Three Myths About Grief Support Programs Dispelled

Myth #1 – All you do at grief support is tell your sad story and cry.

Not at most programs! People laugh, they cry, they share and they feel…

Imagine if you had to sum up your life in only a few words. What would you say? What area of your life would you focus on? Work? Family? Philosophy of life? Would you simply state husband, wife, mother or father? All of your life experiences expressed in a short sentence...

This seems to be an impossible task. Yet it is exactly what is done every day when people design their loved one’s marker or monument. Beyond the name and dates, there is a small amount of space…

Going through my phone contacts the other day, I spotted the name and phone number of a dear friend of mine. I smiled at the thought of her and imagined her reassuring voice that greeted me whenever I called and the way she was so interested in the mundane details of my life. How I longed to have one more conversation with her, but she died two years ago from cancer. I found the number I needed and dialed; Donna’s name still securely in my list of contacts. I will never delete her…

The leftovers have been eaten, the out of town family has returned back to their homes, work begins again… another Thanksgiving is done. Yet the holidays are not over. You cannot go anywhere without hearing Christmas music or seeing decorations everywhere you look. What was once a joyous season has become a constant reminder of your loss. You wish you could feel “merry” or “jolly,” but…

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I wanted to share a poem written by Darcie Sims. If you are grieving this holiday season, this poem is for you.



For That, I Am Thankful…

By Darcie Sims



It doesn’t seem to get any better, but it doesn’t get any worse either. 



For that, I am thankful.



There are no more pictures to be…

Grief is a funny thing. Our mind tells us one thing, but our heart tells a different story. Healing from grief is a process of getting both of them in agreement. We know that our loved one has died, we attended their funeral and ate the casseroles our friends brought over. Yet our heart still expects to see them sitting in their chair when we walk in the door or to hear their voice when the phone rings. We think we see them out of the corner of our eye when we are out in a crowd.…

This is the question that people who attend our grief support groups are asked by their family and friends. They cannot understand why their loved one would want to continue attending a grief support group months or even years following their loss. For those who are part of the group, the answer is simple, “It is like going back to see my family.”



Family – for most, this is the group of people you are born into or marry into. For some, however, a new sort of family is…

On mile 23 my legs were ready to admit defeat. Mentally I was still focused on crossing that finish line, but my body was weary in the heat of the day. Walking 26.2 miles is not an easy feat, especially when you are out of shape and overweight. While I trained for this day, nothing prepares you for the actual event.



By mile 11 I had already learned that mental attitude was far more important than physical training. I witnessed people talk themselves out of the race. “I…

“We are the walking wounded. Our lives are seemingly normal for those looking at us from the outside, but we know differently – for a broken heart doesn’t show from the outside,” said a participant in my grief support group. It is true that life continues following the death of a loved one. Groceries still need to be bought and clothes laundered. Jobs require our attendance and our attention. Little league games, dance recitals, graduations and weddings still take place. For those…

This line of a prayer takes on a new meaning when it is our father and not the Heavenly Father we are thinking of as Father’s Day arrives. The man who was there for us – changing our diapers…or not, teaching us to ride a bike…or not, walking us down the aisle…or not. It does not matter what he did or did not do for us, all that matters to our hearts is that he was our dad and we remember him each Father’s Day. It would be wonderful if each of us was given the gift of a father like…

Working with so many people who are grieving, I have come to a conclusion. There are people willing to do the work that it takes to adjust to a life without their loved one and there are people who aren’t. There are people who will remain bitter and angry always. There are people who will cling to the pain of grief and those who will forever identify themselves as “bereaved.” Queen Victoria did. Following the death of her beloved husband, Prince Albert, she wore black every day for…

I can still see the Lilies of the Valley that surrounded my grandparents' small patio. They would pop up around the stepping stones every year and announce the arrival of spring. Many Mother’s Days would be spent on that patio enjoying a family dinner. Only rain would chase us inside. Although it has been many years since I spent Mother’s Day there, I cannot help but think of it when Mother’s Day approaches. Love, laughter and family defined the day. This Mother’s Day will be quite…

With Easter almost here, I would like to share with you an article written by my friend, Jeffrey Reed.  May each of you find peace in this holy season.



May Faith Guide You



During the season of Lent we are asked to sacrifice, we also sacrifice during the grief process. The word sacrifice means: the giving up of something valued or important. During the grief process both pre- and post-death we are asked to sacrifice and we do so freely. Our day-to-day…

As spring emerges, we may remember this as “the winter that wasn’t”  but somehow we still yearn for the daily dose of sunshine that lifts our spirits. The trees have lain dormant for months, their branches bare and without life. Soon blossoms will emerge and once again the leaves will appear, the birds will nest and the squirrels will climb about the branches. Full of life, the tree was never really gone, it just rested a while to regain the strength it would need in the months…

There is an old song whose lyrics go, “I'll see you in my dreams, hold you in my dreams.” So many who have lost a loved one wish for this to happen. I remember going into work one day and being called to a friend’s office. Her father had died months before and tears were streaming down her face as she told me of her dream the night before. “He was there. My father stood in…

When I am talking with someone who is grieving, the conversation often turns to the signs they have received from their loved one, letting them know they are still around. They range from the subtle to the incredibly direct. 



One woman said she saw her husband approach, felt him kiss her on the cheek and heard his voice telling her that he loved her. Most are not that clear. One woman told me that she had wanted to plant flowers at her husband’s grave. The cemetery’s…

It is said that in order to heal from the pain of grief, we must grow beyond our loved one’s presence in our life and that this means we leave behind the life we once had and move forward to create a new one. It's true that we find our lives have been changed and we will never be the same person we once were. However, we do not heal from leaving our loved ones behind. We heal from bringing them with us. 

Some people are afraid that in moving forward, they…

The Christmas season is here. This cannot be denied. Stores are decked out in their holiday finest. Christmas tunes accost us everywhere we turn. Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph are showing on the television. We can get our yearly fix of It’s a Wonderful Lifeon Turner Classic. Yet somehow we don’t feel in the holiday spirit. We just cannot get…

I recently read a quote from Queen Latifah that said, “I think the most important thing I've learned from the death of my brother, is to not stop living. As my Aunt Elaine says, 'You never get over it but you get through it.' I know for a fact that my brother would not want me to stay right there, stuck in that misery. If the person who you lost loved you like you loved them, there's…

“Grief is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.” This was something I heard at a recent grief support program. Read again these words and consider their meaning. We tend to approach everything as if there is something we can “do” about it. We want to fix things that are not right in our lives or in the lives of those we love. It is difficult to accept that there are some…