Lindsay's Comments

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At 12:09am on March 29, 2012, Garry said…

Lindsay I am so happy for you and I understand. You can post whenever and however you want and what makes you comfortable. All the girls and I are thrilled and happy for your new baby. Have a great day. Hugs, Garry.

At 9:23pm on March 27, 2012, Garry said…

Hi Lindsay, Thinking of you.I have such a hard time because Sophia and Gracie were so close in age. Hugs, Garry.

At 7:43pm on May 30, 2011, jennifer nicole branscum said…
 Lindsey I feel that pain of just not wanting to be here and just be gone I said it alot too but I thought both Jaysa and your beautiful daughter Sophia wouldnt want us to come to them like that we are here to make sure no one forgets them because if we were gone who would people ask about our beautiful little girls because no one knows them better than we do right?! We share a close date in common my daughter went to God on her 4 month b-day which was May 15th 2011 and your daughter went to God May 10th so our May's are always going to have bad memories around them lets just hope we can help each other through it and picture our little girls playing in the green grasses of Heaven without a care in the world together and waiting for us and within a blink of an eye to them we will be there to hold their hands and kiss their beautiful faces and then we will all walk with God!I think we were drawen to each other by God for a reason maybe with a little help form Jaysa and Sophia too.I can see them laughing and having fun and that's what I'm going to try and dream of tonight. God Bless Lindsey
At 6:50pm on May 30, 2011, jennifer nicole branscum said…
lindsey i feel your anger mine is towards myself because I had just started letting her sleep in her craddle before my older kids came from MI and I kill myself over and over with thoughts of what if i had just let her sleep with me that night like all the other nights before please continue to write me I think we can really help each other since our babies were so close in age and with what happened to them.Just tonight sleep if you can knowing they are both in God's arms and we both can deal with tom together.Sometimes someone saying they will pray for you is very nice but it doesnt seem like enough for you huh?!That's how I feel sometimes I need someone who is going through the same thing and your words help alot your right i should yell and be mad and sometimes scream cuz my baby is gone before I am and that's not the order it's supposed to be in.write me back when you are ready and try not to be to mad at your grandma because believe me she's mad at herself for the both of you right now i promise.
At 6:42pm on March 27, 2011, Anita Chavez-Daveys mom said…

Lindsay, praying for peace for your whole family. I am sure today is a very hard say for everyone. I know there are no words that can comfort you at this time.  I will pray

At 1:30pm on March 4, 2011, shannon churchill said…

God Bless you Lindsay.   Trust in the Lord and it will ease your pain and I will be praying for that as well.  Love to you and take care.

Shannon

At 6:08pm on February 28, 2011, Jeff Justus said…
Lindsay, my heart cries for your loss in both you beautiful baby and trust in your mother. May you eventually find peace in your life after this tragic loss. I lost my son at 27 AND I know I would have grieved as much if not more if he'd passed at your precious baby's age. I can look at my son's grown pictures but have a hard time looking at baby and early childhood pictures. They are so precious and depend so much on you. I really hope that some day you find some sort of peace with this.
At 6:08pm on February 28, 2011, Jeff Justus said…
Lindsay, my heart cries for your loss in both you beautiful baby and trust in your mother. May you eventually find peace in your life after this tragic loss. I lost my son at 27 AND I know I would have grieved as much if not more if he'd passed at your precious baby's age. I can look at my son's grown pictures but have a hard time looking at baby and early childhood pictures. They are so precious and depend so much on you. I really hope that some day you find some sort of peace with this.
At 8:59am on January 24, 2011, Carrie L said…
Hi Lindsay thanks for writing I am sorry for our losses.. and even that sounds bad. It is pretty devestating. to say the least. hope you are doing ok. I am really not it seems to have gotten worse and i expect it to stay bad forever what would make it better. It is sadder than imaginable and haunts me in my sleep and daily. I feel like i am going to loose my mind. wish i was more positive. but I am really just sad... and my mind is not relieved.  I know we are all on the same thought pattern some take it better than others. it is not fair. or right and i can't think of anything more terrible. carrie L
At 8:59am on January 24, 2011, Carrie L said…
Hi Lindsay thanks for writing I am sorry for our losses.. and even that sounds bad. It is pretty devestating. to say the least. hope you are doing ok. I am really not it seems to have gotten worse and i expect it to stay bad forever what would make it better. It is sadder than imaginable and haunts me in my sleep and daily. I feel like i am going to loose my mind. wish i was more positive. but I am really just sad... and my mind is not relieved.  I know we are all on the same thought pattern some take it better than others. it is not fair. or right and i can't think of anything more terrible. carrie L
At 8:27am on December 29, 2010, Kelly ~ Caitlin's mom said…

I also totally get the triviality of life now. So many things that no longer matter. I'm ok with no makeup too. But again slowly but surely life comes back. I have had nightmares from the start and still have a very difficult time at night. I need to go to sleep with the TV on so I can try to distrct my mind. Otherwise I have horrible nightmares. Let my imagiantion take over and see her accident.  I see images of my daughter in the hospital all of the time. Her skull was shattered and she just did not look like she does in her picture. It can hit me anytime anywhere. Then it's nausea, hyperventilating...I'm sure you get it. Gotta keep fighting. Still hits me but less and I can push it back now.  

