I believe in order to truly work through your grief, you must first EMBRACE it wholeheartedly. Live it; breathe it; examine it; and steep yourself in it. And as you sit mired in the muck of how you may see your life right now, YOU can decide how to pull yourself up and out of it.
When you think of the word embrace, the picture that might come to mind is a pleasant one...perhaps, two loved ones with their arms clasped around one another. Let's look at how Webster defines the word and see how it can be applied to grief.
Embrace means to clasp in the arms (as mentioned above).
We must put our arms around grief – wrestle with it; figure it out; and eventually champion over it.
Embrace means to take up (especially readily).
Perhaps you do this hesitantly, but you "must" take up your grief and work through it or you will not be able to move forward in the new life waiting for you to embrace.
Embrace also means to take in or include as a part, item or element of a more inclusive whole.
In grief, you can introspectively examine your emotions and thoughts and decide which are appropriate and which are inappropriate. Next, you can determine which are going to work for you in your new life. Lastly, you will decide which to keep (embrace) and which to discard.
TO EMBRACE, when looked at in this light, is hard work and will most probably cause you to feel sad. However, in order to move through your grief (relieving yourself of sadness), you must first examine (or embrace) your grief. After all, you cannot get rid of something at which you have never looked or held.
As National Survivors of Suicide Day approaches on November 20, 2010, I urge suicide survivors especially to embrace all of their feelings about the loss of their loved one, including any lingering guilt.
As a suicide survivor, I offer you this short video as food for thought on how to better understand some of the emotions you may be feeling. It is by no means definitive -- simply a small glimpse into some of the ways I dealt with and worked through my own loss.