Theresa, I wanted to stop in and say hello to you!! How have you been and how are things going for you? I've been going through it the last couple of days myself, questioning everything and asking everyone that will listen what did I do wrong! I guess its the guilt of not being there with her when normally I would have. I was feeling a little down and just wanted to write a friend to say hi and give my mind a break. Talk with you soon, and hope things are going well for you. Much love, Ella
Theresa, thank you for understanding. We live in FL & I'm an only child, so I won't have a "support system" if you will, when mom passes. Richard's 62 (both our birthdays are in Jan) & I just turned 51. I have 34 y.o. frat twin stepdaughters, Jean/Tom, & Christy. they're renting my parents' house til June when they either must buy it or I must list it for sale. Jean has a 1 1/2 y.o. daughter & Chris has a 4 mo old daughter.
anyway, when Dad died, I wasn't there since I had a severe head cold & ironically didn't want to make him worse...so I didn't go to the n.h. to see him - I know in my head I did the right thing, but still...
Ok, so now there's mom in the same nursing home at 93. It was different w/Dad because I had to pick up mom, drive to the home, & sometimes I'd sit in the hall while they visited. But NOW it's just mom & me, NOBODY else, Theresa!!!
I guess you just have to tell them you love them each time you leave the home & hope for the best! When the home calls to deliver the news, unless I'm there when she passes, however I deal with it that's how I'll deal with it. Thanks so much for listening, Theresa.
Theresa, I got it. Unfortunately hubby Richard is fixing my toilet so I didn't get a chance to reply immediately. I apologize. I'll have to reply to your letter later since I printed it out. Thank you for your letter. I promise I'll write to you tomorrow.
Theresa, how do I deal with this unending pain of missing my beloved Daddy & how do I get through my mom's passing? I know it's asking a lot but you & countless other women have been through the horrible pain of losing your beloved mothers & I just don't know what to expect. Losing Dad was rough. Losing my mother will be unimaginable, but I know it will happen one of these days. Thanks for listening. Karen Russo
Oh Theresa where can I start. Like people tell me "don't you dare blame yourself" and even though that goes in one ear and out the other I really do mean it. Hurt, pain, denial, and disbelief are some hard things to get over besides losing your loved one too. You didn't do anything that your mother wouldn't have known you to do. Let me say this, what if she didn't want you to be there? They say some loved one's prefer to go alone because they don't want to upset their loved one's or see them crying when they can't do anything about it. Your mother knows that you would have been right there taking her through it so don't beat yourself up. Now, if I can take my own advise I'd be fine too, lol. I am 47yrs old and I have a son and I believe I wouldn't dare want to see him suffering my lose and would have to see it. I don't believe I'd like to die that way. I'm one of those people who thinks they have to fix everything when I don't, lol. Can you image not being able to fix your loved one's sorry when its you thats getting ready to go? I can't! I say that to say this rest easy Theresa and like that old saying goes "Mother knows best", take that and hold on to it. Be strong, and trust that things will fix itself in the long run. Stay encouraged
Teresa, I am so sorry for your loss. I really think that in times like that we function on auto pilot and dont really understand a lot of what we are doing or why we are doing it. One thing I have been able to realize and truely understand the past few months is there is a difference between guilt and regret. There are many, many things that looking back on I wish I had done differently and I will always regret that for a multitude of reasons they could not have been. There were many times mom wanted me to do things that I was not able to do and while I regret I was not able to do them, I did EVERY thing I could to be there for her and I know I did my very best so I have no reason to feel guilty. It took a long time for me to comprehend the difference between those two and I will admit it was with some professional help. I did the best I could. Just as you did the best you could. My mom would not want me to be hurting myself the way I was doing with self imposed guilt. My mom loved me and althought we did not always see eye to eye I know she died knowing I loved her. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope your sorrow turns to peace and you can find comfort in the situation. Just remember it is also to regret things were not different, but be gental with your self becuase you did the best you could.