dashed. The couple feels devastated emotionally, and feelings of…