Q. The 16-year-old son of friends committed suicide a week ago. My wife and I are thinking about inviting them to attend a social event coming up next month and wonder whether that is an appropriate thing to do. Is it too soon after the death, and would it seem as if we don’t recognize the depth of their grief? Or not?

The death of a child is unimaginable agony for the parents. Your children are supposed to outlive you, and the enormity of the loss just…

On Wed 19th December 2012 my brother phoned me about 8.30pm. We had recently had a falling out, over the way my brother had treated my dad, but had sorted things out over text so I thought he was calling to say sorry.

Instead he told me my dad was gone. He killed himself at the cemetery where his own dad, the grandfather I never met, was buried.

I love my dad so much. We were very close. He had depression over the years but I honestly never ever…

On Wed 19th December 2012 my brother phoned me about 8.30pm. We had recently had a falling out, over the way my brother had treated my dad, but had sorted things out over text so I thought he was calling to say sorry.

Instead he told me my dad was gone. He killed himself at the cemetery where his own dad, the grandfather I never met, was buried.

I love my dad so much. We were very close. He had depression over the years but I honestly never ever…

There are things I don’t think about anymore. Like my sister Denise's birthday or the anniversary of her death. I am always aware of them but I try not to put too much focus on them, especially the day she died. I prefer to use my sister's birthday as a time to remember her as a person and reflect on what she continues to mean in my life.



But Denise’s 20^th…

I never knew what it was like to have to respond to someone who lost a loved one to suicide. After my sister died though, I found myself thrust into a life I didn’t plan or want. And as nearly twenty years have passed, I find myself asked how to respond to someone who has just learned of a suicide loss. This comes most often through Facebook from high school friends who have learned of my work. I am grateful that I can share with people how to help because there is nothing worse…

It’s amazing how much I can see reflecting back on the almost two decades of life I’ve had since my sister’s suicide when I was twenty-one. But what’s even more interesting are the experiences I’ve had in the past few years, particularly since I became aware of my life changing about five years ago.

On Thursday of last week I met with a priest to discuss several things that are going on in my life. Things aren’t going badly, but…

Roughly one month ago, my older sister committed suicide.  She was my best friend and confidant in our adult lives, and lovingly maternal caretaker when we were young.  Young (30s), brilliant and beautiful, she had so much life yet to live.  We were both emotionally and physically abused by our parents; one is a mentally ill addict and the other, a physically disabled enabler.  It was through sharing this traumatic childhood that our bond was indestructible.  Few people can relate to such a…

On June 24, I received a text message from my wife: "Problem with Gabe. Come home." When I reached home a few minutes later, my worst nightmare became a horrible reality. Gabe had jumped from the balcony of his apartment on the 59th floor of Marina City. Our beautiful, loving son was…

I spent the summer after my sister’s suicide doing my journalism internship at the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado. While it was a difficult summer, I wasn’t about to give up on my dream to spend time there. The internship offer came three weeks after Denise’s death and was a bright spot in an otherwise difficult time. I literally jumped up and down on the couch in my apartment after that phone call.

In the few months I was in Colorado, I…

Sunday, April 1, I was asked to bring my fiction books to sell at a St. Baldrick’s Event to benefit children with cancer. A fellow high school classmate lost his daughter Brianna almost three years ago to a rare brain cancer when she was thirteen. April 1 would have been Brianna’s 16th birthday. Another high school classmate – the owner of a local pub – offered her location for the benefit. The turnout was incredible. For three hours, people had their heads shaved, enjoyed a meal…

Grieving the death of a loved one and feeling depressed would seem to go hand in hand. Thus, the American Psychiatric Association has long warned against diagnosing depression in those who are recently bereaved. In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists grief as an exception to the diagnosis of clinical depression. Now the APA is considering eliminating that exception. If they do,…

A year ago, approximately 160 people bereaved by suicide took part in a study at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. The eventual goal of the study is to teach computers how to read suicide risk in text. For their part, the suicide loss survivors collectively read through 1,300 suicide notes and assigned emotions to the words in the notes. Each participant completed about fifty notes…

It sneaks up on me every year. I’m lost in my life when St. Patrick’s Day and the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament jolt me into remembering that March 18 is around the corner. I think of St. Patrick’s Day 1993, the last day I saw my sister Denise, and the NCAA Tournament, where I was when she ended her life. Then it's April 4, Denise's birthday. I'm not filled with sadness; she’s with me, I know that well. Instead, this two-week period serves as a checkpoint of sorts, a time to…

Last week, a former colleague emailed me wondering if I had heard about another writer from our we know who had died last summer. Shocked, I immediately looked up his obituary online. The obit said he had passed away on a Saturday afternoon in August. He was 65.

As I read further into the obituary, my shock deepened -- and my sadness:

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the American Foundation…

This year, I celebrated my birthday in Los Angeles with friends and fellow survivors of suicide loss. It was my 40th, and I had tried to make plans with various people in various parts of the country. But nothing came together until I booked a plane ticket to L.A. and announced to friends when I would be there.

I spent the evening of December 10th in Los Angeles at the Survivors After Suicide 30th Anniversary Pot Luck. Most people think that when a group of bereaved people…

Two weeks ago, I moved halfway across the country, leaving Albuquerque, New Mexico, where I have lived since 1994, and returning to my hometown in the Chicago suburbs.

I have spent almost my entire adult life in Albuquerque, having come here when I was twenty-two. It was eighteen months after my sister’s death and almost a year after my maternal grandmother died. I can’t completely tell you that I understand my reasons for landing in New Mexico other than I was drawn to the…

Plans are underway for a military family bereavement study, according to the Military Times. The proposed 5-year study – the first of its kind – would focus exclusively on military families and the impact of death – whether in combat, by suicide, or due to…

I'm here because I am sick of hearing about gay teen suicides. I have been there. And it got better. I am now married with a daughter, and I feel I can offer some help.

I know this isn't much of a blog, I just wanted to say this.

I'm here to help people hang on.

If you need anything, don't be afraid to contact me! Please!

When I let the first few people read a draft of my latest book, Sisters: The Karma Twist , everyone just assumed that I was Sarah McCall (the main character). I actually work pretty hard not to allow my characters to be me. I change their hair color; I give them different…