I sometimes feel like my life led me to a dead child. Like it was all a set-up. It's not normal. Nothing about a parent losing a child is normal.

I love my husband but we do argue and disagree. Quite frankly I think I scare him. I think he is so scared he will lose me. Even when he seems so angry I know it is the fear that he cannot help me or protect me from this. I know he feels like he failed Caitlin, that he should have stayed at her lesson but he wanted to get home and get some things done. We do argue when I feel like he is caring about something not worth caring about anymore. Or he doesn't understand how I feel or feel the same way. Thank god he holds it together for all of us. This is new and trying to make sense of losing a baby so young is not going to happen in a few months or even a few years I imagine. But finding reasons to live and let life be livable again are present every day. Life is far from pointless, you have another daughter who needs you. Life will be ok again. Never perfect but it will be ok. Never stop fighting. Run a marathon and make it a fund raiser in your daughter's name. Give it a point. But don't give up. You will make it. Take care and I am always here.

At 7:50am on December 29, 2010, Kelly ~ Caitlin's mom said…

Lindasy Taking pills is NOT the answer. An easy way to end the pain for sure. It has crossed my mind more than a few times. I did not drive distances for a while because taking the car off a highway was a thought. But no, it IS wrong!!! I still have children here. One is 25 and on his own but my 10 year old, my Natalie, what would she do if I left here. That alone is reason enough to keep fighting.  Just like your daughter needs to be enough for now. Until it really is enough.

I used to go to the cemetery everyday. Now it is a few tiems per week. When it is warm and I have lots of flowers I will go to water everyday. I too feel it is the least I can do to care for her now it is my responsibility. My husband rarely goes. Her birthday, holidays, the anniversary of her death. Other than that he simply cannot do it. I used to be hurt by that. Until I really watched him one day and saw the gut wrenching pain on his face. This was his little girl and daddies are the prince who always takes care of them. I used to resent how he seemed to move on and go back to it. He hasn't but he is a man and they certainly deal much differently than we do. I suspect we are a bit older than you and your husband(I'm 47 he is 50) so much of it for my husband is a generational thing and how "men" handle things.  

Your Adalynne is a beautiful reason to stay here and keep fighting. I know now it seems as though you cannot possibly do this anymore. I still go there sometimes. But I PROMISE you it gets easier. It never goes away but the pain tempers a bit. I share my pain with Natalie. If she sees me crying I telll her why I am crying and I thank her for loving me and helping me get through this. She does not like the cemetery either and I know how painful and really scary it was for her to lose her sister. The fear it would happen to me or her dad. (will continue)

At 7:51am on December 28, 2010, Kelly ~ Caitlin's mom said…

Lindsay;

I am sorry. So hard for me to understand how a child so small can be welcomed into the world only to be called home after such a short time. I read your post to me on guilt. Hard demon to let go of. It stops a lot of healing from happening. Hard to imagine the guilt your mom feels. Her job in life,like ours is to protect her baby girl from harm and pain, no matter how old we are and I imagine things are pretty bad for her. I am sorry that when you should be in her arms being comforted you are not.

I do believe it would not have mattered if I had stopped things that day Cait rode. I believe in my heart of hearts that she would have been called home that day one way or the other. My husband feels that my horror over the dream may have changed things and the car accident I dreamed of was how it was to be and a gentler god spared some close friend or her boyfriend that guilt and pain. So she rode.

You going to Wal-Mart and then chatting with your mom would not have mattered. I also know I can tell you this a million times but you will still feel guilt I do too, desopite knowing in my heart it was not my fault. I guess we need to find someone to blame right? Can't just be, there must be someone to blame. I blame me, the barn she rode at, the trainer, the helmet manufacturer, the horse. Anyone and everyone, doesn't seem to help me much in the end though.

What all of this does do is stops me from giving my 10 year old daughter what she needs and deserves from me. I hate that I have to live life with hope. That I have to love life so my daughter that remains can be happy and self assured and know I love her as much as her sister. She has asked me already if I wish it was her that died and not her sissy. That my grief and outlook on life could make my own child feel this way destroys me too. Try to let the guilt go. It wasn't your fault or your moms. Take care Lindsay.   

At 11:38am on December 27, 2010, Terri Kuta said…
You baby is such a beautiful thing just looking at the picture you can tell she could light up a room when she entereed it.  I just wrote you on signs from our lost love ones but then went to your site and read your profile, I know how you feel about hating life without her i am where you are most days, all of my other children are grown and moved out our youngest daughter moved back home after her brohers death to be with me but she never stays she says its just to hard with al the memories in this house, it was just jonathan and me for the last year most of the time my husband works out of town even though he was 17 if i wsan't working he was home by 8 if he wasn't working so we could watch tv, he was my baby and i spoilt him so much, I don't understand why God alowed our children to be taken away at such a young age, especially yours she didn't even get a chance to live at all, but you do have your other daugher hold on to her and let her give you a reason to maybe not love life again but to at least exist for her sake. We are all here for you, we can't take away the pain but we all know the pain you are going thru.
At 9:19am on December 18, 2010, Carrie L said…

Lindsey I am so sorry sweetie I cannot imagine what you are going through with a loss so bad and at your moms to boot. I have my own problems with my loss and sadness. but we were fortunate to grow up and that makes it more time. I hope with time you will heal somehow I don't know how to tell you to heal because it doesn't get better... it is raw and uncalled for. the love we have for our beautiful children is beautiful and theirs for us. I hope somehow you will be able to somehow perhaps have other children and somehow find a peaceful place i don't know how to tell you because i don't think it ever goes away.. love to you.. carrie L

At 7:22pm on December 6, 2010, Sonya Morgan said…
Lindsay I know a few people who are very mad at God and having your child taken from you makes you really mad its so hard to understand.
I don't understand it.
My anger is direct at some humans here on earth one the lady who killed my son's biological dad as he had a lot of pain in his heart over that. And a man we thought was a friend of the family that we believe messed with both our son's when they were younger as we found out about 5 yr ago he molested two of my husband's nephews.
I found his number online and want to call him and tell him off but haven't yet, my mom said why not call him and tell him how you feel.
And I want to call the lady who killed my son's dad and tell her off as she killed him, stabbed him in the heart in the drive way , when he was drunk he had just gotten home , then she went inside cleaned up then called 911.
She only got involuntary manslaughter.
But I know my son always felt some pain in his heart over those things.

Its hard when you do what you can to protect your children then they are ripped out of our arms in this manner.
We have to go through all the steps of grieving , my stage is denial big time.
Even though part of me knows he is gone it really has not sunk in yet.
At times it does and I just break down and sob.

We use to attend Church and I have not been able to go back on a regular basis mainly because I just don't care to be around a lot of people.
The couple times I went I was ok but just can't do it every week.

Let your anger out if you are mad at God then that is fine, you have to go through all of this.
I am so sorry for the loss of you beautiful daughter.
If you ever need to talk please feel free to email me or send me a message on here I can send you my cell number if you ever want to text or call me.
I can listen.
Take care
hugs
At 7:05pm on December 6, 2010, Yelena said…
Hi,Lindsay! I am walking in same shoes with u. XOXO
At 2:10pm on November 11, 2010, Lisa Hobrook said…
Still thinking of you, Lindsay!
At 5:43pm on October 28, 2010, Lisa Hobrook said…
Lindsay,
What a spectacularly beautiful picture of a mom and child.
I am not going to write and tell you how you should feel about your mom. I think you have every right to every feeling. You need to work through all of these feelings. Only then will you know what can be between your mom and yourself. My HOPE is that there is hope for a relationship between mom and daughter again.

Thank you for visiting Chad's website. The picture you mention is a favorite of mine as well. That boy truly is/was my heart and soul.

I am so sorry, sweetheart. Our little ones should never go before us.

Lisa
At 3:55pm on October 26, 2010, Susan said…
Sweet Lindsay...................thank you for getting back to me. I know why you're so angry, and there is probably no one who would disagree with you. The one person in this world that you trusted the most with your babies, and one of them slipped away while in your Mom's hands. Do try to understand that your Mom is hurting bad too, and probably carrying a lot of guilt. We all wish that something had been different. If my son had stayed with me longer that fateful night, would he still have died? Only God knows the answer to that. Even after 4 years, I miss him like crazy. You are a strong young lady, and I have every confidence in you. Cry when you need to and beat the walls when the urge hits you. But know that I am there with you, every step of the way. I cannot bring Sophia back, but I can hug you as many times as you need to be hugged. May God, in His everlasting mercy, show you some peace.
Keep in touch with me. I'd really like to know how you're doing over time. Much love and many many hugs.........Susan

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